» Fri Jun 29, 2012 9:10 am Allow me to explain.
It was a normal day for Caius Merlyn Britainicus. Heading out of Whiterun, he wandered west seeking adventure and perhaps some skooma. Little did he know, that the end of the world was upon him.
You see, Caius had just finished installing some new mods using his favorite mod management tools (NMM, Boss, Wrye) and was excited to experience them in all their glory. After saving the Whiterun guard tower from a dragon attack, and subsequently learning that he was a Dragonborn, he figured "hey, I don't have to look at "readme" files. I'll just play around and see what happens."
After all, he's the Dragonborn. Dragonborn don't need "readmes".
That's when Caius noticed the Deadly Dragon Configuration machine in Dragonsreach Keep.
"Hmm, let's press all these buttons and see what happens." Thought Caius, as he recklessly clicked on the "+6" buttons, and increased the dragon spawn rate.
And so, full of excitement and hubris, Caius ventured west out of Whiterun.
It was then that the skies darkened.
The first dragon appeared behind him. Without a sound. Only the glimpse of a shadow betrayed the presence of death looming closer. But by then it was too late.
As the flames engulfed Caius, he screamed in a high-pitched, girlish manner, and frantically hit the hotkey for what he hoped was his healing spell. Turning around and spamming heal, Caius sprinted for cover and desperately looked for refuge.
The open field offered little solace.
As the ice storm shout from the second dragon blinded his eyes, he could barely make out the "Entering War Zone" alert, as it flashed in front of him.
Suddenly, a wave of bandits appeared from behind a depression in the field and were met by an even larger band of Imperial Legionaries who were already engaging some sort of vile monstrosity, the likes of which Caius had never seen. The clash of steel on steel, the shouts of the combatants, and the screams of the dying could barely be heard over the apocalyptic roar of the dragons, as they rained down fiery and icy death about the chaos.
In a frantic dash to Whiterun, a cowardly difficulty switch to apprentice, and a desperate attempt at restoring Deadly Dragon's to the default settings, Caius tried to contain what he had unwittingly unleashed.
When the dust settled, Whiterun had been almost completely destroyed, there were dragon corpses littering the town and the surrounding area, and an untold number of bandits, Legionaries, Guards, and townsfolk had been smote down in rage and destruction.
Looking across the carnage at the distant, burning horizon, several small, dark specks were moving towards him. The winged monstrosities bellowed a defiant roar as they approached what remained of a once beautiful and proud place.
Caius Merlyn Britanicus gripped his sword and shouted as he awaited his coming fate.
Maybe next time, he would read the "readme".
