Both my children stay in Whiterun and when I tell my wife(blades member) that we need to move the option of Winstad Manor does not come up. It did pop up once but then I lost her and she never showed up

I have a similar problem, also chose to move to Windstad and my wife reset back to whiterun. Now she just says she will pack her things but then just goes back to what she did before we got married.

Have you bought both child beds and both child chests?

I've found that if you don't have both beds and chests the kids won't move there.

Yea I have both beds but my housecarl sleeps in one. When I built the beds it was not listed as children's beds for some reason.

Only the actual children's beds in the bedroom wing are only for children (they are marked as owned), the single beds are for children or staff. When you move in the children sleep there and presumably the staff all sleep on the floor or out in the stable with the horse. They should have put a couple of sleeping bags down in the cellar.

I found that if you have Thane status in the hold (w/housecarl) and a steward, they will move in provided you have the children's beds.

Oh ok just realized I never built children's beds on that save. Now my other save in Lakeview I built the beds but there is no option for a chest