Yes I know, another relationship thread, and just like many others, I told myself I wouldn't make one. Here goes.

Its pretty simple, I can't be sad around my girlfriend. I am there for her when she needs me, but when I need her she throws up a wall and takes on a generally irritated demeanor. Its hard for me to blame her, too, because she herself is sad on the inside. She has learned to control what she thinks (so I'm told anyway not that I have any reason not to believe her) and not let herself get sad most of the time, so I think when I get sad it brings out her own. In fact I KNOW this to be true because we've talked about it.

Now, I love my girlfriend and she loves me, but this just seems like it could be a serious issue in the future. It hurts me a lot when she makes me feel like I'm the bad guy just for being sad. Also, for anyone who's wondering, I'm not burdening her down with my issues or anything. I'm not constantly going to her with issues seeking comfort.

Does anyone have experience with this? Should I even be making a big deal out of this?

This is a problem.
It means you two are afraid to show your emotions around each other.

Not at all. We are very honest and open with each other. Its just when I get sad I'm pretty much on my own.

Yes it is kind of but not really simple. She likely has issues and is selfishly only thinking of herself in situations where she shouldn't be. If you are genuinely feeling sad for a legitimate reason and she acts irritated it is not okay. She probably views you as her pillar of strength and when you are not strong she gets irritated because in some childish way she needs you to be strong for her and she does not know how to deal with it herself.

I could be way off though. Let me ask a couple things.
Is she very insecure?
Is she very clingy?
Does she have moments of somewhat crazy behavior? Like saying she wants to break up because of something tiny like you both having a small argument about something irrelevant to your relationship?

*Gets pen and paper.*

You might not want to go into detail. However let me reiteratethe main point. If you have good reason to be sad and she still does not give you some sympathy and just acts irritated then it is wrong. So long as you are not sad for little [censored] reasons...then it may be understandable. Some girls want their guys ti at least act tough. There is no one size fits all type of deal though. Take of this post what you will. Im just flying off on a tangent here. Sine-ing off....

If you can't be openly sad with her then you're not being open.

Drop 3DPD, get a waifu.

Oh, and this.

?!

Everything you said in the first paragraph is true. That is really the issue behind it, she doesn't know how to deal with her sadness so she avoids it, really. But thats just sad, you know? I love my girlfriend. She had a bad childhood for sure, and when she throws up this wall when I'm sad I dont think its because shes being selfish, but rather like we both said she just can't handle it.

As for the rest, yes I would rather not go into detail but I will grant you that she is that 'type' of girl, but that doesn't really bother me. She is definitely the 'crazy' type but she is not crazy. Furthermore I understand why she is the way she is, and pretty much all the time we are golden, its just its a real problem for me when she gets all irritable and stuff when I'm sad. When I feel, I really feel, so its important to me that she is there for me when I need her. Lord knows I am for her. I just don't want this to bite me in the ass later down the road.

We are however open with each other. This the only area that I can't be open with her. Otherwise i would say its actually a really healthy relationship.

8 replies and no JAHO yet? Dissapointing BGSF.

honestly, unless you're fine with never being sad around her, then being there for each other when the other is sad needs to become a two way street or become a dead end in both directions


in laymen terms, it means stop dating real people and just indulge in fantasy

JAHO bro!

Wait...

But if you're not open with her about being sad (Which is one of the greatest and most dangerous emotions to be kept tucked away) then it's just no good!
It's not healthy at all!
Unless you have someone else to support you when you're sad you'll become a wreck!

Yeah, well you can attribute the accuracy to my long list of girlfriends that were very short relationships...my longest is 2 years and is my current one. My girl is quite similar to your girl based on what little I know so far.

Though I tend to not get sad really easily or for long, she is not that great at being there for me when I am down though she tries now. She is also not as bad about the sad thing anymore. She improved with time. If you really love your girl, time may mend the issues. However I am only at the 2 year mark. I am also probably one of the least qualified people to give relationship advice based on all my own failures. I sure am great at starting relationships though lol. Not that I really ever tried come to think of it...

My girl has also led a much harder early life than I did. I mean much harder. Those kinds of girls just need lots of love and time. They will also be the most loyal girlfriend you'll ever have because they will recognize and appreciate what you have gone through for them. Well theoretically...there are always exceptions. My advice is to svck it up for now and see if it is still a problem in a year. If you have been together a long time already then you need to actively try to help her get passed her past or you may need to lay down an ultimatum. Which I'll add will not go well at first and likely after as well.

Exactly. Thats what I mean when I say I don't want this to bite me in the ass later down the road. We have been open with each other thus far, but I don't know if I can keep going to her when I need her hoping for some sympathy.

Which leads me back to my first post.
You're not being completely open.
That's not good.
It needs to change.

Well, that gives me hope about the situation at least. I'm not too worried about it at this point as it hasn't really affected our relationship (yet), and perhaps you are right in that she needs more time. I have been very patient and understanding thus far and I guess she just needs more. And you are right about the appreciation part. I'm proud (and extremely glad) to say my girl knows what I put up with and thats a big reason why its a strong relationship.

I agree. However the timeframe in which that needs to occur differs from individual to individual. If you are already emotionally invested in someone it sometimes pays off to just go the distance. That requires a lot of effort and if you are not willing to put that kind of effort in(it is a lot) then do both of yourselves a favor and quit the relationship.

But your first post is just wrong, no offense. Up to this point, meaning this post I have been completely open with her, and she has been with me, and I doubt I would be able to keep my mouth shut when i'm sad even if I wanted to. EDIT: meaning I would continue to be open with her and I guess just deal with the [censored]ery until we work something out.

How is it wrong?
You're afraid to show her your sadness.
You're closing a part of you off from her.
Even if it is "Up to this point" You're still closing yourself off from her.
EDIT: Ah, I see. but your OP didn't imply that you would.

If you mean my OP didnt imply that I would shy away from her on this issue then you are correct. The OP just states the problem.

EDIT: When I say I can't be sad around my girlfriend, I mean I'm not allowed to be, though that doesn't stop me from being so.

Yes and my post was directed twards the OP.
Anyway this is getting off topic.
So, girlfriend problems, yes?

Has it come to the point that any little thing will set her off and you are afraid to start a fight? Just tell her it is an issue and that you feel she needs to work on being more understanding. Also say you do not expect immediate results.

Real men don't get sad, they get angry.

Bingo.

If you guys can't do this, then the relationship shouldn't go further. I know that there can be middle ground where you guys only come to each other with more serious things at first, then build up to a point where you can share everything with each other. But if she is not willing to help you get happier then it is a lost cause my friend...

My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We have always been able to come to each other with any problem and that is how our relationship has lasted this long. Communication is key.

Edit- and after reading this thread in full detail, it sounds like you have a problem but you aren't willing to admit it. I am not tryig to get you mad or anything, but not being able to come to your partner when you are sad WILL NOT make your relationship last. Sadness will happen. It is obviously (to your knowledge and experience as I see) inevitable and will lead to a horrible breakup in the future if something is not done about it. It svcks I know, but if you really care about her and she really cares about you, then you guys will be able to work it out. If this continues, then something is up and you need to talk to her about it.