A tester story....

Post » Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:16 pm

Hi all, just a really short story with a 1st person point of view, wondering if it works or is just plain awful...let me know as I am not scared of critisim, quite the opposite. Any grammatical fo pahs will be met with glee, as I know my keyboard is dyslexic and you will be best advised to note that before commenting in that respect. Its the story, does it work? do you feel like you are hearing the story directly? If there is any ideas you have to help with that pleasde do post a point of view. And thanks for reading!

The Incredible story of U`tsein

Oh I see, you just saw me sitting here by myself and thought you would offer me a drink, is that it? Well go ahead, I`ll take an ale if you please, hurry back now. Why thank you good sir, and who might you be? I see, and I am guessing it was my unusual armour that caught your eye? Or perhaps the sword at my side? Tis it my bossom that you relish? My eyes are up here fool....no, do not apologise for I am used to your ways by now. I tell you what stranger, for your indescretion You must forfeit a little time, hows that sound? Let me tell you of my story, I assure you nothing you have heard before will be alike. Come come sip on your sup and hear a strangers tale.

Heh, would you believe I am not of here? No no, I mean, I am not of here, your lands, your world. Yes, something like a daedra gate, but my world is not of demons as like those, no, far more and much different my world is. As you see plainly I am elf, and by my marking you would guess of the raven elves, but the ravens I can only guess are a distant cousin, no, I am U`tsein of the Gailih`aan, we`re....a fairer folk. Pleased to meet you, and how is it you sit in this lonely Tavern? Ah, you trade, of course, a salesmen of fine silks, how nice. Me? I am one of an army, at war with the teeth and the, how do you name them? S-pe-rrigaan? Spriggan, yes. Those we fight? The teeth? ah they are devourers of blood. Vampire? Vampire, yes I think we speak of the same, but yes, I, we are at war with them, have been since I was a child. I told you fellow traveller, I am not of here. How am I here? oh, yes haha, that is a tale in itself. My raiders and I were Holgg riding to Vi` tinar and we came across a band of what you call spriggans, ours are larger, and the beholden to the teeth, I mean as you say, the vampire. They fell upon us fastly and did us for dead, heh, Jo` hanis fought well for a sibbler but he couldnt take on the three that took on to him, that was the last I could remember as I was clobbed from behind and awoke much later. Twas moon shine when I woke and my head pounded like a gooma had bashed my skull in, but then, and heres where I have trouble, I looks around and find myself climbing out of a bush, a bush the like I had never seen before, strange foilage and the ground, the ground was green the like I had never seen. What? No, the g-rass, the grass is blue in my home, fields of rapien blue. I looks for me brethren but not there I see, I finds my sword, heh, you likes? We of the Gailih` aan are fine warriors, the males tend to the fields and we, we hunt when war is not upon us, yes, my bow was at my side too when I came into your world. Surely, another ale silk seller, tis my round afterall.

So...what? Oh, the armour? tis of a stone we find in our parts, I think you call it squalstone or somesuch but we have another name, we call it Du`lee. It cannot be cut directly,see, but it can be shattered. The teeth know this well. You have these Murl here too, I would vanquish them all for the finding of them. You have never seen one? My, your world is not as ours, vam-pire are bountiful in my lands, they run in great hordes, and ravage cities if the gaurdsmen do not hold the walls. You have much sun in the air, we have mostly moon, tis not the same for us, you and I. As a child we played in the moons learning to dodge and weave like cats and playing hunters, with our little bows. Much of our lives is led by our need to survive, to hunt, to kill. Peace is not something I have seen before, your people wear it well. Well, thats how I came to be here, I awoke in a bush not of my world and now I am skunk drunk from my ale and in need of that bed I called my own..KEEP! where in HAi is my room!? I will sleep a sleep more soundly for that ale....ha, good moon to you fair trader of silk whatever that be.


[ok, you, the reader, the listener, you are in the RP too. I imagine you to be male and either Khajit or Dumner in race. You are attracted to the female, alone inthe tavern you have chosen to seek safety from the Oblivion Gates of that nameless Daedric Lord....You are a silk trader of sorts, your wagon may be full of skooma or you could be an arms dealer come to sell to the city guard....times of war, needs must? Of course you have the finest silks aswell of course. :lol: The scented lady, who smells like fine honey, wears the most strangest of armours, its dark yet, something smells right. |The power of this is overwhelming, you just have to ask from where is is come? And so she responds, and for a second, you have a rapour. It is a little one sided and the young lady seems a little agitated, perhaps nervous or shy. Thats how this story begins.]
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{Richies Mommy}
 
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Post » Mon Sep 07, 2009 7:59 pm

hmm, a strange way of introducing things, but alright. you seem to have gotten the first person down, but where you assume the other person answers something, it becomes monologue. seeing how this is an rp, no, then it would work, i suppose, please un-bold the writing though. an interesting concept, but i hope you have a method of getting this lady here in mind, or else things might go a little screwy. im not sure if im interested yet or not, i just thought it at least deserved a bump^^. it's been a while, let me know if you still remember the story^^

edit: uh oh, seems he hasnt been here for awhile. oh well, if he decides to look back, he'll tell us^^
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lucile
 
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Post » Mon Sep 07, 2009 8:56 pm

What's with the bold?
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maria Dwyer
 
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