» Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:27 am
Well, the honeymoon is now over and it’s back to the daily grind of a life lived in Skrim for our hero Ragnar and his lovely new wife Ysolda. Saving for a new home they still share Ysolda’s modest dwelling and it’s her turn in the single bed. It’s 5am and Ragnar is awoken from his chair by the fire. Tink…tink……..tink…..SMASH! “Damn those kids!” he yells to himself “Sunday morning and they have nothing better to do than throw stones at our bloody windows”. Still stripped to the waist he is out the door in a heartbeat. At a full sprint with the log bucket in hand he begins hurling chunks of fire wood at the neighbours young hellspawn as they scatter and duck for cover. Most shots are aimed intentionally wide but the warrior’s spirit within him rises to the surface and the last chunk catches one of the little mongrels in the shoulder, sending him crashing into a flower bed. Ragnar stops in his tracks and scans the area for signs of movement…and witnesses. The kid is soon on his feet again and running home to Mummy. No doubt he’ll be telling tales of how the big man down the street threw a log at him for no reason at all. “Yeah, walk it off you little sod” he muttered under his breath as he turned and made for home, noticing that the neighbour had parked his horse and cart so that it blocked Ysolda’s driveway…AGAIN! He opened the door to Ysolda who had arisen and was making breakfast. After explaining the absence of firewood in the bucket and why he was sweating his wife suggested he take the dog for a walk and calm down.
People were beginning to stir in Whiterun and Nugget was happy to be at his master’s side. Man and dog made their way through the markets and Ragnar entered the Bannered Mare to pick up a loaf of bread. Halfway across the room he is approached by Uthgerd who thanks him again for taking her along on his last adventure. She says “I got you something” and hands over a copy of “The life of Uriel Septim”. “Thanks very much” our man replies “I was running low on toilet paper”…that part he keeps to himself. “Did you happen to see the bounty notice nailed to the bar?” Uthgerd points out as Ragnar picks up his loaf of freshly baked bread. “Bandit chief needs taking care of. Fancy a walk in the woods?…I could come with…If you’d like a hand.” Ysolda was preparing to open the stall today, they did need the money and the dog hadn’t been for a run in the woods for a while so Ragnar said “Sure, see you at the front gate in half an hour.” He picked up his weapon some supplies and the home cooked meal his wife had prepared. Kissed Ysolda on the cheek then headed for the front gate after wishing her a good day.
Uthgerd sprouted more of her Nordic wisdom as the pair made their way closer to the location marked on the bounty notice. Once they were near both dropped to a crouch, scouted the area then made their way inside.
A bandit stood listening to his friend moan about the pay and conditions they were working under when an arrow suddenly exited his colleagues eye socket and the ejected eyeball struck him hard in the face knocking him off balance. He had barely unsheathed his sword when a keen blade skewered him to the wall ending the worst day of his life. The pair of hunters moved further into the bandit’s hideout. Another sentry stumbled into the darkness trying to discern the origin of Uthgerd’s stray arrow and tripped his own booby trap thus ending his day under a pile of boulders. The rest of the corridors seemed empty and both warriors were beginning to think they would miss their payday. That was until they opened the door to a dining hall.
Shouts of “You shouldn’t have come here” filled the air, Nugget started barking and all hell broke loose. Bandits dropped their sweet rolls and picked up weapons as Ragnar waded in amongst them, his blade singing as it cleaved their numbers in two. Uthgerd, dressed in full battle armour and carrying her own great sword thought it best to crouch in the doorway and snipe at the attackers with her bow. It must still have been a bit early in the morning for the old girl as more than one arrow clattered off Ragnar’s fine iron armour. Unworried he continued his dance of death with the dwindling pack of looters. Our hero and the bandit chief locked eyes from across the room then drew towards each other to complete their destiny. Insults were hurled and blades clashed as the two big men faced off. Ragnar ducked under the leaders swing, recovered, then took his stance. Seeing his opening he brought his blade round in a powerful arc, light glistening from the razor sharp edge as it sliced through the air. It was at this exact moment that Uthgerd (who had obviously been sprinkling skooma on her cereal) decided to unsheath her own sword and join the fray. Howling like a crazed harpie she charged the bandit leader who recoiled allowing Uthgerd to step in front of Ragnar’s blade just as the tip reached maximum velocity. The full force caught her right in the back of the head. The chief was already on the up swing as Uthgerd stumbled forward. His blade caught her under the chin popping her head from her shoulders and sending it flying across the room. Her lifeless body slumped to it’s knees then pitched forward onto the floor. The decapitated head slammed into the wall, knocking loose a torch from it’s holder which then hit the floor and ignited the pool of lamp oil everyone was standing in. The place went up like a brandy soaked Christmas pudding. Ragnar ran about trying to beat out the flames, Nugget was in the corner attacking Uthgerd’s headless corpse but the chief kept coming. Again and again Ragnar parried his attacker’s swing until seeing the moment he had waited for he lunged forward. Four feet of fine Nordic iron entered the chief’s torso just below his sternum and exited between his shoulder blades. With a two-handed grip and the full weight of his fury, Ragnar lifted the bandit leader from his feet and into the air before dumping his deflated body down onto the main dining table with an almighty crash!
The fire has subsided but not before cremating the remains of Uthgerd, Ragner’s new deerskin trousers have a hole burnt through them and Nugget has a singed nose but is otherwise ok. Ragnar sits down at the head of the dining table to survey the destruction and catch his breath. He unwraps his home cooked meal, tosses a portion to Nugget then reaches for the only mug of ale that didn’t get spilt all over the floor. “A days work well done” he thought to himself “Now, let’s go home Nugget.”
After collecting the bounty following the long walk home, Ragnar entered the front door to their two room home just as it was getting dark. “How was your day my love?” Ragnar asked his wife as he hung up his weapon on the rack. “Wonderful my sweet” Ysolda replied “We made a tidy little profit at the stall today. Now, why don’t we eat dinner then sit by the fire so you can massage my feet and tell me all about your adventure. We might even have an early night. I’ll put on that outfit you like and you can give me a slice of that beefcake!”
Sorry Nugget…looks like you’re sleeping outside tonight!
Iron.
! No console for you to help with your woes.
