I wrote this a year back, could use some help

Post » Sun May 13, 2012 5:21 am

Finally got time to pick back up my writings. Looking back I found this is somewhat strange, but I can't finger out what. Could use your help to say if not proof read, tell me what's wrong. Grammars? Words style? Logic?


Iron Age, the rise of Man


More than two thousand year ago, we discovered iron, the element capable of undoing the very existence of the immortal fey. They are creatures so unquestionable, so majestic that we best regarded them as gods. For millenniums they feasted upon our emotions, our lust, our terror, and ignorance with their sweet promises of power, wealth and indulgence. Heroes rose to battle the immortals, many died; those who succeeded only but suspended little influence spread among our mortal societies. We never give up however, little it may be, but that was all needed to plant our seeds of rebellion. When iron was found, the fey quickly responded with crucifies of the finest blacksmiths they could find. Still some managed to hide and pass down formulae to talented young ones. It was the first sign from our creator.


Great wars broke out, banners raised. We drew our steels from hidden stashes, slew our captors and masters. We casted them out in the name of our creator, branded their followers as heretics, pagans, and snuffed out every single light that may give clue to its connection to the fey. Great sacrifices were made, innocents smothered along with the guilties, but in the end we were triumphant. Like deep scar branded in every one of our very souls, we remember every single one who gave their noble lives to break the chain of the tyrant fey. Magic, science, it matters not as they are both tools bestowed by our creator. It is our divine right, to rule as the lords upon this piece of land created by our Lord, our Goddess, our Eminence One.


During our first time came to rising, it was not without aid from entity beyond did we slew the first sidhe. Records said Brian, our first champion took arm with a blade blessed by a war god, which then was soaked in one thousand virgins’ blood, forged in the core of a volcano, and he sank it through the heart of Fey Queen Mab. He was tortured to death by her royal guards, who then mustered their own force in rival for the ruling title.


Such deeds changed very little amongst the fey, for they had not experienced death, nor were they emotionally prepared for the coming of the end. However the hint was clear to mankind, that even though we die, we possess the striving quality to best all perils befell upon our path, that we are graced by the gods to rule, that we can kill even the immortals. Banners raised, our faith invoked. The gods bestowed their power upon us and we marched forth in unison. It was a time we call each others brothers and sisters, clad in armors of virtues and faith. We drove every single one of them from Earth, to the outer realm of Otherworld. There they licked their wounds planning for revenge ahead.


The triumph did not bring harmony to Man however. It appeared that our quality do not bolt well with peace. When there was no common enemy, we turned against each other. Brothers became rivals, sisters turned against sisters. Gods do not share their followers anymore and we began to war against our brethren. It was a time of sorrow and darkness, a Dark Age that we brought upon ourselves. In the end, only Christianity and Muslim remain dominant of this land.


The fey has returned. They overcame their fear of iron and donned them as armors, weapons. Their magic advanced, just as our science advanced. By reinforcing their bodies with new found technologies, they exploited our lands once again as tyrants. Portals to the Otherworld breached through the veil that defines our world and theirs, their army sapped through orifices that spawned in the middle of our major cities. For too long we had forgotten the Holy War weighed upon the fey, for too long we dwelled in comfort knowing only strives between our own kinds, for too long we had convinced ourselves that we were safe, for too long we favored science over the mystical force of magic. Now it is time we invoked our ancient allies that we branded as enemies.
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