As far as the six of the bard goes... what, if anything, decides that?
Will it match the six of your character? I am male and my bard at Lakeview is male but i would like female. Or, is it based on where you build your home?

-Thanks

If you want a female get a bard for one of the other houses, both are female. Everyone gets the same bards, just as we get the same housecarls.

It's based on the location. Falkreath gets a man, Hjaalmarch and the Pale women.