It all started as I was out wandering around, I came upon a group of wandering Kajhiit merchants (whom my friend Sadie and I deemed the itteh bitteh kitteh commiteh) and began to follow them. My character is also a Kahjiit, and so I wanted to join the IBKC. Several unremarkable, but funny events later (I kept re-activating bear traps for them to walk over) I happen upon a small farming town called Borikstead. I begin to wander around, and upon entering one of the houses decide that I want to start cooking, and so I steal every cooking ingredient from every house in the town without being detected. This is all well and good, but despite having dozens of different meats and vegetables in my inventory, I still am unable to create anything. This is because there was no salt, anywhere. In a rage, I storm into the inn and begin throwing [censored] off the tables and shelves and threatening patrons in a desperate rage to find some salt. Eventually I happen upon some salt in a barrel in the corner of the room, so I steal it, victory. I make a small amount of food, get bored, and head outside. I notice there is a farming field and stupidly ask my friend Stevven, "Does salt come from plants?" to which he replies "No." I venture over anyway, and I notice that it's not considered theft if I harvest this guys crops for him. So, I steal several unimportant vegitables but most importantly.. 12 wheat, remember 12.

I notice that they have a grain mill in the middle of the field, and you can push it around to grind up your wheat. I think, sure, why not. I toss my wheat in, and a friendly farmer who was working in the field (named Ennis) walks up, picks up my wheat, hands it back to me and says "You shouldn't leave your belongings lying around, we've had some shady types around this area lately!" I'm upset, because I couldn't grind up my wheat in time.. but I become INFURIATED when I notice he only gave me one wheat. We're all wondering at this point where the hell the other 11 went, so when he walks away I pick his pockets to see that yes.. he has the other 11 wheat. Crafty bastard.

Now, my pickpocket skill isn't very high and so stealing all 11 back at the same time would surely get me caught while he was awake. I devise a plan to break into his house at night, and simply take it back then. I wait until nightfall and until his wife and him fall asleep, I picklock the door and go on in. In their senile old age, they can still wake up from a dead sleep and tell that I'm creeping in their house somehow, so this isn't going to work. I could just kill the guy, but, that would mean I'd have to deal with the guards and it'd be the easy way out. I move to plan B, picking one wheat out of his pocket at a time while he's working in the field and while his wife isn't looking at me. This works, and occasionally I get away with 2, but I have to wait about 30 seconds in between picks because due to my [censored] pickpocketing, I'd get caught. I decide that for ultimate vengeance, I'd leave him with one wheat so he'd feel how I did. Eventually, I reclaim 11 and leave him with one.

Then, I stabbed him in the back over and over and over and over again and took my other wheat. I stole whatever other valuables (I even took a free hat!) he had on his body, and took off as a guard was in persuit. I sprint out of town, and hide behind a wall, the guard can't see me and I'm assuming he gave up. I head on back to the outside of town, and the guard sees me from a distance and starts shooting arrows at me. I lure him further out, and after a somewhat lengthy fight I kill him. I walk on back into town, and another guard (there were only two, non respawning guards in the town) approaches me. I figure he either saw the murder of Ennis or the fellow guard, and he wants to fight. I start running away to lure him out, and I notice Ennis' body lying in the muddy road, I begin to wonder if I can use him as a human shield. Sure enough, I pick up his body and it begins to swing around as the guard hits it with arrows. After wiping the tears of laughter from our eyes upon seeing that the arrows were going halfway through the body and staying, I also killed the other guard.

Three lives taken over 12 wheat. I guess the price of a human soul is 4 straws of wheat to me. However, we weren't done yet. Being the disgusting human beings we are, I start parading Ennis' body down the street while making funny commentary about how his limbs are flapping about and it looks like he's walking on the moon. OOOOH IMMA SCARY FARMER GHOST. Then I decide, hey, his wife has been asleep this ENTIRE time, lets go pose his corpse in front of their doorway so when she walks out tomorrow it'll be hilarious. Using the arrows stuck in Ennis as a kickstand, we manage to awkwardly pose the body but it wasn't good enough. Sadie suggests using the bodies of the two other guards to prop him up better, great idea! So, after posing the guards in a suggestive position, we lounged poor old Ennis up against them. I didn't feel it was complete though, and so I killed a chicken and gave Ennis something to put his arm around. This is the result:
http://imgur.com/4kgSa

However, we came back an hour later (leaving the modern art completely untouched after we were done) and the bodies were posed like this:
http://i.imgur.com/IUULA.jpg

I swear to god we didn't touch them, and even if we did, there's no way we could get such a perfectly weird pose out of them without ruining the rest of it. I have NO idea how it happened.

This is a great example of how you can spend hours doing absolutely -nothing- inside of Skyrim (when, you're already doing nothing), but still be thoroughly entertained to the point of tears of laughter.. especially if you are a horrible, horrible human being like us three.

If you're wondering, yes, there is a video.

Edit: It has come to my attention that maybe she isn't his wife but a "motherly figure" they sleep in the same bed together though.. Oh well, he's dead.

Absolutely hilarious! I would love to see a video, with color commentary of course.

Oh, I was recording our voices the entire time. The other people might be mumbled because of my mic, but the video will come soon. Got a lot of footage to chop up

*sigh* Saturday can't come soon enough

I was expecting it to be good.. but not this good. I enjoyed Oblivion, but I'm in love with this. The only thing I'm concerned about thus far is it seems like I don't have a whole lot of options in regards to dodging at close range other than backpedaling or sprinting away, maybe I'll unlock some later on. Pretty important when you're a dual dagger light armor class.