I think what you're misunderstanding is that the frustration you're feeling is all part of playing hardcoe. It's not supposed to be easy. And keep in mind that things like this will become easier once you've spent some points on the skill associated with them. That's because it's a reward for investing in skills. It it wasn't hard in the first place there'd be no reason to invest in the skills.
To me, what you describe sounds like it's working exactly the way it should. When I play F3 I impose my own hardcoe mode where when I get crippled limbs I force myself to endure them until I gimp back to town to be healed by a doctor.
This is of course no help to you whatsoever. But perhaps hardcoe mode isn't for you.
I couldn't agree more with you, I play on hardcoe and for the first time ever in the fallout series, I had to run away from a creature. The Heavily armored radscorpions. I was mauling it and was getting fustrated, I jumped to the forums and you made me relize that instead of getting fustrated and engaging until death, I simply ran away to safety. Maybe I can come back when my skills have been adjusted.