Zero's Story

Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 7:43 pm

BEFORE: I tried to do the chapters in different threads, but thanks to W00Tz I have decided to do it on only one thread. This is my first fic so be light on me. Plus this chapter is more of an intro than anything



Chapter One: Megaton

"Ugh, my damn head!", complained Zero, who had just woken up after a night of unlucky raiders who had met him and his tamed vicious dog, Scraps. Though they were now ripped apart and looted, one had hit Zero on the head with a nail board. He looked around and thought to himself, "Probably 'bout seven A.M. or somethin'.". Zero adjusted his metal armor, grabbed his combat shotgun and gently shook Scraps, waking him up. Zero put an Iguana-On-A-Stick and some dirty water in a cup on Scraps' dog bowl, and Zero ate a can of Pork N' Beans before they headed out. 'Bout an hour or two of wandering they came across a dead body of another waster, and from the dead body Zero took 6 shotgun shells, binoculars, a switchblade, a Pork N' Beans can, and scrap metal. After walking sometime, after that corpse encounter, Zero finally found civilization, a place called "Megaton", and Zero couldn't believe it was built around an un-detonated atom bomb! He met some interesting folk, like Moira Brown, who repaired his equipment and sold him some ammo, and knick-knacks like sporks, cups, and something called a "Magic 8 Ball" that told him what to do. He also got food for him and Scraps at the Brass Lantern, got stimpaks at the clinic, and then headed off for some wandering...
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Siobhan Thompson
 
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Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:21 pm

Chapter Two: The Feral Ones



Zero and his vicious dog, Scraps left Megaton and headed out. He checked what he had and was surpised at how much he could actually carry in the 6 leather satchels he had attatched to his metal armor. He had 19 shotgun shells, a can of Pork N' Beans, 3 stimpaks, a switchblade, binoculars, a "Magic 8 Ball", some sporks, cups, 37 Nuka-Cola bottlecaps, a bottle of purified water he found in a First Aid Box, and scrap metal, which is useful in general. He scratched his short brown hair, holstered his combat shotgun, and continued on his way. Zero took out his binoculars and looked around, "Hey, Scraps, a subway!", he yelled before they ran down, thinking they would find some sort of scavenger to trade with. Zero picked the lock of the chain gate. Click. The lock fell down, letting him go through. He found people, alright...Well, formerly..."Woah! Is there a physco down here?". The blood and guts were everywhere, and they corpses looked...Gnawed on. Zero didn't have a minute to loot the bodies because something in the distance went "Gkkaaaaaahhh!". Zero drew his shotgun, and Scraps growled. Then it came around the corner. Its clothes gone, except boxers and undershirt, it was skinny, tall, and its face was gruesome. When this...Thing...Came closer, Scraps ran and tripped it, giving Zero the chance to shoot it in the chest. It was easy to kill but scary, to say the least. He went closer to the dead creature and examined it as a feral ghoul. He looted the corpses of the three men, only being able to take some water and ammo, since the rest was ripped open or eaten by the ghouls, but after he looted the bodies, he was cut short by sounds of running and growls, which he knew were from ferals attracted by Scraps' dog barks, and Zero's gun shots. One of the faster ones his Zero on the shoulder, but it was stuck in from the spikes on the metal armor. He blasted that ghoul and ran to higher ground with Scraps. When he got out he looked back at the ferals, who hissed but wouldn't exit the station. Zero and Scraps would remember this place and avoid it on their futher adventures.
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CRuzIta LUVz grlz
 
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Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 6:09 pm

well written but the character and plot are very boring, try diversify your character in the next few chapters. give him something that sets him apart. without going over board of course.
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electro_fantics
 
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Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:05 pm

Chapter 3: Cody

Zero fell down, bashing his head, too drunk to be able to continue walking with Scraps. "Aah, i'm just a little, ehh..Tired, heheh...". Scraps did his little, "Aroo?", questioning the intelligence of his master. Scraps had learned to know friend from foe, food from junk, and drunk from plain ol' sleepiness. Zero had fallen asleep, but later that day, when he had awoken, sober, things went from good to bad.

It was dark, but he saw it clear as day. He was a young man, about 23 or so, had long hair down to his neck, that was never cut, and wore leather armor. He was doing what most men couldn't stomach. Canniblism. Devouring men was was something most people would call 'monstrous', or 'gruesome'. Zero had invoulintarily gasped when he had seen this man eating a leg, blood down his mouth and all over his armor. The man didn't flinch, just kept on gnawing at that leg. He looked at Zero, who knew the man was unphased by the Chinese Pistol pointed at him. "The name's Cody, and you're..." His voice trailed off, and dashed at Zero, too fast to aim at, and tackled him to the floor, "You're dead, fatty!".

Cody bit holes into Zero's hand, making him scream a blood-curdling, "Ahhh! Owch! Ahh!". Zero looked at Cody's teeth, but before he could point out the missing, Cody knew and said, "Something strange with my teeth? I file them to be sharper than shark teeth!". Scraps, who Cody didn't see up until this point was charging at Zero, and the heroic pitbull had knocked Cody to the Wasteland desert sand. He knew it would be pointless to get up, as he heard the sound of a combat shotgun being unholstered, then a blast. Zero wrapped up the 7 bloody holes in his hand and said, "Hmm...I ain't that fat! Heh...", laughing at his own joke and spat at the creep's corpse.
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Prue
 
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Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:29 pm

this is ok but i think that it needs more excitedment and more plot to make it a good story
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Dan Endacott
 
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Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 11:00 am

I dunno. This just seems really... Random. Not very much of a fic. The chapters are also a bit too short. And by the way, this isn't a RP, it's a fanfiction. Something can only be a RP if multiple people are contributing to a non-predefined story.
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James Rhead
 
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Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:35 pm

So I svck? Damn... Note to self, do NOT rip off movies and video games anymore...
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Rachael
 
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Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:14 pm

So I svck? Damn... Note to self, do NOT rip off movies and video games anymore...


You don't svck, there just isn't much substance to your story. You need a plot, something to draw people in and hold their interest. Whether that's comedy, some great secret, or an epic firefight is up to you. Basically, it's just boring.
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ILy- Forver
 
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Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 6:55 pm

You don't svck, there just isn't much substance to your story. You need a plot, something to draw people in and hold their interest. Whether that's comedy, some great secret, or an epic firefight is up to you. Basically, it's just boring.
[quote]

I second the plot thing. No svcking here, just needs a plot
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MARLON JOHNSON
 
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Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 8:37 pm

I lack the willingness...I wonder if that drifter over there has willingness I can rip out of him...Nah, thinking of a plot will be easier.
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Mandy Muir
 
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Post » Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:40 pm

You don't svck, there just isn't much substance to your story. You need a plot, something to draw people in and hold their interest. Whether that's comedy, some great secret, or an epic firefight is up to you. Basically, it's just boring.

I second the plot thing. No svcking here, just needs a plot

agreed
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Quick draw II
 
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