I've been in a bit of a tense subject with my wife lately and I'm just really up in the air and the more I think about it, the more I don't want to have a 2nd child right now. Our first is a blessing and I love him more than anything in this world, but at the same time he is such a handful that I literally don't have the ability to split that focus from 1 from child and apply it to 2. Even more so I don't have the desire to go through all the newborn stages again of their complete dependence. My son right now is going to be 2 in the beginning of September and he is still highly dependent on us, but he is also learning his freedom and with it I have enjoyed a bit more "ahhhhhhh" time...but also with his freedom has come with it some "AHHHHHHH!!!!! (dont do that, put that down, take that out of your mouth, give that to daddy) times. I cherish all the moments I've had with him, watching him grow and starting to become his own persona. Still I do not miss the sleepless nights, the overly constant care, the countless doctors visits, the more involved feeding (so much easier now that I can place food in front of him and he eats it if he is hungry, instead of sitting for what seems like an eternity to spoon-feed 3 ounces of goop that is called "food").

We just bought a new house 2 months ago and we've had to put one big plan aside that would expand our living space by creating a den/entertainment room downstairs in the basemant by finishing off part of it. If we don't do that first, we completely lose the extra room we have now to do that (which also doubles a playroom for our son). I don't mean to be selfish, but damn it I bought this house with that in mind and I compromised with her not to buy a house with a finished basemant because it would be a lower monthly payment and overall cheaper to do. I feel like she wants to jump ahead on the plans and has gotten upset that I'm not ready to jump with her immediately because we made a prior commitment and agreement to the plan.

Ughhh, anybody else ever have go through this [censored]? Just makes me want to until my ears bleed.

Well I'm not a father, but I can still remember what it's like from a child perspective.

It's not gonna' be fun for you.

Banging your head against a wall usually is that way.

What seems to be the cool/popular thing to do is to have about 4-7 children beyond your financial abilities and then rely on the state to pay for them.

Time to get a divorce.

[Cut out crap]

And yeah. I guess I can't offer much than just telling her "Hm, maybe we should revisit this in a few months (maybe 6-8 months) and see how we feel then." Leaves things open for compromise and discussion, and removes tension for now by giving the impression that you're open to changing your mind down the road (if you are)--right now just isn't a good time.

I guess also don't really blame her 'cause I know a lot of parents want their kids to be close in age. I know a family where an oopsy baby was just born with them in their 40s; their second kid just turned 13, and the eldest is in his 20s. I always wonder if they'll have a usual sibling relationship (I'm very, very close to 5/11 of my siblings [lots of divorces and remarriages]) 'cause I've never even met my brother who's 28 or 29 years older than me, and I never really spoke to or bonded with my siblings who are 18+ years older than I am. Those are extreme cases, though. It must've been hellish for my mom to have found out she was pregnant when I was five months old but now I have an instant best friend in my younger sister; we're so freaking close. My mom probably wouldn't trade that and it might just make things harder for discussion if that's a similar goal.

Honestly I would say no, I would reason that waiting a year or two isn't that long at all. Having that much children in such a quick time, in such a short space is very hard on both of you. She might even secretly come to regret her choice. So I'm going to side with you and say just wait.

Get a dog. They're like human offspring, only better.

Yes, if this is an option I can suggest it. Allow her to do the picking with some suggestions as well to show your really "compromising" even if you also want one.

Fixed.

Pretty much what Gamgee said. If it where me I'd have a good long talk with my wife (if I had one) and let her know that I'm not ready to handle a second child specially if the first one is already a handful, a second child will only make it a nightmare.

I often wish I could give birth to puppies instead of human babies, and then they eventually become more human looking; I just don't find most kids/babies cute. But a puppy!? Awwehghghhwwwwwwwghhhsocute

Actually, I'm in almost exactly the same boat. My son turned 2 at the end of April, we just bought our first house 2 months ago and are still in the process of unpacking (sort of lost steam once we got things to the "livable" stage,) and we've been having conversations about having another child.

Myself, I kind of do want another kid. My wife and I have agreed that we're stopping at 2, however. It's not time yet, but when the time comes I'd be ready to seriously consider one of us having surgery to avoid an accidental third down the road (which most likely will mean me have a vasectomy.) This is actually something we'd discussed when we first got married (before then, even.) We were both almost 30 when we married, and we didn't want to be "old and decripit" by the time our children were grown up and out of the house. So we sort of made an agreement that one way or another we'd be "done" having children by the time we were 35.

Actually, without going into details, for a long time we were wondering we might have to consider adoption as an alternative to pregnancy, due to some complications. But as these things happen my wife got pregnant while we were taking a break from the "babymaking schedule," quite out of the blue. And while my son is absolutely the most awesome thing ever, he was and continues to be a handful. We nicknamed him The Grumpus when he was a newborn, as he was especially cholicky, never wanted to sleep or nap (still doesn't, really) and was otherwise just a very difficult baby for a couple of new parents that really didn't know what they were getting into.

So the thought of having another child is a very scary proposition. At the same time, we think it would be good for our son to have a sibling to grow up with, and we're hoping that the second time around even if an "easier" baby is not in the cards we're at least better prepared for what we're in for. Also, I think we've both kind of blocked out the worst of it, so the selective memory helps a lot as well.

I can certainly understand being worried about having another child. Really, though, my only advice is obviously just going to be to continue to talk to your wife about this. It's of course not something to be taken lightly, and I can't imagine your wife wanting to do this without both of you on board; even if that means at least waiting a bit and picking up the conversation again when you're more ready.

Kids do change your life. I vaguely remember having time that was own, and these days when I actually do have time to sit around and play videogames, for example, more often than not it's fifteen minutes in before I get tired and decide to take a nap instead. On the other hand, they're certainly worth every inconvenience; and the thing to remember is that if you've survived one, then chances are you can handle another, even if it will be difficult.

I remember when we first decided to try for our first, we worried that we weren't ready, and the best thing one of my friends told me was that you're never really ready - ready is something to get to after the kid's been born; not before.

(Now, if anyone has any advice on talking my wife out of us getting a puppy, I'm all ears - 'cause I know that's a losing battle that I'm in... )