Right, this feels pretty awkward. It's been a while since I made a thread like this... must have been like 2 years now.. anyway.. let's cut to the the chase.

Wall of text ahead. Beware!

Let's say I know(knew) this girl for around 7 months now. A classmate from uni. Absolutely antisocial and introverted, socially awkward. The one kind of a person who usually sits in the back, with her back to the wall and never talks to anyone. At all.

Let's say... I muster up some of my awkward courage and go speak to her. And keep talking to her over the time. And she eventualy warms up and opens up to me.

We actually share a lot of common interests. Metal music, arts, movies.. and stuff. I always was her leverage, support. Whatever. Hell even when she was hospitalized for a while, and fell into deep depression I was actually the only friend who came to visit. Suffice to say, she was happy.

Mind you, I *did* explicitly state that I am not looking for anything else with her in the beginning. But thing is... the more I get older the more I keep believing this certain theory. The one that says a man can't be a friend with a woman if he finds her attractive and vice versa. So of course, I grew to like her. So one day I tried.

After spending a rather nice evening with her by the river, I told her I uh... like her. I guess it was a pretty inconvenient time because our trains were just about to leave. I also tried to grab her hand, with her backing off and asking me why do I do that, which I guess, should have been already that kind of a giant neon said which says "NO! STOP!".

What did I get in return at home, via a certain social site was most surprising (or maybe not). A "go to hell" and her cutting off every connection or communication we ever had. Our history, whatever may have happened, what happened or what had we done for each other, nothing of it mattered. In a matter of seconds I was a complete stranger for her. Not even worth the damn friendship.

What sorta hurts and bothers me is not the fact that she is not interested in anything above friendship.. it's the fact that even *the* friendship is not worth a damn to her to even blow me off with some effort.

Hell, I would be frankly okay with a rejection and staying just friends afterwards and I am not saying that being honest and friends with someone somehow gives me a privilege of any relationship, I get that... but this? What is this? I feel like I am missing something here. Like an instant change of her personality when I made my feelings known (I am used to doing that now, upfront. I hate suffocating myself with crush feelings). I don't think I've ever offended her, nor was being awkward, a creep, too flirty or possesive in any way. We were both keeping a rather intensive communication going on, and hanged out a lot as well. She was lively, open, friendly, talkative and warm to me. And then suddenly she snapped and uh..well, this happened.

Is it possible that she was never really my friend to begin with? I am probably old fashioned, but I take the words 'being friends' seriously. Not just being some half-assed acquaintance, but a real friend you can count on. But then again I could just grossly overestimate this so-called value. Possible?

Although, I did have trouble understanding her for a while (which apparently made her mad a lot), cause she's... a complicated person (and this is probably why I liked her) but I have a hard feeling believing it was the culprit. And even though I might look like a stereotypical metalhead, I also work out and try to look decent in front of the others.. for my own sake.

TL;DR: I took the rejection. Part of life and all. What baffles me is just the fact that she's not even interested in friendship and just rudely cut me off, almost acting like a gigantic [censored] after all we've been through. A lot..

Not trying to wallow in self-pity or being desperate (that never helps..). Just trying to reflect. And perhaps learn from this.

P.S.: Apologies for any grammar mistakes and such. English is not my first language.

The problem is that you misused her trust, you told her you wanted to be her friend but in the end you just wanted something more out of her. She is socially awkward and clearly emotionally juvenile. If you had made it clear from the beginning what you wanted, you wouldn't be in the situation you are in now. Or if this is a feeling that has grown over your friendship within you to a more romantic level, then why would you just come out with it, seemingly out of nowhere? If you had at least started making the odd flirtatious comment now and then and slowly brought her round to your way of thinking, might've stood a chance. As it was you basically gave a whole heap of emotional baggage to a girl with her own massive heap of emotional baggage. And, as I said at the start, she is angry because you lied to her. She is also probably angry because you have thrown her only friendship away and now she is left with nobody. By that I mean, it is a fairly understandable reaction to not want to be friends with somebody who you know likes you at a romantic level when you don't feel the same way - it makes the friendship different for the two of you and she will be well aware that you won't be able to switch off your feelings like turning off a lamp, as far as she will be concerned, the only reason you would be hanging out with her is because you want to be in a relationship with her, which makes the friendship defunct as you obviously don't want her as a friend.

So, to;dr: she is angry at you because you lied to her to make her trust you, then betrayed that trust and took away the only friendship she had.

Maybe.

Credit where it's due. Yes, that did cross my mind as well. Of me betraying her trust. And not gonna lie, yes, I do feel bad about that, if that's the real case.

But I should have mentioned that I actually didn't unload this at her out of a blue, I did try to flirt a bit with her now and then. And make it over the time obvious that I do feel something for her. And she was either giving me positive/mixed signals or I am just bad at reading women. I just don't know...

Maybe she liked flirting with you as a safe way to explore those feelings with someone who she saw as being non-threatening, and she never had any intention of acting on them. It's not like she intended to lead you on, so much as she was trying you on for size, so to speak. She might not even fully understand her own feelings - most of us don't, most of the time. Pushing her into a decision like that, without either of you consciously intending it, might have made her decide that you weren't quite right for her that way, and that would have made her feel very sad as she's losing a close friend and a potential mate at the same time.

She might have been hurt in the past by someone who wanted more out of her than she was willing to give. If her last experience of a friend who wanted more was of being pestered and stalked and the whole thing being super-awkward then she might be feeling really, really freaked out right now. As bonalste says, you are the very person she should want to talk to about all of this and you've just taken her best friend (you) away from her, so she's maybe feeling very lost and confused.

One thing you could do is to leave it for a couple of days for her to cool down and then send her a message - maybe even a letter - apologising for upsetting her. Let her know that you understand that it was out of the blue, that you didn't mean to freak her out, and that you are there for her as a friend if she needs you. Do bear in mind, though, that your respective positions have changed now, so even if your friendship continues, it is likely to be strained and awkward for quite a while. Be patient and give it time. If you really do have all that in common, then after a few months when you're both dating other people and have forgotten about any chemistry between you, you can be friends without any awkwardness.

Hope it all works out.

The trouble is, with a woman who is emotionally unstable and lacking in any self-confidence, she would have convinced herself that your flirting was not flirting at all because, after all, why would anybody like her? And you are her friend, so you're obviously just being nice but your ministrations about how hot she is, how clever she is, etc., are just you trying to make her feel better but they're not true because she doesnt believe them. Now you've spelled it out and it's just hurt her a bit.

Fact is also that being friends with somebody like that is draining. And being in a relationship with one even more so. I've been there and I speak from experience. You do not EVER want a relationship with a depressive woman. You may not know it now, but you have most definitely dodged a bullet. And if you have already grown feelings for this woman, she has saved you a hell of a lot of hassle and unnecessary time wasting by no longer wanting to be your friend. This is the best outcome, though you probably won't see it. I will go into a bit of detail about what sort of thing you have saved yourself from if you like, but for now I will just say that people like that don't have their own strength, so to hold themselves up they svck the strength out of whoever will give it to them, leaving the other person weak and, ultimately, abusing you. The more trust they have in you, the worse it gets. Not through any malicious intent, they just are, like a selfish force of nature. You are better off alone than with somebody like that.

But a word of advice. Next time you meet a woman who you think you may become friends with, flirt right from the beginning. And not some subtle rubbish - be painfully obvious, even if you don't fancy her. It just makes life a lot more simple. Women will happily be friends with someone who flirts with them from the beginning, they won't from someone who just switches it on, though.

She sounds like someone i know in fact she aint welsh is she an comes from Bridgend in wales does she cause the way you describe her pretty much describes my friend.

Anyway along with what Princess said but it may not be that she flat out hates you but that she felt the same way but you ruined it by just blurting it out which would of made her feel insecure.

Alternatively i've known more girls then guys an theirs a lot of ways that can be taken both your understanding of her actions after you said it an yours before you said it.

As for the not been able to be friends with someone you find attractive is just [censored] because currently theirs 3 girls who im close two an i find all 3 attractive 1 is my ex who i still find attractive an its not ruined our friendship nor does it prevent us from talking about our attraction to other people.

The second is my best friend who im attracted to not only Physically but sixually and more importantly emotionally an if anything its brought us closer together an she only sees me as a friend nothing more.

Thirdly we have the girl im in love with who has i said is pretty much the same girl you described but she has a cold hard shell around her heart an a wall so tall around her trust that it would make the wall in westoros look like a pebble.

Finding someone attractive doesnt mean the friendship will be awkward it will only be awkward if the people involved are shut off from their feelings.

@princess_stomper

Thanks. That does sound reasonable and it seems I have only myself to blame. I did.. actually sent her a text message because she obviously removed me on that certain social site. I am not expecting an answer though.

@bonalste

I am not sure if I would describe her as such a heavy case. While she is apparently a 'loner' by her own nature, it's not like I was the only friend she ever had. She just chooses not to talk to anyone and hates herself for it. Depressions, self-loathing etc.... it's, difficult and not up to me to judge anyone.

And thanks for the advice. I guess being upfront for real will probably save me a lot of trouble.

@YolDovah

Well, I applaud you. I am also friends with my ex, but I just find it hard to be just friends with someone I like (unless they have different sixual preference or are already taken which is an impulsive turn off for me). I am that type of person who is really picky as hell but usually grows to like someone rather easily over the time, if that happens. It's complicated, lol