» Thu Jan 17, 2013 11:35 pm You may be asking yourself, “Why are you making this thread?”
Well, the intentions of this thread are more of an advice thing I guess. Not for me, but for you all. I browse these forums often and although I may be newly registered, I’ve seen my fair share of “please help me talk to this girl” threads. I hope this can possibly serve someone as they try and understand the point of committed relationships, and while every relationship is different, they all revolve around the same principles. And if you are ANYTHING like I was, you need help, bad. Because believe it or not, it’s not second nature to most people to be a servant to someone else. That takes practice, patience, and mistakes.
I’d first like to start out by outlining some key things I personally have found VITAL to having a good relationship with someone.
Trust
Encouragement
Support
Love
I want to start off by explaining WHY these things are important. Let’s start with trust.
Trust
Trust is a vital part any relationship. Before me and my fiancé and soon to be wife met, I was burned. Bad. I was with someone for 4 years of my life, and dedicated my life to them. I could say I “loved” her, but what I meant was I was comfortable with having someone, and I was comfortable with her. But that isn’t love. Why? Because I didn’t trust her. Why didn’t I trust her? Because she didn’t give me reasons to.
During that period of my life, the relationship was based off of “I want”. It was all about me, and it was all about her. She wanted what she wanted, and I wanted what I wanted. Let me tell you, friends, that does not work. I couldn’t trust her to not talk to other men. I couldn’t trust her to take care of my needs. It’s a mutual puzzle that MUST be complimentary or it simply will not work. If you can’t trust them, you can’t have peace. If you don’t have peace, you will always be driven by paranoia and anxiety. That is a place you CANNOT be in. It’s horrendous.
Since I got with my fiancé, those things went away. I trust her to take care of me, because she goes out of her way to take care of me. I trust her to not talk to other men because she is totally dedicated to me, and me alone. That is trust. That is security. If you can’t have that, you can’t be happy. That’s all there is to it.
Encouragement
Being with another human being and coexisting with them means you (and they) are going to experience your failures alongside of you, and most importantly of all, WITH you. Their failure is YOUR failure. Their happiness, your happiness. If you aren’t on board with that, you are forcing your partner to walk down a road alone, and sometimes that road is difficult. When I fail, or something doesn’t work out, the first person I turn to is her. Why? Because she encourages me to do better, to try harder, and that it’s going to be ok. I have security in her because she is there for me. If I didn’t have that, what sort of a relationship would I be in? Marriage is about unity. Two become one. I dedicated my life to her, hers to me. Mutual encouragement means when I fall, she picks me up. When she falls, I pick her up. I love her, and I choose to be there for her. It’s a CHOICE.
Support
Support. Oh, what a wonderful thing. See, we are all different. She enjoys this, that, and the other, and I enjoy the opposite sometimes. But you know what? I support that. I support her desires, I support her needs. She loves couponing, and she loves helping others. I love video games, and collecting cards. I also love helping others, but not as much as her.
Anyway, there is a mutual support going both ways. I support her passions and hobbies by giving her the space she needs to do what she wants. After a long day of work, I don’t require her to shower me with attention. Why? Because she’s had a long day at work and wants to relax. She relaxes by looking up coupons. So I give her that time. She supports my hobbies of video games and card collecting. She goes out and buys me games and gifts, she’s so sweet. She may think it’s silly, and she does, but you know what? She SUPPORTS me in what is important to me. Because again, relationships are about unity, they aren't about YOU.Don’t worry, I’m almost done. There are just a few more extremely important parts of a relationship I’d like to share with you.
Love
Love. It’s what we see in movies, an overwhelming rush of emotions in your personal parts and brain, where you make horrendous decisions based on a whim.
Oh, please. Don’t make me vomit. Let’s get one thing straight: Love is not an emotion. I repeat: LOVE IS NOT AN EMOTION. Love is a CHOICE. Love says “You are important to me, I will put my needs aside.” It says “Even though I am in need, I will put your needs above mine.” That is a conscious choice and decision you MUST MAKE in order to show compassion on your spouse. If it’s all about you, guess what? You’re not exhibiting love.
Love does not hold grudges.
Love does not take account for the past.
Love puts YOU beneath THEM.
Love says “How can I serve you”, not “How can you serve ME?”
Love is a choice. And that is the entire point I’d like to make today folks. When you love someone, you choose them not only above all other options of a mate, but you choose them over yourself as well.
God bless.
