Honestly I would of crushed his skull no actually I would use vampire seduction feed on him then crush his skull.

Discworld reference, nice!

@OP: Superb story, what an awesome guard xD

That's exactly what I told one of my housemates when it happened.

Just a little add on: I finished my time in the mine, which was fun preying on the prisoners there as a vamp. When I got out, a guard walked past me, drew his sword, and instantly started to attack me. I thought it might have been the same guard, who knows, or the game glitched and I'll always be wanted in Markarth. Turns out, there was a Falmer Nightprowler behind me that followed me out of the mine. Does this happen often?

I've already done that

" That's awesome bud ! I luv it when games go off the cuff like that. Makes me wish I knew more about what goes into this stuff, ya know. But I think it's wicked kool when really odd stuff goes on like that. "

op guard should join the dawnguard the vamps wouldnt stand a chance

Damn that guard has some balls.

Not to sound like a copy-cat or a glory stealer, but i've had the exact same thing happen to me, although it was a guard from falkreath, and the story ended differently...
I had to Flap my way from Falkreath, all the way to the Volkihar Castle to cash in one of the Radiant Quests for Faren Sadri or whatever his name is.
Once I actually managed to get into Volkihar Castle, I went to Harkon's Room to put all my stuff I collected away, and the guard just popped up behind me!
I chose the "Haha, just try and stop me in my own home" option (No, this isn't an option, but they may as well add it in), and Vingalmo or whatever his name is came running in with CuSith.
Poor guard though...I suppose he put up a good fight killing CuSith.
But every other vampire started to attack Serana!? How that happened, I have no idea.
But yeah, that's my story.

Was the door man sleeping or something?!

Markarth guard : I need to get in so i can arrest the only person that can help the prophecy be fulfilled that you people have been working on for centuries!
Gate Guard : I see..... that shouldnt be a prblem! go right ahead!
:: Markarth guard walzes in and demands justice ::

seriously....lol.

So he isn't just a man with balls... He's a man with a silver-tongue

Silver tongue is being modest, the man might as well exhale sunlight!

...you mean Samuel L Jackson!
"I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherf***er, motherf***er!"

http://cutestuff.co/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/cute-cat-laughing.jpg

He'll need a silver tongue to go with those balls. lmao Sorry.

I got a story on the other end of the spectrum for everyone.

The final battle was nearing in the civil war questline. I sided with the stormcloaks for that character, and I was marching to meet Ulfric so he could give his final speech before we charged. And all of a sudden, here comes this guard demanding my arrest. I'm not sure where my Stormcloak buddies had gotten to, but they were no where to be seen, just me and this Solitude guard. I figured I'd go along, just so the final battle wouldn't glitch on me or something strange like that, and he took me to jail nice and easy. I served my time, got out with my stuff, and found that the final battle had all but started. The citizens were inside their homes, the Imperials were standing in the streets ready to fight, and they didn't care who in the world I was.

Killed as many as I could before going outside to signal for Ulfric and the Stormcloaks to join me. And it was all thanks to a guard thinking he was all that, arrest me will he?

They still sing songs of how the Dragonborn managed to take Solitude single handedly...

Almost like Gohan defeating Cell with a single-handed Kamehameha you mean?