A friend of mine had a pet cat that she loved as a friend and family member for 13 years. It was an inside and outside cat, and it got fleas this past summer. This wasn't the first time I got fleas, so she didn't think it was that big of a deal. The cat didn't come home for 3 days but when it did, it had lost significant weight and was limping. It was acting strange, such as getting in front of the car. She brought it into the house to take care of it but it progressively seemed to get sick and lose appetite and strength and started hiding in cabinets.

She took it to the vet, and the vet said it needed X rays and was probably something like kidney failure. When she took it to get x rays at another vet, they found massive amounts of fleas (none of them had bitten her or had been seen in the house, and the cat was too weak to scratch any more). The vet ruled that the cat had flea anemia and had lost a great deal of blood. They got the fleas off the cat and gave her some vitamins and pastes to feed to the cat. At this point it couldn't walk and barely could stand.

The vet didn't believe her when she said this only happened during the 3 days the cat was gone, and politely implied neglect. After 5 days of feeding the cat and making it drink water, it died.

Originally, she decided to put off getting flea treatment, thinking that it could wait a few days. After the cat died, she found Frontline for cats under the sink in the bathroom. Needless to say, she feels responsible for the cats death, and it sort of looks like that's pretty true.

Which got me thinking, how can she cope with the guilt and the grief? Have any of you ever felt responsible for the death of a cherished friend? I don't really know what to tell her, because if I try to be rational/logical, it's going to be insensitive.

Learn from the mistake, next time she should do better. When she feels ready she shouldn't let that mistake stop her. Life is full of lessons like that. Nasty ones that make you look at yourself and wonder.

Poor girl. I don't think there's anything you could really tell her that would be appropriate in this situation. You should just let her ride it out. She'll find her own way, I guess.

First, thing, her house, and now probably yours, is flea infested. Their eggs take 11 days to hatch, so you should take steps now to deal with it. Call an exterminator.

Now, as for the issue at hand, this is tragic. However, if she can move forward and learn to pay more attention to those who are in her care, then this will be a life lesson for her.

However, based on the symptoms, it is doubtful the cat was just anemic from fleas. It probably caught a disease from the fleas. It was dying when it came home. Which is another reason to call an exterminator.

I wasn't over there during any of this, just talking on the phone. The cat died 2 days before New Years, and they did have a massive problem on their hands. The exterminator actually had to come spray the house 4 times within 2 weeks. They haven't had any problems for 2 months now, though.

Edit: She tried to put it out of her mind for a while but has been reflecting on it recently and is finding it difficult to cope with.

my neighbor across the road lost a full grown beagle to fleas a while back so fleas can be dangerous if unchecked

I don't believe her either. From that story she sounds completely neglictful and hopefully the cats in a better place.
I think it'd leave her outside for 3 days and not bother letting her bathe herself afterwards.

Consider, this is the only mammal pet she's had, she's had it for 13 years, and she or anyone she talked to, including the first vet had no idea how dangerous fleas could be.

I know it was her fault; she knows it was her fault. There's nothing to not believe here. The 2nd vet just didn't think that she was telling the truth about the 3 days. They thought it would have been sick like that for at least a month first.

Only one pet of mine has died of unnatural causes, my cat Otto. In his last weeks he suddenly became very ill and lost all appetite, and we quickly rushed him to a vet. Turned out he had some sort of parasite in him which had eaten his intestines or something. The vet did tell us that there had been nothing to cure Otto or prevent this parasite, so I assume it had been on him from before he came to us (he had grown up in the streets and a very, very abusive household before coming to us). Suffice to say I did not feel personally guilty for his death not least because I was too young to take proper care of him and thus he was on my mother's responsibility.
Indeed..
I can only imagine the pain the cat had to go through because someone couldn't find the time. There's not much room for "oops" when neglect ends up getting someone killed.