So, on two different characters, I just absolutely can NOT become Thane of the Pale. On my main character (created before getting Hearthfire), I can become the Thane, but I really want to become the Thane with a new character because I'd like my character to marry the housecarl Gregor.

Both characters have finished the civil war, one on each side. Neither of these Jarls will even give the dialogue to start the quest for me to become the Thane. Yes, my characters have completed Waking Nightmare. They are both well over level 22. And no, I haven't done the quest to kill a giant, because I can't receive it. I only get a few dialogue options with the Jarls, none of them involving any quest whatsoever.

What am I doing wrong?