Yes. How dare the person whose fiance's dying, not be thinking about you? The nerve.

I had something pretty similar happen.

This dates back to when the earthquake happened here in New Zealand, it was only a few weeks after it happens IIRC so some major cleaning up was still happening, people were still pretty shaken up and nerves were still pretty frayed. I was working in a computer store as a sales person, pretty much the only one that was open in the city at the time. Business was booming for us (it was just unfortunate that it couldn't have been under better circumstances) and we were getting people from all walks of life coming in through the door.

Anyway, one day this guy walks in with his girlfriend. I let them walk around the store for a few moments then go ask if there is anything that I could help with, turns out he's looking for a fairly decent gaming computer. We go through the process of figuring out his budget, if there's something in particular that he wants, what he's actually going to use the computer for so I can best match his hardware requirements and eventually we get everything settled.

So I'm grabbing his details and getting payment for the computer and while I'm going through these motions, I'm making small talk and out comes some wise crack from me about him just getting this so he can just play some game that has just being released or is about to get released. He looks at me evenly and without any hesitation he says "Actually, no. I'm buying this computer to cheer myself up because both of my parents got killed in the CTV building."

My first thought was just like the OP but it was a very fleeting feeling, after that I felt pretty [censored] small and apologetic. He said not to worry about it, he'd had enough sympathy from everyone else around him which he said he found unbearable and he didn't need any more from me.

I could understand that and we both got on with it.

This morning on Facebook
Friend: Just up and already having a [censored] day, I could literally baw my eyes out!
(Shes has the cold, up at 6am, exam at 9am....)
Me: Arabian goggling yourself at this time isn't advised.
Friends BF: Fern shut up
Me: I don't want to.
Friend: No seriously going to go away I can't be doing with this right now.
Me: Well you didn't need to pay attention to my daft comment in the first place, and if you're really stressing about your exam then get off Facebook and stop complaining.

Friend: (via Text Message) Jordan my grans really ill in the hospital ok, this isn't about the exam.
Me: (via Text Message) Sorry about that then.

I felt like a dike after the facebook posts and that text that I phoned her and said sorry

I say things like that if nothing else comes to mind quick enough, because ultimately it does svck.

Oh good. That's much more acceptable.

has happened to me several times. much better if people can just tell me right up what's going on

There is no good way to break bad news, best to get it out and be done with it.
I would much rather be the person feeling like an ass than the person who is losing their fiancee to a terminal illness.

What your dad's friend needed was not a breakdown of how he chooses to communicate. What he needed was someone to listen, someone to be there for him emotionally. His lover is going to DIE, and people are worried about how the news was broken? WTF!!!