Bad Luck Dovahkiin

Post » Sun Oct 21, 2012 12:04 pm

The point of this thread is to start a chain of bad luck brian scenarios for laughs. These can be your own situations, or situations. For instance:

Spoiler
Bad luck Kodlak- Gets cure for werewolf disease and goes to Sovngarde...Alduin returns.
Or Dovahkiin defeats Alduin the world eater, becomes harbinger of the companions, saves the world from vampires....gets friendzoned by Serana.
You can also post jokes relating to Skyrim as well, like "Why did the Khajiit decide NOT to cross the road? Because he went Elsweyr"

or

http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Lore:On_the_Great_Collapse

Hopefully they wont be as corny as mine, but we'll see.

This thread is of course reminiscent of the "Skyrim Jokes" thread, and I want to try to keep this one alive. To do that, please no ps3 "jokes" or Bethesda or Skyrim bashing jokes, etc etc.

Have fun!
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Tania Bunic
 
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Post » Sun Oct 21, 2012 8:11 pm

An Altmer attended an show where a ventriloquist who fancied himself a comedian told about twenty Altmer jokes in a row.
"Look", shouted the Altmer, standing up in the audience, "I'm fed up being insulted by all these jokes. We're not as stupid as you make out,"
"Please sit down sir and be calm", said the ventriloquist, "after all it's only a joke, and don't tell me Altmer don't have a sense of humour".
"I'm not talking to you", said the Altmer, "I'm talking to that little fellow on your knee".


A Nord was brought to court for pushing an Altmer off the top of White-gold tower, the tallest building in Tamriel.
"You shouldn't have done that you know", said the judge, "you might have hurt somebody walking below".


Am Altmer went to insure his carriage and paid 20 septims to have it insured against fire.
"For 10 septims more sir", said the agent, "you can insure it against theft also".
"That would be a waste of money", said the Altmer, "who would ever steal a burning carriage?".


Two Altmer were building a house.
"Hey", said the first Altmer, "these nails are defective. The heads are on the wrong end".
"You fool", said the second Altmer, "those are for the other side of the house".


Altmer viewing a broken window:-
"It's worse than I thought. It's broken on both sides".


"You have been found not guilty of robbery", said the judge to an Altmer.
"Does that mean I can keep the money?" asked the Altmer.

Yeah I posted these before, deal with it. :cool:
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Jinx Sykes
 
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Post » Sun Oct 21, 2012 5:00 am

Don't know if this qualifies as jokes, but awhile back I posted a list of questions about Skyrim. Here are some of the best responses I got.

Q. If you opened a store, what would you sell?
Skooma and six toys

Q. Would you rather French kiss an Orc, a Khajiit, or an Agronian?
Orc, because I’m not sure how you’d smooch something with a snout.
Argonians probably have the longest tongues, so I'd go for one of them.
Khajiit. It's not really possible to kiss the other two without cutting your mouth.

Q. Would you rather have that Dunmer apprentice turn you (permanantly) into a cow, a dog, or a horse?
Dog. Everyone loves dogs. And all I have to worry about is eating, crapping, and humping. And nobody rides dogs or makes them dinner. Aty least not in America.
Dog, then you could wind her by licking your own bits and humping her leg.

Q. Which Dark Brotherhood Member would you rather have kill you (No, you can't choose None of the Above)?
Astrid, hopefully receiving a parting gift of a quickie before I'm offed.

Q. Why there's no natural reproduction lin Skyrim: which of the three sounds most dreadful to deal with, in-game? (a ) Pregnancy and natural childbirth, (b ) Potty-training your kids, or (c ) Dealing with obnoxious (and yes, still essential) teens?
Pregnancy. How would Maternity Armor work?
Pregnancy and child birth. I don't want to watch Lydia have to push a rug through her, given I'm a Khajiit and she's my wife. Some things are best left to the imaginations of those who get turned on by this kind of stuff.
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Stephanie Valentine
 
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Post » Sun Oct 21, 2012 10:07 am

Awesome thread!

Q. If you opened a store, what would you sell?
Daedric artifacts.

Q. Would you rather French kiss an Orc, a Khajiit, or an Agronian?
Tough one, because orcs have the... the tusk things, Argonians would cut you and Khajiit are rather hairy. But, I guess Khajiit, I can put up with hair better the tusks.

Q. Would you rather have that Dunmer apprentice turn you (permanantly) into a cow, a dog, or a horse?
Horse. Have you seen the size of a horse's dike?

Q. Which Dark Brotherhood Member would you rather have kill you (No, you can't choose None of the Above)?
Nazim. He is the biggest BAMF in there.

Q. Why there's no natural reproduction lin Skyrim: which of the three sounds most dreadful to deal with, in-game? (a ) Pregnancy and natural childbirth, (b ) Potty-training your kids, or (c ) Dealing with obnoxious (and yes, still essential) teens?
Potty training. My house has no toilet for some reason.

Mine aren't really funny, but might as well.
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Rachel Cafferty
 
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