Note: I'd like to keep this forum appropriate, so no extremely lewd remarks or flaming over any opinions and viewpoints discussed in this thread.

I've been wondering a lot lately about this. You see, for the last several years, I've noticed that I'm showing a slight sixual interest in men. The thing is, it seems to be a very specific type of man: Confident, energetic, and often arrogant. I've done some research and found many people who feel the same way, but of course, most of the responses I've seen have been "You gay, brah" or "You're just bisixual." But I'm not sure about those. After some thinking, I may be attracted to that confidence and energy that those men display because they're things that I wish I had, so I want to be with them so they can "complete" me. Maybe I wouldn't be attracted to them at all if I had those traits.

Now, I know for a fact that I am interested, physically, in men. Interested, but unsure if I'd like it. But what I'm focusing on here is the emotional aspect. I picture myself with a strong man who would protect me because perhaps I feel weak, and all I really want is to feel secure. These are just theories I'm coming up with, because despite my sixual attraction, I can't easily imagine being romantic with another man. I feel awkward whenever I do. I do still have feelings for women and the sixual attraction to them is clear as day, but this whole man thing has only been cropping up recently. Is it simply a result of my current mental state or would I really welcome another man into my heart if I met the "right" one?

And I'm sure many people have similar conflicting feelings, so if they wish to share as well, go right ahead. I'm open to other theories and thought it'd be interesting to see how people around here feel about sixuality and how "flexible" they think it is. Is it really just a case of "You are this or that", or are there thousands of little variables at work that determine who we develop attractions to? I personally lean towards the latter: A person falls in love with a person, and it isn't just as simple as one group of people always finding another group attractive.

JAHO!

Humans are biologically bisixual, so there's your explanation in a nutshell. Even if you yourself are not fully ready to be completely sixually attracted to a man, everything in your genetic makeup already is (as human beings are quite versatile, in everything).

In my opinion, anyways.

You've presented the situation, but I'm not entirely sure what you're asking/want to discuss...

What I think you're asking is "Am I actually bisixual, or is this just a phase?"

Anyway, it's not uncommon to feel sixually attracted to someone, but not emotionally attracted, so I think it's just the sign of a pretty normal bisixual person. There's no role you have to fill in order to wear a label, theres no point in worrying about what others should refer to you as.

If you like someone/something, you like it and that's that.

This is a good point, and I believe the same thing. sixuality can be very flexible, I know that.

You may be right, but modern society, especially internet society, has reduced bisixuality to something as a fad; just a means to make yourself look like a badass who has a sixually open mind. It makes me hesitant to use that term on myself. My feelings are already conflicted enough as they are, but I also worry about the social aspect of it.

There are definitely thousands of little variables at work when it comes to sixuality.

I'd say you would probably be able to have a successful relationship with a man, it would just be different than the type of relationship you'd pursue with a woman.

A lot of relationships are like that, regardless of gender or sixual attraction, it's just not acknowledged as openly because people have a tendency to not want to see themselves in the opposing gender.


For me, personally, I've always been extremely attracted to women, and I typically consider myself a lisbian. However, I'm not totally turned off on the idea of men. I have occasionally had some degree of romantic feelings toward men, but I can't say I'm interested in the thought of sixual relationships with them, nor do I think a relationship at all would work for me. Still, I remain open to the possibility that there might be one guy that's just "right" for me. Until then, I'm perfectly happy hitting it with the ladies.

There are thousands of little variables in one's life that influence sixual preference, from prenatal hormones to life experience to current social life. sixuality is often considered to be somewhat fluid, though for some it is more fluid and for others it is more rigid.

I've had relationships with both men and women - I feel confident in my bisixuality, though there are certainly times when I feel that I am more attracted sixually to one gender than another, in terms of the physical. There have also been recent studies that have demonstrated that it is possible to determine sixuality by the way people's eyes dilate when they become aroused (source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/04/sixual-orientation-eyes-reveal-straight-gay_n_1740315.html).

You know, I'm reminded of one of my friends. She's currently going out with another girl, yet it came as a total shock when she revealed that to me. I said to her, "I didn't know you swung that way", and she responded with "I don't." Confused, I asked what she meant. She said, "I am not attracted to women, I am attracted to her. And she is attracted to me." I found that very peculiar, and perhaps that's what sparked these recent thoughts.

Hmm, I was about to say my preferences have always been pretty much fixed, which is true through advlthood but I recall in my teens they were a bit more confused. I was recently chatting with a friend recently the same thing who was saying he's somewhat more flexible (in theory) in more recent years but I'm not sure if that's just the confidence that age brings or an example of that fluidity. Neither's he, I don't think.

Sounds like you're pansixual.

My sixuality has always been rigid since childhood. I remember distinct moments when I was like ~5 years old that were giant red flags of my future sixuality, and it has never changed since then. Really, I can't think of anyone having a "fluid" sixuality beyond, as you mentioned, shifting between a more dominant preference for one gender or the other.

Awww. That's one of those situations of finding the "right" person.

I also get the "I didn't know you swung that way" line a lot. People seem to think that in any homosixual relationship that one person is the "masculine" person and the other is the "feminine" person, but that's not always the case. People expect lisbians to be butch and manly, but I look totally feminine, and my girlfriends do too. It throws people off a lot.

sixuality is complicated.

Not at all. He seems very conscious of gender and how it relates to him in a relationship.

I do believe sixuality is more flexible than people tend to think. Modern western culture is very "binary": black or white, yes or no, gay or straight. It doesn't like gray areas. We didn't even have words for most non-majority sixualities in our language and had to sort of co-opt weird slang for the purpose. Unfortunately, since the matter is complex and subtle and most of all personal, it's hard for an outside observer to really declare anything useful. I do think that there are thousands of variables, and considering how many people have fetishes for objects/concepts that don't even exist in nature, the arguments that the whole thing is biologically set in stone seem almost comical to me. Think of those mental conditioning experiments, where a button delivers an electric shock, and the subject comes to fear not only that button but things that look like it. They've developed a mental connection between the object and pain. It is just as possible to develop such a connection between certain personality/behavioral factors, and what you want in a mate. You're attracted to the who, not the what.

The emotional side of it doesn't strike me as at all unusual. Most people who say they're in love would probably resent the claim of "you only like him/her because they're a boy/girl". For there to be anything to relationships beyond hormones and reproduction, would require emotional attachment separate from physical attraction. It's not unusual for someone to experience a confused attachment to someone, viewing them as they would a potential relationship but rejecting that idea because they're the wrong six. The behavioral aspects of what you find attractive in a person don't have a lot to do with their bodies, after all. Unfortunately there's no way for me to say whether it's an emotional attraction without the physical aspect or a previously repressed physical attraction, and I'm not sure that there's really much of any way to "find out" other than the hard way and the inevitable awkwardness of pursuing such a relationship.

Of course, given that my place on the spectrum is "far-extreme asixual", I'm not sure I'm capable of giving proper/useful advice so much as dry technical rambling on the subject, so I think I'll be quiet now.

From OP - are there thousands of little variables at work that determine who we develop attractions to? I personally lean towards the latter: A person falls in love with a person, and it isn't just as simple as one group of people always finding another group attractive.

Sounds pansixual to me.

Not sure I'd go quite that far. Though I will say, I do not find transgendered individuals unattractive. In some cases, I find them very attractive (Some of them can really pull it off), but I'm also extremely picky about it. I like girly men, for instance, but not if they try too hard to be that. It has to be natural for them, something they just are. I also like tomboys because I'm attracted to masculinity, even if it's a girl showing it. Is that pansixual? I don't know and it doesn't matter to me much. Whenever I see that term, I think like, "That's someone who would get in bed with anything", but having just looked up a detailed definition, that isn't quite the case.


That's really what pansixuality is?