Skyrim patch incoming
Following news that, at 280,000 concurrent players at its peak, Skyrim has broken player count records on Steam (that bit is actually true), Bethesda decide to take the PC entirely seriously again and will release a patch containing a slew of new graphics settings that everyone’s worked out how to do in ini files already. “Sorry,” said a man, “it’s a mystery to us that we didn’t put those options in in the first place too. Yeah, it’s pretty embarrassing that people can make the game look orders of magnitude better with a few quick tweaks in Notepad, isn’t it? I think we were distracted by a cute dog or something. Oh, there’s another one! Look at its floppy ears!”
XCOM FPS remake “a marketing ruse”
Turns out the controversial remake of godlike strategy game X-COM as a noisy FPS was a red herring. “Yeah, we’re not going to do that,” said a man. “I mean, it doesn’t make a lick of sense, does it? I’m amazed anyone fell for it, to be honest. The truth is we knocked up a few trailers to get the X-COM name back in the public consciousness – what we’re actually doing is a full-on remake of the original game. We’ve been secretly working with the Gollops for a few years now, and it’s so exciting that I think I’m going to fai….”
Syndicate remake renamed “Future Manshoot”
“It just seemed like the sensible thing to do”, said a man.
First Skyrim DLC announced
Fears of horse armour and oddly disconnected standalone dungeons were allayed today, as Bethesda revealed the first DLC for Skyrim would be a complete, faithful remake of the entirety of Morrowind in the updated engine. “Well, it was perhaps our finest hour,” said a man. “Seems silly not to keep it alive, doesn’t it?
http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2011/11/17/good-news-from-another-universe/
Spoiler
:nope: Obviously not real news... unfortunately.
