but my uncle was shipped out to Afghanistan 5 years ago and only recently has it really hit me and ive cried myself to sleep everday for the past week
is this normal? like maybe my minds been denying it

Sadness and grief play out differently for everyone - some people grieve immediately, while others do not grieve for years after the fact (note that I use grieve here as a complement to sadness instead of its more direct meaning of loss). Obviously you care a great deal for your uncle and the weight of his situation has only now been brought to the forefront of your thoughts. When my grandfather died several years ago it took me a year or two to really begin to grieve for his passing - I was certainly sad that he had passed away, but it didn't really "hit me" until a good while afterwards. Also, not all people grieve, according to some psychological research (particularly the research by George Bonanno).

What you are experiencing - and the time-frame in which you are experiencing it - are perfectly normal.

No, it is not normal.

Are they even fighting over there anymore?

he's still there aint he

I figured they were all just sitting around playing Halo over there at this point.

It is quite normal, both from the standpoint of the OP's situation / emotional process and the fact that his uncle is still in Afghanistan - the U.S military, for example, has been using so-called "stop-gap" measures for a while now in order to keep the troop level up. While combat operations have been wound down a great deal, there are still U.S servicemen in Afghanistan, not to mention coalition troops.

are you mocking my family?

Just ignore him, SE. Kaitou Kid is, apparently, about as sensitive to other people's emotional states as his avatar.

@ Kaitou Kid - :slap:

@ SilverEagle - you haven't said what the situation is. Is your uncle still living out there? Have you heard from him since? If the situation is that he's a long way away but you can get in touch with him - even via someone else - then exchanging letters or emails would help. I'm sure he'd love to hear from you.

If it's that he died out there, perhaps you could talk about it with another member of your family. Maybe spending some time going through old photographs and setting aside time to really remember him would help you come to terms with it.

So you haven't heard of him since? No one in your family has heard of him since? That would be weird. Has he been KIA? If not, have you been in contact with him?

Thirty one killed when a heli was shot down yesterday. That's the worst day in ten years.

Not really the worst, there were 60 people killed in Kabul only last month.

Thanks Princess, or I would've had to say something that you would have had to warn me about then..


indigenous casualties are tallied on a separate list. Dunno why, they just are. :shrug:


@SE
A friend of mine never stayed in touch with home while deployed. He said it hurt him too much afterwards, which then screwed with his focus, resolve and overall commitment.
No news is always good news until proven wrong by two officers who drive up to the house and officially tell you so.

just hang in there kid, the tears are more than normal, and remember your uncle is hanging in there as well.

Thanks, Andy - that's really good to know. Sad and upsetting, but still good.

Sokay princess, we do what we can.

Cuz when you cant walk anymore, you crawl. And when you cant crawl anymore, you find someone who'll carry your load..


@SE
mail call beats a phone call hands down a million times over. Write your uncle, tell him all the oh-my-gawd-this-is-boring-stuff in a letter, and ask for a postcard or snapshot of the view from the latrine in return. While staying in touch can be rough some times out there, answering a letter is easy as pie.

He'll be real glad to get a letter from you, believe me.

Andy,Princess, and Reener thanks
i have wrote him but he hasnt replied back since 2009

You should get in touch (or have your parents get in touch) with family services at the base your uncle was stationed at before shipping out. They'll be able to either get you in contact with his unit commander, or a base spokesman for over seas troops.

If he's part of the US military, someone will know where he is.

Grief is different for everyone. May be that you just werent ready to fully deal with the situation before, or something recent triggered something that was going on in the back of the head.

My condolences.