Can I get some feedback on a film synopsis I wrote here?

Post » Sat May 12, 2012 9:08 pm

Title. I wrote a 5 page synopsis of a screenplay/film I plan on writing some time in the near future. I have had 2 people read it so far an they told me they liked it. I have it copyrighted already, as I wrote this months ago back in November, and had the entire thing copyrighted because I'm absurdly paranoid. O.O

So can I do that here? Can I post my synopsis and ask for feedback?
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Naazhe Perezz
 
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Post » Sun May 13, 2012 12:30 am

Yes, no guarantees that people will read it though and put it in spoiler tags so the thread is still viewable without scrolling.

I'll try to read it, but maybe you could try making a tl;dr of about one page?
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Nadia Nad
 
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Post » Sun May 13, 2012 9:30 am

Well, this 5 page synopsis is already a tl;dr of what is in my mind haha. I'll post it.
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R.I.p MOmmy
 
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Post » Sun May 13, 2012 2:44 am

Spoiler
Shiloh’s Shadow

Synopsis by Anonymous


“Project Shadow” is the name of a top-secret government project in which the government is aiming to duplicate human instinct and reflex by taking an individuals mind and replicating neural pathways and transferring them to an Ai host. This host is called the Shadow. The Shadow mimics human behavior and instinct more realistically than any AI ever programmed. Combined with state of the art advances in Robotics and muscle/skin synthetics, a Shadow can duplicate the behavior of a human being so well that first-class doctors and therapist cannot tell the difference.

In the year 2148, the Shadow program embarked full-force in testing. Despite many years of failure and mistakes, recent leaps in technology made “Project Shadow” a success. Fully funded by both the US and Chinese governments, the project continued for 6 years in the testing phase.

In the many years of testing, scientist got the “ok” to conduct test on “Project Shadow” in the open world. The Shadows were released into cities as civilians, programmed to operate in specific ways individually. Some were programmed to be parents, some fast food cashiers, and some posed as government officials. The test was a success, as all shadows performed perfectly, and reported back when they were programmed to.

Upon hearing of the overwhelming success of the testing phase, the government decided to move “Project Shadow” in a new direction: warfare. By using Shadows as units in war, scientists were able to program killing machines with limited emotions, but with top-notch reflexes and decision-making abilities. They were able to create machines that followed orders, but without the emotional setback of human beings.

Due to the nature of the programming involved in creating a Shadow, in order to give each Shadow a unique personality, each one required a different human counterpart to use for giving specific and personal patterns. These donors were volunteers specifically chosen by therapist and nutritionist, and were usually members of the armed forces, although some civilians were contacted for donation as well. The Shadows were modeled after their donors in every way physically, so the Shadow was virtually no different from their human counterparts.

Once a donor has been accepted into “Project Shadow”, their body is put into liquid stasis, which keeps their body in hibernation until the Shadow has performed his or her tasks. Once the Shadow had performed the duty, the Shadow was decommissioned, and destroyed. Once destroyed, the donor is taken out of stasis, the donor has memories implanted into his mind, simulating however long the donor had been in stasis. All memory of the project is wiped from their conscious, and they go through rigorous therapy sessions to further implement the new memories that they have received. Once the donor is convinced that these memories are real, the donor is released back into society.

“Project Shadow” remained top secret and classified. Only those directly involved with the project were allowed to know anything about it: scientist, programmers, therapist, nutritionist, and the President of the United States and China. The entire project took place in an underground complex in Beijing, China, in the Tianmo Desert. The teams of “Project Shadow” were all transported to the complex at once, and no one entered or left once the project was underway. The complex was fully furnished for living, with restaurants and living quarters for all of the teams. The chefs and assistance never knew the nature of the experiments going on; they all lived separately, and never communicated with each other.

The year is now 2162. “Project Shadow” has been secretly using Shadow units for government warfare for 6 years. An entire war was fought and won by the US government against Russia in 2159. Both the US and Chinese governments have hundreds of active Shadow Units performing top secret missions and operations all over the world, as well as Shadow units working on the Universal Space Station, a space station in construction by the World Alliance. There were also Shadow Units impersonating high-ranking government officials in both governments. For 14 years, the project was a worldwide success, operating with green lights across the board…until now.

Shiloh Hall. Age 25, Caucasian. Served 4 years in the US Marine Core. Growing up in downtown Chicago, Illinois, Shiloh was the only son of Mary and Donald Hall. He joined the JROTC program in high school, graduating top of his class. Upon graduating at age 18, Shiloh waited for 2 years before joining the Marine Core, due to his father’s illness, Parkinson’s disease. His father died when Shiloh was age 20, and Shiloh joined the Marine Core soon after. Shiloh was honorably discharged from the service after 4 years of service due to an RPG, which left him deaf in one ear.

On May 28th, 2162, the US government contacted Shiloh via letter about participating in a top-secret project. The details of the project were not revealed. He was told to meet the contact in an abandoned warehouse 15 miles outside of town. Upon arriving, Shiloh was immediately bagged and taken via armored van to a location unknown to him.

Upon arriving, the bag was pulled off his head, revealing a dimly lit room, a table, and a man standing behind the table in a trench coat. After having been debriefed about the project, Shiloh was given the choice of accepting or denying the opportunity. He was told that once his role in the project had been fulfilled, his memory would be wiped, and he would never remember the current conversation that he was having. He accepted. From the moment the bag was thrown back on his head, Shiloh did not wake up again for 1 year. He had been given a sedative and was immediately taken to the complex in Beijing, where his Shadow was created. His shadow served the US government for 9 months.

However, not everything went according to plan. Scientist released Shiloh back into society, having replaced his memories of the last year in liquid stasis with simulated memories. 3 weeks after being released, Shiloh starts to experience dreams of war, very realistic dreams of things he is slowly starting to remember participating in. Something is wrong, and Shiloh is starting to realize it.

After waking up from an extremely realistic dream in which Shiloh executes an Indian ambassador by sniper rifle, he sets off on his way as usual. The day is Sunday, and Shiloh is on his way to service with his friend Jake Collar, whose nickname is JC. The two have attended the same church for 4 years, since Shiloh’s father died.

Before the service starts, people start to realize that Shiloh is back after a year of absence, and he starts saying hello to the people he has not seen in 1 year. People are closing in on Shiloh, and he starts to get nervous. As people weave in and out of his peripheral vision, he feels his blood start to boil. He gets more frustrated every time someone pops in and out of his sight. He starts to sweat.

In the midst of the confusion, a woman grabs Shiloh’s hand out of the blue. It throws him off guard, and he panics. He feels as if someone is stabbing him in the back of the neck with a sharp dagger. As he doubles over in pain, his hearing completely goes, and he sees a sudden, instant flash of white light, and then it’s back to normal, although he still can’t hear anything. As he looks up at the woman grabbing his hand, he realizes that she is no longer a she, but a man, Chinese, who has an extremely urgent look on his face. Perplexed, Shiloh looks around to also notice that he is not in a church anymore, but some sort of a laboratory. As his hearing fades back in to sync, the only thing he can hear is an explosion, and the screams of dozens of Chinese men and women in the distance. As sparks fly, and surgical utensils fly across the room, the man grabbing his hand falls into his arms, and Shiloh sees blood dripping out of his ears. After a flash of light, Shiloh realizes he is back in the church, gripping the woman’s hand so hard she is in tears, and everyone is staring at him.

This is where the film/book starts, when Shiloh wakes up after being in stasis for 1 year. He flashes back and forth between reality and this “dream” world that he does not understand. Through a series of discoveries, he embarks on a journey through the world’s governments to find out who and what he is, only to find out that he is not Shiloh Hall – he is Shiloh’s Shadow.

Again, this tl;dr along with dozens of more pages of background is already under copyright, so don't get any funny ideas. :tongue:

Also, both of the people who have read this have told me that it reminds them of the Bruce Willis film "Surrogate", despite their claims, I have NEVER even heard of that movie, and after having read a synopsis on IMDB, it does indeed seem a bit similar, but it in no way is derived from the film or the idea. I made this up in like 15 minutes and honestly had zero inspiration from anything, except a few small hints of Terminator.
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Sara Johanna Scenariste
 
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Post » Sun May 13, 2012 2:27 am

It is an interesting concept, but it sounds a lot like Bladerunner.

The background is pretty fleshed out but I would suggest giving project Shadow some redeeming features or having a situation that requires it to happen to give some moral gray area and spice it up a little.
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Verity Hurding
 
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Post » Sat May 12, 2012 8:56 pm

Thanks for the feedback Jagar.
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Alex Blacke
 
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Post » Sun May 13, 2012 9:20 am

1st off, it's Marine Corps, ;)


Ghost in the shell meets Bladerunner meets Paycheck meets Deus Ex.. sorta.

Sounds like a rich background you've tallied..


not much on the actual movie storyline though :biggrin:
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xx_Jess_xx
 
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Post » Sun May 13, 2012 4:52 am

Sounds like an interesting idea. It sort of reminds me of a cross between the movie The Island and the book Afraid. I liked both, though, so this may not be a bad thing!

However if someone suddenly starts undergoing therapy in order to cause them to believe that their memories are real, won't that arouse some suspicion with them? Wouldn't they question why they are suddenly going through therapy to make them believe themselves? The way I understand it, they are supposed to no longer have any memories or knowledge of having ever taken part in the project once they are out of stasis. Through their false memories they will believe they have been doing something else for that time, so why would they be suddenly faced with therapy? Or do they somehow not really become 'self aware' as such until the therapy is over?

I agree with Andy though. You say this is a synopsis, then you give a detailed account of what happens before the film/book and only a very brief idea of what will be contained in the film/book. 'Synopsis' usually means an outline of the general idea of something, what you have given seems to be a prologue instead. Not that it isn't interesting! However more on the actual storyline of what you plan to write would also be great to see :D
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gemma
 
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Post » Sun May 13, 2012 5:29 am

You're right, it's more of a background than anything. But with the backstory given, I think with the right writers this idea could evolve in to something big.
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Bird
 
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Post » Sun May 13, 2012 7:36 am

So...what's the story?
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kirsty williams
 
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Post » Sun May 13, 2012 6:28 am

I'll say as well that it's sort of a mixture of Blade Runner and Deus Ex (reversed).

Keep in mind that it's extremely difficult to come up with an idea for a sci-fi book/game/movie because virtually every avenue has been explored in some way or another. While your idea may not quite be the same as any other movie, people won't be able to help themselves from drawing comparisons to other works.
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Shae Munro
 
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