ive started a theft char. so i want to make my main hub in riften but every time i talk to the jarl nothing happens can you own a house there

You need to do several quests for the locals and then do the "identify the skooma dealer" quest before the jarl will offer the house.

Try talking to the steward. If he doesn't sell you one you have to become a Thane of Riften by doing quests for people in the Rift.

No, just five quests.

You also have to give a health potion to Wujeeta (?) and then ask her about her dealer and the talk to the Jarl and everything else should become clear.

by local does the guild count or do i have to find fire slats and death bells?

Dont think TG counts, since its technically the "underground" and not actually a part of the city. I would suggest just doing the quests for people to ensure it all goes properly.