This is the real plot of Skyrim that was recently leaked to a Bolivian toddler by Besthesda, who contacted me as he was actually one of my spies, planning Thespian sabotage on Besthesda Game Studios. This is the real plot of Skyrim, that was cut out of the retail game and replaced, as it was considered too unnerving and strange by test audiences. Besthesda says they might release it as an alternate questline, according to my 3-year old South American friend. Prepare for the truth, nerdy forum-goers. Prepare for the ugly, scorpion-filled truth.

Besthesda says in the original plot, the prophecy went that instead of being killed by the Dragonborn, Alduin would fall in love with the Dragonborn and be killed by his own child. Just like in the current Skyrim plot that you know, Alduin attempts to defy the prophecy by only practicing safe six. But despite his efforts to stop it, Alduin falls in love with a humanoid, not knowing it's the Dragonborn at the time. When the Dragonborn and Alduin are making love, Dragonborn's condem breaks. Alduin gets pregnant and the Dragonborn never calls back. The Imperials find out that he had six with a dragon, and that is the most disgusting thing I have ever typed in the history of the universe. They accuse the Dragonborn of witchcraft, and give him the death sentence.

Alduin, angry that the Dragonborn knocked him up, attempts to track down the Dragonborn and get revenge. Alduin attacks the city of Helgen and accidentally saves him in the process. As the Dragonborn continues his adventures, Alduin resurrects his army of dragons to help kill him. But when the Dragonborn kills a dragon and absorbs its soul, Alduin realizes he is pregnant with not any old fetus, but with the Dragonborn's child. [censored] gets real.

Alduin attempts to kill the Dragonborn but fails as his dragon army crumbles around him. Before the final battle, the Dragonborn finds out something that is a major plot twist in the game. The ancient prophecy was mistranslated and said the Dragonborn would die by his child, rather than the Dragon King dying by HIS child. As Alduin descends to fight you in the boss battle, he goes into labor and is immobilized. His/your child, a GIANT ENEMY MUDCRAB, erupts from Alduin's belly like that Chestburster from the movie Alien. As the epic final battle ensues, you, Dovahkiin, must fight to defy the prophecy that speaks of your demise. So that's the real plot of Skyrim. Either that, or it's the plot of that new romantic comedy movie I watched the trailer. I can't exactly remember.

It's all a conspiracy, folks.

I would love to see this in the DLC.

On an unrelated note, I know cats can be bats can be rats can be hats can be gnats can be thats can be thises. And that doors can be boars can be snores can be floors can be roars can be spores can be yours can be mine

Great thread so far. Rated 8.5/10

quiet amusing.

This is like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sv1VWb6nLK0 of dragonborn.

I love you.

That writing was a bit creative; it might be better served in fanfic or community, or something.

Taken from the book on the Wabbajack found in-game, and I thought it was suitable to the ridiculousness of the first post. Perhaps if you were better versed in the literature and various facets of the game, you'd have known that.

Personal attacks aren't appreciated and I will get a mod. Just because you're pissed about me redirecting people to the correct forum doesn't give you rights for personal attacks, and you will lose this battle, because I don't have the ability to leave my computer with a nurse aide.

I will take the ring to Mordor!

Holy [censored]
I would rep you guys if I could!

No, it isn't, don't lie