An Altmer attended an show where a ventriloquist who fancied himself a comedian told about twenty Altmer jokes in a row.
"Look", shouted the Altmer, standing up in the audience, "I'm fed up being insulted by all these jokes. We're not as stupid as you make out,"
"Please sit down sir and be calm", said the ventriloquist, "after all it's only a joke, and don't tell me Altmer don't have a sense of humour".
"I'm not talking to you", said the Altmer, "I'm talking to that little fellow on your knee".
A Nord was brought to court for pushing an Altmer off the top of White-gold tower, the tallest building in Tamriel.
"You shouldn't have done that you know", said the judge, "you might have hurt somebody walking below".
Am Altmer went to insure his carriage and paid 20 septims to have it insured against fire.
"For 10 septims more sir", said the agent, "you can insure it against theft also".
"That would be a waste of money", said the Altmer, "who would ever steal a burning carriage?".
Two Altmer were building a house.
"Hey", said the first Altmer, "these nails are defective. The heads are on the wrong end".
"You fool", said the second Altmer, "those are for the other side of the house".
Altmer viewing a broken window:-
"It's worse than I thought. It's broken on both sides".
"You have been found not guilty of robbery", said the judge to an Altmer.
"Does that mean I can keep the money?" asked the Altmer.
Yeah I posted these before, deal with it.
