Ok seriously this is starting to frustrate me, hopefully you guys can help.

My custom followers seem to completely disappear from the game if i ever dismiss them. i always figured they would just return to where i originally placed them in the CK but i guess thats not the case.

I'm assuming theres something i'm missing? Anybody got any ideas?
Any help would be greatly appreciated!

They may be returning to the place their alias point at. Just edit the aliases of your follower and learn where they point at.

How does one accomplish this? sorry for sounding like a total noob but i'm still pretty new to all of this....

Default game companions have a sandbox return to editor location AI package placed as the last AI package on the list in the AI package tab on the NPC setup window. When you dismiss a companion they switch to this package and go home. You can use the same thing for a custom companion. Or you can substitute a sandbox at current location package, and they will stay in the area where they are. This way you can leave them at any home you choose or any inn, tavern, etc. that might be more convenient.

Ok so i tried doing what you suggested, i went into the AI Package tab and set them to DefaultSandboxEditorLocation512.
But that doesn't seem to have done anything, my follower still wont return to the spot i want him to, instead he just completely disapears from the game.

Are you using a dirty save game? Make sure to use a save game that never had your mod active.

I was under the impression that doing a 'resurrect' or a 'disable / enable' forced a re-read of the esp, so that one could make changes on the fly. I know that this works (or seems to, for the characters that I've modded) with face / hair changes, and certain other (inventory, spells, etc.) changes...

However, I did a rather heavily modified Lydia, and it seemed that nothing that I did would get the modified Lydia to show up except a completely new PC. By that I mean I started with a PC that I'd made, and saved, at just after the start of 'before the storm', and the modified lydia did not appear at the end of 'dragon rising'... The non-modified lydia showed up. No amount of disabling / enabling, resurrecting, would help. I did not try a character made just after 'unbound'...

So, I am also confused.

(I'm going to have to learn how to make a new PC without going through all of that lllooooooonnngggg carriage ride, then once the character is made, the lllooooooooonnngggg beheading scene, followed by the llloooonnngg tutorial bit...)

Start a new toon with no mods running. Play through the first part of the game and make a new save as soon as you leave the caves when you escape Helgen. That gives you a fresh point to start from after all the other stuff.

Or use Alternate Start - Live Another Life mod. http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/downloads/file.php?id=9557