Some time previous, I introduced a topic that asked a whole set of questions for Skyrim players, some fairly serious, some more humorous. A number of people had fun with it, and I didn't get banned, so I thought I'd do another one, with a new set of questions. I hope you laugh a lot, and maybe even think a little.

If you want to see the old one (which probably had better questions, since the original is always better than the sequel), you can check it out here: http://www.gamesas.com/topic/1413125-a-whole-lot-of-questions/

Just remember to stay on topic, be respectful, and keep explanations reasonably brief. And that this is just for fun.

PART 1 - The Good

1. Would you rather have (for yourself, not your character) the flight power of the Dova? Or the life span of an Altmer (500 years)?
2. Would you prefer the cold resistance of a Nord? Or a Dunmer's resistance to heat?
3. How about the Bosmer's ability to befriend animals? Or the Imperial ability to unfailingly and instantly stop any fight?
4. Would you want a bow that shoots rainbows? Or a quiver that dispenses beer?
5. Which provinces that have never had their own game (Orsinium, Black Marsh, Elsweyr, Valenwood, High Rock, Morrowind, Hammerfell, and Summerset) would you like to visit IN A SKYRIM DLC? You may pick up to two.
6. Which unvisited province (Black Marsh, Elsweyr, Valenwood, and Summerset) would you select for ES VI?
7. If you could marry any jarl, which one would you choose?
8. If you could become jarl of any hold, which hold would you go with (you are not eligible to be High King even if you choose solitude)?
9. If you could make armor (comparable to Dragonplate) out of precious stones, would you make yours out of rubies, sapphires, or emeralds? You have an unlimited supply of stones, but can choose only one type.
10. Would you add seasons to Skyrim? Or not? Either way, assume that the game would run no better or worse than it surrently does.


PART 2 - The Bad

1. If you had to defend yourself (IRL) with one weapon from Skyrim, which would you choose?
2. Of the three types of Destruction spells, which one would you rather be HIT with (you will survive, but no magical healing is possible)?
3. Which Companion would you rather have to share a sleeping bag with (the only other option is freezing to death)?
4. Which College teacher would you rather have detention with?
5. Which College student would you rather have to take out on a date?
6. New Illnesses (I) - Would you rather have Kleptomania (looking at an owned object yields a 25% chance of stealing it, with the usual penalty)? Or Sleepwalking (Sleeping or waiting yields a 25% chance of waking up somewhere else, not too far off)?
7. New Illnesses (II) - Would you rather deal with Head Lice (-5 Speechcraft)? Or Toothache (Shouts have a 10% chance of failure)?
8. New Illnesses (III) - Tennis Elbow (-15% Melee damage)? Or Athlete's Foot (-15% running speed)?
9. That crazy Dunmer from the college is at her transforming magic again! Would you rather be transformed (permanantly) into a bear? A wolf? Or a fox?
10. The Dark Brotherhood has a contract out on you again... which one would you NOT want to kill you (All of the Above is not an option)?
11. Do you choose to kill Paarthunax? If so, why? If not, why not?
12. Would you rather (while weaponless and unarmored) kick an ice bear's backside? Or a frost trolls's?


PART 3 - The Insane

1. Name one female character who you think might actually be a male in drag?
2. The opposite of #2
3. Variation on a prior theme. Would you rather sleep in a camp full of itchy, flea-bitten Khajiit? Or in a tree full of Bosmer (no fleas, but some... interesting dietary habits)?
4. Would you rather eat an Imperial's dirty socks? Or an Altmer's?
5. Same question, but a Khajiit's? Or an Argonian's?
6. Pick three male characters you'd seriously like to give good, hard wedgies to.
7. Pick three characters (either six) you'd seriously like to give a pie in the face.
8. Which Shout would you rather have your Dovahkiin learn?
The nvde Shout - Any advlt character's clothes automatically fall off, leaving them in their undergarments. NOT effective against children, or people who are attacking/fighting you.
The Pink Shout - Any character's clothes turn a lurid color of pink (no effect on armor rating). Effective against everyone.
9. You have discovered a hidden cache of Dwemer contraptions, but can only make one work. Which do you choose?
The Horse-mounted Gatling Gun - Limitless ammo and high rate of fire, but only effective on horseback.
The Air-powered Hovercraft - Incredible speed, but no weapons, and only works on water.


PART 4 - The Closet
1. If you had no choice but to be locked in a 4x4 foot closet for 6 hours with one of the 17 jarls in the game, which jarl would you choose?
2. Which Companion (same conditions)?
3. Which College member?
4. Which Dark Brotherhood member (they won't kill you)?
5. Which merchant?
6. which miscellaneous NPC?


BONUS QUESTION

B. Family of Five Alert! You are moving to Skyrim, getting married, and adopting a family! No, you DON'T have a choice. Which spouse do you choose (any marriable character may be chosen), and which three kids do you adopt?*

*WARNING: If you answer "None of the Above", that is perfectly OK, because Oddish is perfectly happy to choose for you! You will marry the bald orc Ghorza! And your children will be Aventus (better not ground him, or he'll send the Brotherhood after you), Francois (get ready for endless yapping about his real parents coming for him), and Blaise (because no house is complete without a kid who smells like horse poop).

1 Life span of altmer

1. Lifespan. What's the point of luvin in a beautiful world without the time to see it all?
2. Heat resistance. I can warm up from being cold and sweat stains are not attractive.
3. Befriending animals. People can be avoided and I prefer animals anyway.
4. Rainbow bow! How cool would that [censored] be?
5. Black Marsh and Elswyr as my two favourite races hail from there.
6. Valenwood perhaps? Since I feel like the Wood Elves are the most ignored of the races.
7. I don't much like any of the jarls. If I was straight then perhaps the Karl of Morthal. Ignoring age differences, she the most intelligent of the jarls and wisest.
8. Oooooh, winter the Rift for its gorgeous scenery, Falkreath for it's quiet or Solitude for its shopping <.< >.>
9. Sapphiressss.
10. Yesssss, along wih holidays to coincide.

1. A staff. I could deflect, make then retreat with a wide swing then zap em with whatever spell it's got.
2. Frost. Less damaging than lightning and easier to recover from than fire.
3. From all the yummy choices? Aha, Farkas, cause he'd make light of the situation and he's not half bad looking.
4. Tolfdir, as he wouldn't be angry but would rather try to help out so I wouldn't be in detention again.
5. J'Zargo, he'd be a blast with his competitiveness.
6. Kleptomania
7. Toothache.
8. Tennis Elbow.
9. Fox, then a child would keep me as a happy pet
10. Cicero? He'd be bloody terrorfying.
11. No, everyone deserves a chance to repent and he has repented plenty.
12. Ice bear. Eventually itd give up and go home by a troll would be relentless.

1. Tarrie :')
2. Ulfric, aha, that would be a brillIant twist.
3. Khajiit, as theyd be better company
4. Eww, Altmer :S
5. Ugh, argonian? They swim alot so they might be cleaner :')
6. Ulfric, Rolof, and the dude who says I do get to the cloud district often.
7. Tarrie, Ulfric and Maven, aha.
8. The nvde shout, would make some night much easier
9. Hovercraft, as I cant stand horses :s

1. Maven, she'd get the thieves guild to get us out in seconds.
2. Farkas. Same reasons as the sleeping bag
3. The dunmer, she'd be logical about it.
4. Vezeera, he's an alright dude.
5. One of the khaki it traders, they could break out easy :')
6. Any really, I wouldn't mind.

1. I'd marry marcunio, the riften Mage guy, and adopt Lucia, Sophia and Aventus :3

Part 1
1. Neither.
2. Dunmer - global warming, an' all...
3. Bosmer.
4. lol, neither.
5. I'd love to see the rest of Morrowind that we didn't see.
6. Valenwood. I'd like to follow in the footsteps of Decumus Scotti.
7. Me, and not my character? Um, that would be bigamy.
8. The Rift. The look on Maven's face would be priceless.
9. Hmm, rubies I guess for the colour. Although rubies and sapphires have the same hardness (and are the same stone).
10. I love the idea of seasons, although it would take me a while to acclimatise.

Part 2.
1. Fus Ro Dah. No evidence to convict me with.
2. Lightning. I've been electrocuted in RL and it was exhilarating.
3. Aela. She's the Companion I'd trust most.
4. Drevis Neloran.
5. Yisra.
6. Sleepwalking in the game.
7. I've heard toothaches can be bad, so I guess head Lice. (Where do you come up with this stuff? ) Speechcraft has been pretty useless to me in the game, but are we still talking about RL?
8. Tennis Elbow.
9. Wolf. Pretty sure my family would still love me if I was a wolf.
10. Festus.
11. I'll never kill Paarthurnax (I didn't even do it outside of my character to experience what outcome the game gives you). I find him a compelling character who is outside my ability to judge him - his life is outside a human scale in many ways including the simple fact of how long he has lived. What humanoid can relate to him enough to judge him?
12. Frost troll. A bear is subject to Kyne's Peace, so I won't kick them. Frost trolls are not affected by Kyne's Peace so they're fair game (plus they don't exist in RL, which makes for a short fight).

Part 3.
1. Taarie. She has a bit of a drag queen biatch attitude.
2. ?
3. Khajiit. Had enough of elves sleeping in trees in Lord of the Rings.
4. Define 'eat'...
5. Ditto
6. I'm not touching anyone's underwear...
7. Maven in a classic http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK6SS8CXYZo. And Delphine if it was a pie with a brick in it.
8. A nvde shout would be more immersive. What, bright pink just doesn't belong in Skyrim.
9. A hovercraft that I could load Iona on and set it for North into the Sea of Ghosts. She should really get out of the house more often.

Part 4.
1. Idgrod Ravencrone. Pretty sure I'd learn something.
2. Kodlak
3. Tolfdir
4. Veezara
5. Brand-Shei
6. Marcurio - he's the NPC I've spent the most time with, and has the best random comments.
(I chose all NPCs that I would consider would be the most interesting, or who could tell me something I didn't know).

Pretty sure I'll have to edit this at some point.