Main quest - The World Eater
Wake up and, BIG SHOCKER, You're a prisoner, in a wagon.
"Where am i-"
Overdramatic dude "OH, IT IS YOU, THE GUY WHO TRIED TO CROSS THE BORDER, THAT THERE IS ULFRIC STORM CLOAK, THE EXPOSITIONEXPOSITIONEXPOSITION"
Melodramatic dude "Today is a good day to die!"
Overdramatic guy "THNAOIRHAFJBAF"
Wagon stops
Be greeted by "B!tch" and "Moan"
[censored]: List them off.
Moan: You go and head go chop.
Overdramatic guy: "LEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- *Thwack*
Moan: Right, so, As we were. Oh, Wait, You're not on the list...Hay. [censored].
"Dafuq did you call m-"
[censored]: What?
"Uhh.."
Moan: That guy isn't on the list, And he keeps shapeshifting
"Should i be a Breton or a Khajiit...."
Moan: Meh, Probably nothing.
"I was totally always a Khajitt and wasn't originally a nord."
Moan: right, Anyways, Go die and stuff.
"Kay."
One beheading later
"Glad that wasn't me."
B!tch: You're next.
"[censored]."
five seconds later
Alduin: Ohai Dragonborn! I need a doe-zen red roses please.
"..."
Alduin:.... *BLARGFLAMETHROWERS AND METEORS!*
One escape scene later with Moan.
Moan: The way is clear, Lets go!
"Hold on, I gotta train my combat skills."
Moan: Well i suppose *SLASH SMASH FLAME SMASH* OW GOD WH- *Smash smash smash*
*Two hours of this later*
Moan: OH GOD THE PAIN!
"Whatever." *Proceed to one shot everything until you get to whiterun*
See a giant
"Psh, I can take him."
Moments later
"Well, Atleast i know now that we apparently have two moons."
Go to Jarl-Ruff-Ruff, Get yelled at by Legolas' inbred sister.
Go to the dragon obsessed Farenger
"Soooooo, Yeah, I saw a dragon."
"Cool, Go get this rock that will never be mentioned in the story again after this."
"Kay."
Proceed to one shot everything again.
One dungeon crawl later.
"Alright, I got the word of power now, I saw the demo, I know there's a dragon preist in that coffin and he's going to totally whoop my a-"
Coffin opens, Emerging just another draugr
"Oh, Kay." *Smash*
Back to whiterun!
"I got that thing you wanted."
Jarl Woof-Woof "Hold up...Oh, Hey, Helgen guy."
"What up?"
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Sure."
"Go kill a dragon."
"Wait wha-"
"K THANKS BAI." *slams whiterun door in face*
"Well."
Head to tower, wait for dragon.
...Wait 12 hours.
Approach tower
Ackbar's great ancestor emerges from the tower "ITS A TRAP!"
The dragon appears, The most fearsome creature in all of tamriel, They were capable of destroying entire armies, THEY
...Get gang banged by a dark elf, a naked khajiit, and two guards with arrows.
*Begin absorbing soul*
Everyone but you: Could it be true, are you really dragonborn?
"IT BURNS!"
One of the guards: ExpositionexpositionexpositionDovahkhiinexposition
Right, So, Guess i'll head back to white ru-
*Get yelled at by mountain* DOVAHKHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!
"Dafuq did you call me?"
Ruff-Ruff: You should go talk to the Greybeards
Derp moment: "WHY ARE THEY CALLED THE GREY BEARDS?"
One trek later
"Almost there!"
See troll
"FUUUUUUUUU"
Troll gets owned by town
"HOW THE HELL CAN YOU KILL IT WITH A DAGGER AND I CAN'T WITH A WARHAMMER?!"
I'm higher level.
"WHAT....Whatever, Just tell me how to go to the Mountain place."
Just take the stairway to hea-
"What should i expect to fight?"
Nothing beyond the occasional wolf pack.
*Moments later*
Ice troll: Lol i is 15 levels above you and every non-fire thing you hit me with regenerates.
"D:"
I'LL SMASH YOU!
*reload*
I'LL FLAME YOU! *Run out of magic since you aren't a mage, Die.*
*Reload*
I'LL HIT YOU WITH A FLAMING SMASH...ER.
*Out of charge, Reload*
I'LL CHANGE THE DIFFICULTY!
*Kill it with one claymore swing, When nobody is looking put it back on master*
Go to Greybeard temple
Arganerara:... Who's the noob?
"Dragonborn, You summoned me."
Arganera: Oh god not you....You know what, Bori. Just teach him the shouts so he gets out.
*One anticlimatic training session later.*
Well, Atleast i have a sprinting shout.
Arganera: "Go get the horn of Jurgan Windcaller
Who the helll names a kid Jurge-
Agreneapderp: Just shut up and do it.
*One dungeon crawl later.*
Wheres the horn...Hey. A note!
Pick up note and read it
"IOU one horn of dead man with funny name. Love... annoying b!tch."
Go to argeneir
Hey, Uh. Yeah. WHAT THE F!CK KIND OF GAME ARE YOU PLAYING MATE?
"Uhhhh....."
Realise for some reason there is no option to tell the Greybeards about this little incident
...BYE.
"Our hero, Ladies and gentlemen."
Go to riverwood inn "One attic please"
"By the way im a blade, did you know that the thalmorthalmorthalmorthalmoralduin'sdikethalmorthalmorthalmor"
That's nice
"You need to prove to me you are dragonborn"
Uh, No, I really don't.
"You have to or the questline won't progress for some stupid reason."
In that case....FUS ROH F!CKING DAH!
*Launch her through several walls, She emerges from the wall*
"Thats cool, but you still have to prove you're dragonborn."
...What.
*One Trek later*
See Alduin talking to his buddy
"Oh hai Salilamamakor"
"Oh hai Aldoooiiiiin."
"You are bone"
"You are dragon."
"Ohkay bai, Oh hai dragonborn."
Ohai "Saliamamakor" *Smash*
Alduin: You're just a cheep cheepcheep cheeeAAAeeeAAAp.
...*Facepalm*
((End of Part 1 of 2))
» Sun Nov 18, 2012 5:01 pm 
