101 Ways to Kill a Mutant
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 2:46 am101 Ways to Kill A Mutant
Okay, this is just a fun little thing I’m doing on the side. Just some funny (idiotic) tips (that don’t qualify as tips). The Editors Notes are just someone else’s view on the ‘tips’. Have fun!
Foreword
Hello Vault Dwellers! By now you must be aware that you are reading one of the Vault-Tec Wasteland Survival Guides and therefore, everything inside is completely true and should not be questioned!
Now, when your Vault is opened and you are faced with the task of surviving the desolate, harsh, dangerous wastelands of America, your going to want to have fun! And part of having fun is staying alive. From our genetic scans and predictions, we predict that the Post-Apocalyptic world that your living in will contain two types of creatures. The first is a large robot that was created by the mix of Radiation and metal that obviously created Robots. The second is a large type of human, preferably with green skin and large muscles, this monster was created by [CROSSED OUT]-the FEV we released into the air when the nukes struck- [CROSSED OUT] the Communists to spite the greatest country in the world!
This book will be dealing with the second of these creatures, because little is known about how the robots came to be (Editors note: The writer was obviously high) so we will instead teach you to deal with the ‘Super’ Mutants.
101-90
101- Lay down on the ground and hope the mutant will mistake you as a large insect. If this does not work, proceed with step 100. (Editors Note: Wow you should probably stop reading right here…)
100- Run around screaming, preferably naked. (Editors Note: Also preferably hot!)
99- Give him a hug and try to work out if he was abused as a child. Everyone has a soft side, even if they are not human or capable of being reasoned with! On second thought you’re probably better with step 101… (Editors Note: Yes, because every monster was abused as a child…)
98- Throw very soft objects at him, trying to persuade him that you are pretty hardcoe. (Editors Note: If the soft objects are deadly soft objects you might stand a chance here!)
97- Ask him for directions and pretend that you are also a 8 foot tall, green monster. (Editors Note: Who wrote this? They should be shot…)
96- Stick your tongue out at him and call him a weeney. He will be shocked with your bad language and will give you a wide berth. (Editors Note: Facepalm)
95- Pretend to be a tree. (Editors Note: If a dog comes over while pretending to be a tree, tell it it’s barking up the wrong tree-thing. Hah, see what I did there…?)
94- Combine all of the above tactics. (Editors Note: How are you supposed to be an insect-mutant-tree that is throwing soft objects and asking for directions while asking about childhood abuse at the same time!!)
93- Search out your nearest sign pole and hide behind it like in cartoons. Heheh I love those things… (Editors Note: You really should have stopped reading awhile ago.)
92- Try to irritate it with a delightful melody. Something along the lines of Da-Da La-La- (Editors Note: Snip. The ‘song’ went on for five pages. Someone got a bit carried away with being an idiot.)
91- Make some Mutant-Go-Away powder. (Editors Note: I’m not even sure if this qualifies as a tip. Actually this whole book shouldn’t qualify as a book so what the hell!)
90- Use your Mutant-Go-Away Powder! (Editors Note: Wow that was pretty repetitive. Someone svcks at writing…
More on the way, later that is! Please feel free to suggest any tips for me to include in the guide feel free to post them. Sorry if my humour svcks, if it does then don’t read anymore!
Okay, this is just a fun little thing I’m doing on the side. Just some funny (idiotic) tips (that don’t qualify as tips). The Editors Notes are just someone else’s view on the ‘tips’. Have fun!
Foreword
Hello Vault Dwellers! By now you must be aware that you are reading one of the Vault-Tec Wasteland Survival Guides and therefore, everything inside is completely true and should not be questioned!
Now, when your Vault is opened and you are faced with the task of surviving the desolate, harsh, dangerous wastelands of America, your going to want to have fun! And part of having fun is staying alive. From our genetic scans and predictions, we predict that the Post-Apocalyptic world that your living in will contain two types of creatures. The first is a large robot that was created by the mix of Radiation and metal that obviously created Robots. The second is a large type of human, preferably with green skin and large muscles, this monster was created by [CROSSED OUT]-the FEV we released into the air when the nukes struck- [CROSSED OUT] the Communists to spite the greatest country in the world!
This book will be dealing with the second of these creatures, because little is known about how the robots came to be (Editors note: The writer was obviously high) so we will instead teach you to deal with the ‘Super’ Mutants.
101-90
101- Lay down on the ground and hope the mutant will mistake you as a large insect. If this does not work, proceed with step 100. (Editors Note: Wow you should probably stop reading right here…)
100- Run around screaming, preferably naked. (Editors Note: Also preferably hot!)
99- Give him a hug and try to work out if he was abused as a child. Everyone has a soft side, even if they are not human or capable of being reasoned with! On second thought you’re probably better with step 101… (Editors Note: Yes, because every monster was abused as a child…)
98- Throw very soft objects at him, trying to persuade him that you are pretty hardcoe. (Editors Note: If the soft objects are deadly soft objects you might stand a chance here!)
97- Ask him for directions and pretend that you are also a 8 foot tall, green monster. (Editors Note: Who wrote this? They should be shot…)
96- Stick your tongue out at him and call him a weeney. He will be shocked with your bad language and will give you a wide berth. (Editors Note: Facepalm)
95- Pretend to be a tree. (Editors Note: If a dog comes over while pretending to be a tree, tell it it’s barking up the wrong tree-thing. Hah, see what I did there…?)
94- Combine all of the above tactics. (Editors Note: How are you supposed to be an insect-mutant-tree that is throwing soft objects and asking for directions while asking about childhood abuse at the same time!!)
93- Search out your nearest sign pole and hide behind it like in cartoons. Heheh I love those things… (Editors Note: You really should have stopped reading awhile ago.)
92- Try to irritate it with a delightful melody. Something along the lines of Da-Da La-La- (Editors Note: Snip. The ‘song’ went on for five pages. Someone got a bit carried away with being an idiot.)
91- Make some Mutant-Go-Away powder. (Editors Note: I’m not even sure if this qualifies as a tip. Actually this whole book shouldn’t qualify as a book so what the hell!)
90- Use your Mutant-Go-Away Powder! (Editors Note: Wow that was pretty repetitive. Someone svcks at writing…
More on the way, later that is! Please feel free to suggest any tips for me to include in the guide feel free to post them. Sorry if my humour svcks, if it does then don’t read anymore!
bliviongate: :intergalactic: