I make this thread with sorrow, for much of my work has been erased. I was storing bodies of my enemies in a certain house, which has a housecarl named Lydia. Ten minutes after I amassed 6 bodies, I noticed 4 were gone. I sought to understand why these bodies were missing, and commenced a full investigation. The only witness to this tragedy was Lydia, who sat upstairs gulping down bread as usual. She was unresponsive to my questioning, which led me to suspect that she was indeed behind the disappearance of the 4 missing subjects. I then attempted to find a motive for which she would do such a thing. I thought and I thought, and then I thought of her gluttony of bread. I thought, "What if she felt bread was too boring?" As I thought this, I realized that she must have eaten the bodies. It would be fairly simple to eat 4 bodies, as she much have the stomach capacity, since she devours bread all day. With no way to confront her, and certainly no evidence, I resigned to the idea of simply accepting that my time was wasted because of Lydia.



What has Lydia done to mess up your day?

Get help. Most communities have a help line for people like you.

Oh right. Always blaming Lydia. You know, even if it's easy for us to walk past traps without disarming them that does not mean it's easy for everyone.

I swear comedy does not exist for some people.

Do you really think I'm serious?

Ha ha! Interesting. Well... She got in the way of my arrow the other day and I put an arrow through her head. This distraction gave an enemy enough time to stab me in the gut. Other then that, besides her usual sassyness. She seems to be pretty well behaved.

Well, usually she kills people over stuff I drop in Riften's streets. Thankfully, Mjoll wasn't present otherwise the bodycount would have risen alot.

If she snots off one more time about carrying my burdens when I try and hand her a weapon upgrade I'll slap a b*t*h!

She's just carrying your burden. Surely that does not result in "krosis".

I dunno...her sassy-mouthed tone inspires a bit of "krosis"...I cry myself to sleep every night because of how ungrateful she can be sometimes.

On a side note: I'm drunk *blurp*

It's the botox.

If that is so, I cannot imagine the krosis caused by chilren in this game.

Or just weight gain from bread.

During my first play through of skyrim i brought lydia to a dwemer dungeon with me and as soon as enemies appeared she ran off to kill them while i was digging into all the chest and shelfs in every room. as soon as i left to follow i couldnt find her and i forget her completely. lydia was never seen again... and i remembered later on that she was holding my dragon priest masks....

Well I mean...she does get exercise when she stands and sits back in the chair. Back and forth back and forth. Then back to bread munching.

"Honored my Thane." munch munch munch ,"I am your shield and your sword." munch munch munch , "Sh!t, I'm suddenly too fat to get out this chair....." munch munch munch..........

Lydia is the best.

Stepping on traps, walking on a table full of [censored] when I'm trying to sneak.

Lydia gets sarcastic when I ask her to carry [censored]. She walks into traps. She walks into the same trap repeatedly because she's functionally [censored]. She's got no sense of patience. She darts right in front of my swing when I'm fighting. She'll stand there and watch me walk away, then have to run to catch up, because her feet hurt and she's passive-aggressive because she's apparently a sullen teenager.

Yet she's absolutely gung-ho and fearless, and she helps divide the enemy's attention, and she'll knock the [censored] out of draugr all day long, so I'm sticking with her.

I like Lydia...I love the way she yelps when I bump into her while wearing my battle suit, but doesn't say a word when 3 drauger deathlords tag team bash her....

But her most annoying habit is stepping on traps...and coughing. I swear to god, I know why there aren't any cigarrettes in Skyrim, it's because she's smoked them all and is hacking them up while I'm sneaking around deep dark dungeons.

The only time I recall her actually getting angry with me and attacking me was when I got the narks with that little snot gobbler in Solitude when he said "I thought adventurers were supposed to look tough?" for the forty or fiftieth time, and I changed into the wolf-man and chased him round the market place (Take note, it really is a fun thing to do, but make sure you have a save handy...it doesn't do your street cred much good).

Lydia and one day got into a tennis match against each other using a Draugr Overlord. She'd hit it, it would stagger back, would hit it, it would stagger back Lydia's way, etc, etc.

Lydia chooses to eat food, IN MY BEDROOM, instead of the freaking dining room.

CRUMBS LYDIA, CRUMBS ARE HOW WE GET ANTS!

AND CRUMBS IN MY BEDROOM, MEANS ANTS IN MY BEDROOM.

AND ANTS IN MY BEDROOM, MEANS ANTS CRAWLING IN MY EARS AND NOSE AS I SLEEP.

SO STOP EATING BREAD IN MY BEDROOM LYDIA!!!!

Use the dining room ffs, that's why we have one.