» Wed Jan 30, 2013 8:26 pm To be different than others, I simply mean that when I compare myself to most of the people, I stand out in many ways. Well, not in some areas of course. I've got a fine job and earn some good money, and because I live a cheap life I'm actually able to save 1/4 of my income each month. It's because I can't drive and therefore not have a car which is kind of embarassing considering my age (26 years). But because I live in a small city and the way to the office is only a 10 minute walk, I don't need a car. I live in a fine shared apartment with two school friends and we are getting along with each other very well. The point is, besides work, I spend my whole free time enjoying my hobbies. If those hobbies would be like club activities or going out, than it wouldn't be a problem. These are things most of the people would call "normal". But I'm not. I don't go out anymore, at least not in any clubs (sometimes a beer in a bar is OK), because I just get bored of those typical small talk about god, world and blah blah blah. I'm actually a nice person and a very good listener, but most conversations when going out are just so trivial. That's the reason I'm not going out anymore. On the other hand, my hobbies are videogames (of course, if not I wouldn't be here), watching anime, reading books and manga and talk to people who I trust and who I know for a long time - on the internet. I enjoy my life as it is. I was always kind of a "lone wolf" type I guess and I'm OK with that. Please be aware that, as I stated above, I'm not like some people you probably hear about in the media, like degenarated hermits or something like that. As I said, I like going to work (I even undergo postgraduate training this year), I have some friends (even in real life) that I trust and who respect me like I am. It's just getting harder and harder to explain myself to people who don't know me for too long. The more people you get to know, mostly in my job, the more difficult it gets. A regular person wouldn't understand me and that's something I'd like to avoid. I know that it actually would be the best solution to just adhere to myself. But it's easier said than done.
The other problem is that I haven't had a girlfriend for about... 10 years maybe? It's not that I'm strongly desire looking for a woman, but I find myself wondering sometimes what I will be in 10 or 15 years if I keep going the way like I do. At the moment, I do not regret anything, but what in 10 or 15 years? Can I look back and say "Yes, that's what I wanted!"? I'm not sure. Back to the girlfriend thing. The thing is, I'm a typical "friend" type I guess. Everyone get on well with me. But something inside me blocks when there is perhaps the possibility to try further with a girl I like. As if I feared to lose control over my life. As if I feared to lose my very well structured free time to enjoy my hobbies. It's probably also a way of fear of wrong-doing, because I feel not experienced/confident enough to "hit the nail on his heads" or how you would like to call it. It's not that I think about that every day, but sometimes it's bothering me. But as you already know, I also like to be alone. I never get bored when I'm alone. I always have something to read, watch or play. And it's something I don't want to give up either, never! And here we are, this is the conflict I find myself at the moment.
I haven't stopped dreaming by the way about a girl who really would understand me and who has about the same mentality. But I guess I have to make to first step to find such a girl. ^^
That's about my story. What do you think about? How's it with you? Any thoughts / similarities?
