The Outcasted

Post » Mon Aug 17, 2009 6:01 pm

I am new at this so I would like it alot if you gave me critizm on how to improve my upcoming chapters in this series. Please and Thank You.





CHAPTER 1 Ambush



As a child Jak lived in Lamplight Caverens. He was bullied by many of the other children. But Jak had much purpose and was good in combat and sneaking, but he mostly kept that to himself. When he got to Big town after he turned 16 he noticed how unpopulated the town was. When he asked one of the few inhabinets, he told Jak that many were killed or captured from the many raids the get from mutants. Jak didn't want to be the next victim in their mindless raids. Jak ofcoarse knew how to protech himself, but couldn't protech the town by himself. So he trained the others in small weapons. During the next raid, he led the town milta to a victory. During the rest of his time at Bigtown he led the defence of the town to many victorys. Jak noticed he became very good at shooting form distances, aswell as the skills of the population of the town that was now booming, some kids from little lamplight even wanted to go to Bigtown. Jak decided they didn't need him anymore and started to travel the wastes.


Jak Had never been one for violence, except for it in Grognak the Barbarian, his favorite comic series as a kid. But he still became a fighter for many reasons, specilazied in energy weapons, able to operate most armor(most excluding Power Armor), and was sincere to innocents. He wanted to help the people of the wastes, who unfortunely had to live in this bombed out world, with horrible mutant creatures, and selfish people only looking out for themselves.


Jak had been going freelance, helping people for over a year now, he found he could never find people who needed his help. Occasiningly finding the odd person asking to find a lost brother, or an artifact related to some old President, or maybe even taking out a group of raiders harrassing the nearby settlement. He always felt like he could never help out enough people.


Jak was always glad to help, but he did enjoy his fair amount of caps, ammo, and weapons. He wasn't a simmmering light of Good walking the wastes blazing his weapons at raiders, mutants, and ferals, but he had his moments.

He liked helping people, but felt he was never helping out enough people, making enough caps until one day, when he was exploring the DC ruins.


Exploring the ruins wasn't easy. Super mutants were crawling everywhere, once he went to the Mall and found himself in a massive battle between super mutants and Talon Company mercs, he remebered, "nearly didn't get out of that one" he said to himself as he walked down the destroyed, tattered sidewalk. Suddenly a .32 caliber bullet wizzed pasted him. He rolled to get some cover behind a fallen mailbox, as more bullets ranging from .32 calibers from hunting rifles, and 5mms from miniguns flew passed him and into his cover.

Jak was amazingly good at telling what kind of ammuntion was flying past him and into his body and limbs as they crippled him. He also had a grand knowledge of the ammuntion used in each gun and who usually used that kind of gun in the wastes.

So far from what he could tell by the ammuntion was that he was being attacked by super muntants and super mutants brutes, and possibly a master with a minigun. He couldn't peek out witout the risk of being hit. So he had to estimate by the flowing stream of bullets above him that he was at least being attacked by eighteen muties or more as the locals called them.


Jak was hopelessly outnumbered, he could probably take out ten mutants indivdually with his laser rifle, but taking them all together and in the open, he couldn't possibly win! After all his thinking Jak noticed his cover was being covered in bullets and torn apart and would soon provide no cover. He looked to his left and saw a building about 20 meters away he estimated. He wouldn't make it that way, surely his corpse would be loaded with bullets if he tried. He looked to his right and to his surprise he saw a group of people wearing identical armor he had never seen before. They wielded a simailar laser rifle to his, except he had placed a scope on his. One seemed to be the leader of the others which seemed to be his squad. The leader walked up and pressed himself on the wall of the building, whick was mostly destroyed except for that wall. He pointed his thingers all-commando like, singialling to two soldiers to move to a nearby dumster about 5 meters infront off me, near the destroyed building, the two soldiers quickly did what they were commanded to do. One or two of the mutants must have noticed them becasue the pressure of the bullets on him had decreased, he still had to get to better cover through, so he sprinted to where the to soldiers were positioned near the dumpster. As he did this he could see the leader positioning the last of his squad, with the rest of the squad firing supporting fire for cover.

Jak wanted to help, for all he knew there might be a little reward for his assitance. He peeked out the other side of dumster, oppisite of the soldiers and saw ten muties left. The five man squad had taken out eight mutants in seconds. He noticed there were five super mutants left, three brutes, and two masters. Jak looked through his scope and moved it to a brute, his first shot burned the mutant's hand and made him drop his minigun. While he was still holding his hand from the sudden pain, Jak shot a second shot dismebering the muntant's hand. The soldier next to him for the first time noticed him "nice shot Wastelander, you could replace Raze!".Raze? Jak throught. While Jak was distracted a Master picked up a rockt launcher and was about to fire, when a sharpshooter got the master in his scope and shot. The .308 caliber went right through the master's head he manged to pull the trigger still, but as he fell his aim changed, the missle flew through the air into the building near Jak. The missle hit agansited the wall of a building above the dumpster Jak was currently using as cover. The wall crumbled and fell onto of Jak, and the two other soldiers. Jak instantly became unconscious. The last thing he heard was the screams of the men next to him and a slight laughing from the mutants.
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Jade MacSpade
 
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Post » Tue Aug 18, 2009 4:31 am

It was pretty good, but you need to correct some of the spelling mistakes you made there.
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Sammygirl500
 
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Post » Mon Aug 17, 2009 11:52 pm

Thanks, next time i will spell check it better
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Alexis Estrada
 
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Post » Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:14 pm

Really good, just work on the spelling
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Stephanie Kemp
 
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Post » Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:24 am

Well, it wasn't all that bad. One thing bugs me though. Outcasted is not a word. Improve your spelling and grammar, then try again.
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Laura Wilson
 
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