I live in a house populated by two males, myself and my dad, and three females, his wife and her two daughters. One of her daughters is stuck with the mindset of a 3rd grader for the rest of her life, thus causing many advlts to baby her throughout her life to a point where not a lick of logic comes out of her. The other daughter doesn't bug me to much, except when she has the tendency to stick around like a moth to my dad and I when we are trying to talk about something or do something important. Than again, all three of them are like that.

His wife doesn't bug me to much, except for one detail: She seems to always be lurking in the [censored] kitchen whenever I need to grab some food. It's a small kitchen mind you, as most house kitchens are. Fine, that's a minor thing. If she loves to be in there, I won't berate her on it. I get food out of the deal anyways.

Let's talk about the bathroom that I have to share with both of the damn daughters. Oh that bathroom! The latter of the two that I mentioned gets the job of cleaning it, Mays have mercy on her. She isn't to bad with not getting it dirty, nor am I... but the first one I mentioned, whom we will call Sally?

Good. Lord.

My rate of showering has been reduced to somewhere between 2-3 times a week because of this putrid ogre. I've already told you all some stories about the bath tub squeaking and moans I pray were a sleep hallucination that I heard one morning, but what I haven't told you about is the hair. THE [censored] HAIR.

This girl sheds hair more than my dog! I wish that were an exaggeration, but I'm truly not sure. Everytime I step in that bathroom, which is VERY rarely, there is little flecks of this woman's hair all over the damn place. It's on the floor. It's in the sink, along with whatever snot one of them hacked up. And the shower? The shower looks like Chewbacca hopped in, turned on the water, and slowly dry humped every solid thing he could get his paws on. It's disgusting as hell to be in, and I have to spray the crap down everytime I want to get rid of my own stench. Fun Fact: 2012 was probably the smelliest year of my life.

BUT WAIT. The fun does not stop there! Did I mention that she makes a lot of noise, beyond the moaning in the morning? Ohohoho yes, yes she does indeed. I wake up at 8:00 AM on a weekend, disturbed from a peaceful (or erotic) dream to the sounds of a cave troll clubbing on the door of my dad's bedroom as it roars at the top of its lungs, "IT'S ME!!!!!!!!! CAN I COME IN?!?! AWWWWW, COME ON! " *insert obnoxious hyena laughter* *insert stupid dialogue*

Dinner is no better, being polluted with horrible attempts at wit. The good news is that she doesn't eat so damn loudly anymore... maybe... I'm not sure actually. My dad had her sit away from me at some point. But still: That's like having your motorcycle get caught in a super wreck that completely destroys it, and in the aftermath saying "Well at least it's no longer on fire."

The list on what makes these people aggravating is probably big enough to write a book out of, but I will leave it at this: I hate living with these people intensely at times. I wish my dad luck, considering he will be living with The Defiler of Bath Tubs for a very long time, if not the rest of his life.

That has been part of my rant. Tell me, good people of Bethesda. What horrendous things have those you live with done? What horrors have been unleashed upon your sinks, your cars, and your trash cans? I must know!



P.S: Forgot to mention the very thing that started this rant. It's really damn humid out tonight and I have a bad case of Face-Cthulu, so I figured a shower would do me some mercy. Turns out the shower head is SOMEHOW broken. And covered in hair, of course.