After finding out that my grandma has dementia a few weeks ago, we moved her into full time care, and took the time to have my grandad's diabetes checked up, because it had recently been getting hard to manage, and he was getting too exhausted to take care of my grandma, which he's done since she became blind in her 50's (they're now both 81). They've been married 55 years.

After getting a CAT scan it was discovered that he has pancreatic cancer, which has already spread to his liver, kidneys and intestines. Its so advanced that he was discharged on the same day he was diagnosed and will be receiving no treatments other than a diet to keep his energy up. The doctors estimate he has around three months to live.

My grandad is a really quintessential British New Zealander, he worked for most of his life reviewing British sports cars (he plans to buy another one before he dies), before starting a business with my dad shortly before retiring. I don't even know what to feel, he's had such a great life, and such a great family that I feel more proud than sad, I feel like if I'm even a fraction as good of a man as he is then I would be happy.

I don't know... This is the first time I've really felt anything since hearing the news, and I just needed to get it out, thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this.

@Solid_moose

That's pretty sad news. My heart goes out to you and your family at this time. He sounds like a great guy. He should take a great long ride in a vintage 3 wheeled Morgan or something like that, with the wind in his face.

Best to you, you will be sad when he leaves. I miss my step dad still to this day. He lived to be 84. He broke his hip and it was downhill from there.

Im so sorry to hear about that, bro. I remember when I lost my maternal grandfather. I always thought what it would be like to live his life, all the way back in the day up until now. I can relate to your feelings; and incase you need someone to talk to, you're more than welcome to PM me.

Damn, I'm sorry to hear this, Solid Moose.

My Mom is recovering from pancreatic cancer treatment, but thankfully it was caught early enough (stage 1a), so a full recovery is expected.

My uncle died of a cancerous brain tumor last night so I know what your going through. Its hard but you'll get through it.

Sorry to hear mate.



My condolences to you and your family.

I'm so sorry to hear that. My condolences.

You have my sympathies, I know what you are going through. I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's disease when I was a child. My father, I lost to cancer 8 years ago. The best thing I can say is to cherish the time you have left. Their pain will be over, but you and you families' will just be beginning.

It will take time for the family to heal from this and emotions will likely be running pretty high for a while. You will be needing your family as much as they need you.

Condolences to all.

Dude, so sorry to hear that. Condolences to you and your family from a fellow New Zealander. My Grandfather suffers from dementia, and it's difficult to watch him this low when only a few years ago he was so healthy. It sounds as if your Grandfather lived a diginified and great life, as has my Grandfather, and you're right, it does seem to help.

My mom died two years ago. She started complaining of a ache in her left shoulder around Christmas of '07, was diagnosed with lung cancer in February, and was gone by June. My sister took care of her right up until the end. We were put in contact with a hospice care service. They helped mom a lot, but they also spent a lot of time talking to us about what was going on, and what to expect. They made the experience as calm as could possibly be. It's something you might want to look in to.

My whole family is really close. I saw mom almost every day. Even when I was driving long haul, I'd call her several times a week around supper time.
I can relate to what you're going through. It's hard, but you'll make it. I still miss her. You'll never get over losing someone close to you, you just learn to deal with it.

Cancer svcks. And that didn't take as much to say as I'd expected.

Don't try to force feelings on yourself. Things end, people die. If you are truly sad that he is dying then be sad. If you do appreciate what his life has meant then reflect on that.
But, he's not dead yet, so don't get caught up in what you should feel more than something else. The worst that can happen is that you get absorbed in the shock and forget to appreciate what life you both have left together.

good luck through everything up ahead

I'm so sorry to hear this honey. :hugs:

The only advice I can give is to spend as much time with him now as possible. There's nothing worse than the feeling of 'I wonder if they knew how much I cared about them....'

:nope:

Cancer is horrible. Just make his last days the best he's ever had

Be sad for the sake of losing him, but be happy with how his life has been. Like you said, he's had a great life..he's lived all the way to 81..and was married for 55 years. If I had to end my page in life like that, I'd be all right with it. If I was you, that's how I'd be thinking about it. Also, what an awesome job he had!

Bud, if you need to talk you just let me know. My Grandfather has Alzheimers and he's looking so rough I'm estimating 6 months left (he used to get up every morning at 4 AM to feed the chickens, the cows, the goats, etc. and do his chores (which he loved to do) and make some of the world's best fudge), now he can't get out of his wheel chair and he's practically a skeleton with some skin draqed on it.

It's pretty sad to see someone go, but my friend if it helps, they'll live on in our hearts. Try to remember the good times you guys had together. I know that sounds generic, but I do mean it...

My condolences, we've lost family members to cancer. Enjoy the time you have left with your grandpa.

I'm sorry to hear that, mano. Stay strong.

I'm going through the same thing right now with my father-in-law. He has stayed with us for the last 6 months because of prostate cancer. Last week we had to rush him to emergency because he was very dehydrated and not eating. We found out the cancer has spread EVERYWHERE and that there is nothing they can do for him. He has been set up in the Palliative Ward at the hospital where they have made him comfortable for his way out. It really saddens me to see such a great man decline so quickly. I'm really going to miss him when he's gone.

My condolences for you and your family I've lost a grandfathers, a grandmother, two aunts and an uncle to cancer in the last 20 years. (Note, I am 20)

My dad is currently undergoing radiation therapy for prostrate cancer, which he found out he had last September. Fortunately, in my dad's case, the doctors are very hopeful - his PSA score is dropping, so we are optimistic.

Sad news and sorry to read that. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family in this hard time.

Sorry to hear that. My grandpa just had open heart surgery about a month ago, and it looks like he won't be coming home. He isn't gaining any strength back. So he is in an assisted living facility. The worst part is, he was such an independent guy for so many years, that this is very hard for him. My prayers are with you and your family.

So sorry to hear this mate Nothing anyone says can make it better, but my condolences are with you alongside everyone elses...

My Grandad died of bone marrow cancer a few years ago, and in all honesty, there's no pain like it (for us I mean, not them...)

Whether you believe in God or not, it doesn't matter...I pray for both of them that, whatever happens, it's swift and peaceful

I was never around to meet either of my granddads, but I can only imagine how sad it must be.

Come to think of it, I have never been around to witness any of my loved ones die. All my family member whom I know closely are still hanging in there.

I am so sorry to hear of this bad news. Pancreatic cancer is usually not treatable and moves fast. That means he won't suffer long but it also means you have a very limited amount of time to spend with him. Make the moments count. Spend as much time as you can muster up with him, let him know he is loved and that you and the family will be ok when he passes. Have him tell stories of his past and keep a journal of them (when he feels up to it). Doing so will keep his mind off his illness and any pain he might have and will serve as great memories for you for many years to come.

My thoughts are with you and your family in what is most diffidently a very difficult time.

In times like this its hard to know how to console someone. Just that my prayers are with you and your family, and that all of us on these forums are here for you.

Thanks for the advice and kind words guys, life just svcks sometimes. At least he's out of the hospital now.