Okay... I'm kinda quite looking for some thoughts on a situation of mine and I personally believe a vast majority of this forum are quite intelligent and well good people so decided to post...

The other day, we had a family get together type of thing with my mother side of the family at a public restaurant. Well, same thing as always happened except a different ending this time around. Normally at these things when I try to talk with someone in my family, I am either ignored and basicly told to keep my mouth shut and continue sitting there. Eventually, I got tired of trying to get into a conversation and sat in my chair, feeling alone like always at these things... The difference though I actually brought my deactivated android, with headphones, (Which I only use for one reason) and ended up just listening to music to help calm my nerves. Eventually, my mother said I was being rude and tried to take my phone+headphones away, which I PAID for (And the fact I am 19 and not a young little spoiled kid really just makes it even worse as it makes me feel that I am looked down upon as a child). I basicly refused to let go mainly because she had no right to take them (I do understand that I was being rude but I've felt unwanted and uncared so what do you expect? I wanted to be 'away' and in my lonely place).

Anyways, ended up the headphones breaking and I decided to simply get up and walk out of the place and sit down in a chair outside for awhile to be alone... Nobody bothered to come out to ask me if I'm okay and when I did eventually came back to my seat inside, nobody bothered to ask me anything until I got a side burn (Probably from the chicken. It wasn't really good)... And the thing that really made me a bit mad is that eventually in the car ride my mother said something to the effect "How do you think it makes me feel when you do stuff like that?". My thoughts on that are basicly, "How do you think I feel?", though I said nothing.

The thing is... I feel like my family only cares for me as a living being, NOT for who I am, my social wishes, my thoughts, etc... Just me to be there and alive... And I don't know if I'm just looking at this wrong or not, as I do tend to look at things differently than others, and that is why I wish for some thoughts on this matter, if anybody cared to share them.

If I were you, I'd stand up for myself and point out how she has no right to look down on you for 'being rude' when the family is being rude in turn. However, part of the blame lies on you as you should have confronted your family long ago if they're as ignoring of you as you say.

Sounds like your family has the old tradition of "children are to be seen and not heard" type of vibe. Well you can try to talk to your parents about how you feel about the way you're being treated---or take Colonel Martyr's advise.

I've confronted both my mother and sister about this quite a few times before. Both agreed to be nicer basicly, but never kept to their promises. Thus the ignoring continued onward.

And I've had moments of standing up for myself when a family member tries something I find being rude but never ends nicely for me. Especially with my step father.

If you're that fed up with it and nothing changes, you have two roads to take then. Route A: Pipe down and keep your head lowered and do as you're told and take what they say, or B. Move out. If you're as neglected or distant as you say, just move out with a friend or a cheap house.

I myself am from a home where I didn't have my father ran away from home and my mother is emotionally distant in part due to her rather rough upbringing by my grandmother. While I've lamented never having that American Family feel in my home, I at least understood that my family is a bit rougher than some because A. We're poor and B. Disfunctional variables.

Ultimately, it comes down to whether you're willing to persist in asking for your 'fair treatment', not just when it suits you. I confronted my mum after I was 18 after being sent away at 16. While I'm delving out my personal life story here, there's a purpose to it. Your parents may care more than they let on, you're just too overly emotional to comprehend their affection is shown in a different way (As I learned after I became an advlt). But the point is, if you're expecting fair treatment, you'll need to persist and keep talking about it otherwise it'll just keep being pushed to the side.

Are "appearances" considered very important in the family with an over-focus on social graces bs?

If so you're needs are likely to come second fiddle as it's going to have been drilled into them for years. "Don't make a scene, don't embarrass the family, why can't you just make an effort? Father knows best". That kind of crap.

Your best bet is to excuse yourself to not have to endure the dog and pony show otherwise it's a case of pretending to give a monkeys left nut about 'keeping up appearances'. As a long shot you could try taking out family members to situations you control that don't have the previous conditions in the hope that it shakes things up and their perspective. Booze helps. Difficult to have a stick up your ass if you can't even hold the stick.

Trying not to sound rude but... What? I'm a little confused on here what is being said in general. I understand a good part of it but can't seem to grab on the original thought on the post right here...

Sounds like you didn't do anything wrong to be honest. Compared to the rest of your family do you find yourself to be "different" compared to them?

Well, you can at least take comfort in the fact that you're not alone with this experience, I guess. My family doesn't exactly appreciate my interest, and all my thoughts and opinions are considered rude and unneeded. Whenever I'm in a social gathering like that, I tend to keep to myself; if anyone addresses me, I'll reply.

I guess the only differences here are the fact that my family doesn't care if I'm wearing headphones around guests, and that the whole ignoring me and the thought-suppression is a universal thing for me (Which is not a bad thing).

I'm different compared to everybody I know in real life, personally.

We really need to hang out sometimes, lol.

It sounds like you're currenlt stuck with the "my house, my rules" problem. Before I left for boot camp, I was expected to go to a lot of functions I would rather skip. I bit my tongue and did my "family duty". I moved back home for a couple years after I got out of the Navy. Since I was 24, and paying rent, I had more leeway and avoided some functions. Once I moved out, and 30 miles away from the rest of the family, I only went to the gatherings I wanted to attend.

At 19, are you working/paying rent/room and board? If you are covering at least some of your living expenses, you should be able to argue for more control over your activities. If they are paying for everything, it gives them a bigger handle on you, and your actions.

If they don't give you any choice in attending these things, about all you could do is move out.

Going to assume you still live at home? That's not a judgement at all, mind you. Just that in my experience once you're living on your own and no longer under your parents' roof, that tends to change the family dynamic.

As a parent myself now, there's some tendencies that I'm already noticing about myself - and my son is only 2 years old. And I have a feeling it's kind of a condition of being a parent in general. The thing is that your own advancement as an individual happens quicker than your family's ability to recognize those changes. You may feel like your own person with your own thoughts and opinions, but from the outside looking in it may be difficult for your mother to recognize, much less adapt her parenting style. I still find myself treating my son like a baby more often than not, and forget that he's perfectly capable of walking around with me instead of me carrying him everywhere. I can't imagine how tough a transition it's going to be when he goes from a child to an advlt.

To be perfectly blunt, it does sound like you were pouting and if you'll pardon another baseless assumption (since I don't really know you personally and admittedly could be totally off base,) I'd also wager you putting on your headphones was at least subconsciously an attempt to be noticed when you get right down to it. Your mother's reaction may have been inappropriate given the circumstances and your age, but a response was likely warranted, and again if I'm being honest at least understandable, if not ideal.

Personally, family is something you just have to deal with, good and bad. You may not always like them, may not always get along with them - but once you're on your own even if they don't necessarily treat you any better, it does tend to change people's perceptions of you. And either way you'll at least have your freedom and more important things to deal with by then. Eventually your family's opinions stop mattering as much (in my experience at least,) and it's easier to deal with them when you're only seeing some of them a couple of times a year or so.

Heck, I'm in my mid-30's. I have a steady job, a wife, and a son. Of my immediate family I'm at least one of the more stable and responsible ones. But even now I've got family members wondering what I'm going to do when I grow up.

Tell them how you feel. Straight up. Drop a bomb on them... [censored] it, is what I always say. My family is as messed up as that as well. I mostly avoid the [censored]s in my family, but when I don't I usually just do my own thing. I don't care what they have to say or think of me. Blood doesn't make you family, a deep connection, makes you family... and I feel nothing for 90% of my family.

Agreed; God knows I need more friends.

Oh, and demand your mom to replace your headphones. I'm assuming you paid for those, too?

I've been looking for a minor job. Planning to check out the local store right across the street tomorrow if they are looking for anybody, as I do wish to pay for myself.

But beyond that, I don't know. I have driving phobia and going behind the wheel will just put me into an unconscious state so I do need help from a friend or family member no matter what... At least until I get lucky and not only get into a city life but also a job I can walk to and the stores nearby as well.

1stly, I do live with my mother mainly because of my driving phobia. If I could easily drive without going unconscious, I would be moved out by now as I would've easily gotten a well paying job (About 12-14 dollars an hour-ish I think is well paying) during highschool years and would've had the money to get out. BUT because of my phobia, I lost the chance for that job thus lost the chance to get out on my own as I would wish.

2ndly, putting on my headphones was just me wishing to be alone. That's why I left after what my mother did. I wanted to be alone as that is what I was feeling at the time.

There's a quote about that... Something along the lines "I believe a family is a special connection between people because of similarities... It is rare for a true family to grow up under the same roof." Something like that... Can't really remember it fully right now as I normally put it into my own words when I do read quotes.

They were about 18 dollars pair of headphones I've bought. Good awesome pair as well. I'm definably making her replacing them! I've already made that clear to her, since I've kinda already begun making a lot of things clear as well.

And same here... Specially friends who can understand me and vice versa. Need to find you on Facebook or Deviantart, lol.