(Horrible Scots accent) Och, laddie, that cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought wi it an lived! Bones o full fifty men lie strewn abou' it's lair!
"You MANKY SCOTS GIT! I almost soiled me armor I was so scared!"
@ OP, if this is going where it's logical conclusion seem to be, I hope you figure it out!