Olly was a nice girl. It was all good- Until her dad left the vault. Olly tried to cripple the overseer, but his daughter, Amata, thought he was dead. She insulted Olly's father, and Olly killed Amata. After Olly had killed Amata, she felt strangely good inside, realizing she ended Amata's soon-to-be painfull life. Straight out of the vault, Olly found a stash of armor and weapons. She went straight to work. She came across a place called "Tenpenny Tower". Once inside, she realized they were rich, greedy, elitists that deserved to see what they were doing to the outsiders. She went straight to Allistar Tenpenny, the owner of the tower, and killed him with a silenced pistol. The shot was silent enough, so nobody heard. She walked casually out of Tenpenny's suite and took out the guard, stealing his assault rifle. Down the lobby Olly went, straight to "freeing" the residents of Tenpenny Tower. In a matter of minutes, Tenpenny Tower was pumped full of lead and blood.

Umm. Violent, and horrific. Good start, where is this leading

Umm... Okay. I'll save most of my criticisms for later and just say that I think this is way too short to be called a chapter.

Bad, short, and unrealistic... They wouldn't just let anybody see Tenpenny, plus you need to pay to get in, and the guards would've taken out that girl in a second, and i'm pretty sure that stash would've been looted...Just saying. :thumbsdown:

Agree.


My review in less than 5 words:

Unrealistic, unimaginative, and bland.

Mmmmmkay...........

I am pretty sure the stash is the hollowed out rock near Megaton which isn't looted. But still short, and quick and didn't discribe much, like Olly( a little more than she was a nice girl would be good), and the locations. Also it's so quick, none of the characters talk. Next time try to make it longer and discribe a little more.