Sounds like the MentalHealth.gov link at the bottom of the forums could do you some good. Also, high school isn't the be all and end all of life (I'm assuming that is what the exams are for).

Yes. Welcome to the madhouse! I would definitely recommend therapy. I have/had similar problems, and therapy helps me a lot. I'm not even close to "normal" because of it, but it helps to have a non-judgemental person to talk to, that can understand what you are going through, and how you think. If you can find a good therapist, and are honest and open about what's going on, they can help you out a lot. There's nothing wrong with having a problem.

This + 1000. I've had friends and relatives in your situation, and much as they couldn't believe it would help, it did. Go talk to a therapist. That is not something you can do on your own, nor with only the help of friends and relatives.

Ive suffered with depression for way way to long, for starters stop drinking it doesnt help it just covers the symptoms and in alot of cases can make it worse, the advice in seeing someone is good advice, if you can get it early you have a better chance, the longer depression goes the more it reinforces its self, but recognising that you are depressed is good its easy just to get swallowed by it and do nothing, but get some counselling, also finding something you like to do that occupys your mind helps as well.

Have you tried working out or taking jogs in the nature? It's proven that it helps people who are depressed, or anyone in general actually.

Can any one person say with complete and utter certainty that they are completely mentally stable? Well, I guess they could, but they'd still be wrong.

We're all insane, bud. It's pretty much a requirement to join these forums. What you are experiencing is just delving into the dark side. Can you try your best to explain what this invisible enemy is? Society, or God or whatever influences this universe?

Now, this will be hard, but try to stop thinking. You fear and despise the brutality of life, I imagine, and it's a bit too much to endure. You wonder where you'll be in life and it's slowly breaking you to realize that you will probably be jobless and poor.

Stop. Take three deep breaths and cease such thoughts. Think about where you are now. High school/university? Focus on your studies; school is one of the best distractions for such fear and anger, such sadness and hate. You can try to resolve this by yourself, but you may have to take the counselling to get you out of this slump.

Now that your mind is in the present, try thinking about what you could do to try to fix the problem. Booze is pretty depressing to drink and spend much-needed money on, IMO, so try to quit drinking. You don't have to completely cease all consumption of alcohol immediately, but try to limit the amount you drink, and decrease the limit every day (i.e. 15 units of alcohol a week, then try bringing that down to 12, or 10). Eventually your mind will be cleared and you can think of a solution to your problem.

How are things with your family? Do you feel betrayed by them, thinking that if you came to them with your problems, that they would reject you and never speak to you again? Well, you could try that, but it seems that a more peaceful way to get into their good graces is by paying them back. Now that alcohol is more out of the picture, you should have more money (assuming you currently have a job). Who knows what good that will do, but it could make you feel a little better that you're trying to fix all these problems.

Other than that, what everyone else said. Therapy is amazing, but if you feel you can't do it, find the less judgmental friend in your circle and lay down your soul to him/her. Perhaps they can give some good advice, and if not, at least you feel a little better by expressing yourself.

Sorry if those questions are too personal. Feel free to ignore them if you like.

My oldest brother used to struggle with depression and the best advice is truly to talk to someone who can help. Whatever you end up doing though just try to avoid doing nothing or using booze or drugs specifically to tone down your feelings. This is something that is hard to deal with but has to be dealt with up front. Not through avoidance.

I had four years of therapy after coming home in '08.

I was in a very bad place, made more so because I had a beautiful boy who thinks I'm super-dad, and I wasn't sure my condition wouldn't screw him up at some point.

I would stare down the barrel of my sidearm every night after logging off of this very forum, and then put it away.

I'm in a better place now, with a loving wife, and a rapidly growing son who -still- thinks I'm super-dad..

..although being eight now, he also calls me butthead regularly.. yeah, whatcha gonna do?

All I can say is that everything always changes, it's the only constant this effing universe knows or cares about and it's all we can use to move through the crappy darkness, and into the sunlight of better times.

I hope you can take any of this -as well as what the others have said, and somehow find a bolthole (mentally) to whether it out.

Take care dude, because everyone's worth that care that they take from life.

My family I feel I couldn't talk to as I don't feel very close to them and have come to despise them.

Thank you to all those who have commented. Your words have convinced me to give a letter, in person, to the teacher that asked me if I wanted counselling. This is in order to present exactly what I'm going through, sparing no detail other than a few names.

I've also decided to present this to the girl, as I feel I need to explain considering I may have scared her.

Perhaps I should try to sleep now.