seriously, just ask her out

No no. Nonsense is what this is.

You should stalk her on facebook for a couple weeks, report to the teachers that you saw her giving a handy to the weirdest boy in school and always make sure to notice when she does something stupid in class, Also, you might want to go ahead and tell her that her friends are looking especially chubby. Give her some details explaining their chubbiness.

Then come around dance time, go ahead and ask her out. All the stuff you did earlier will have domino effects that lead her to say yes. When you guys go to the dance you should dye your hair to where there's a little bit of grey on the sides. Like how middle aged people get. This should teach her early on that you're pretty cool. And before the night's over, make sure to give her a firm open palm slap on the behind to assert your dominance. That last part is pretty important.

And boom, the secrets to dating. Feel free to share that hot info with all your friends.