This is what I have for a script so far... tell me what might need changing, or a funny line you'd like to hear, and I just might do it!

Attacking - 6
"Gaaarrryyyy... ha ha, just kidding."
"Oh look, another glitch... that went unpatched... how surprising."
"Hey, at least you didn't download a nvde mod... right? RIGHT!?"
"Do you smell that? Do you SMELL THAT!? Ha ha!"
"Hey, wanna hear my deathclaw impersonation? *deathclaw sfx* See? Wasn't that good?"
"So, I'm going to tell you a little story about a man named Seth. Seth was a thin, crazy old man, who liked to dig up dead people at the old cemetary. Everybody thought ill of the guy, till one day, a cowboy came and put a bullet between his eyes. The townsfolk had a hard time removing the bullet, but eventually got it out. The townsfolk, for some reason, loved him, and worshipped the guy. Then, everyone turned into zombies and started eating each other. The end!"
Wounded - 16
"Ahh, my dike!"
"Aww, you love me JUST as much as I love you!"
"Dude, come aaawn, now my brain can't do smart making."
"So, do you like boobs?"
"I just farted - and I FEEL GREAT!"
"You crazy old bastard!"
"Do I LOOK like a [censored] pinata!?"
"Hate crime! HATE CRIME!"
"*cute kitten squealy noises*"
"Holiday, ohh holiday, and the best one of the year"
"So, you diggin' Matthew Perry? Yeah... pretty cool [censored]. He's one sixy bastard."
"Haha! Stop! That tickles! Haha, cut it out! Haha, [censored], okay, STOP! [censored]! KNOCK IT OFF! ARRGH!"
"My cat Suzie drives to the store to pick up nine pounds of fresh litter for our pet goldfish Muffins!"
"Everyone tells me I sound like Link. I don't even know who this "Link" guy is!"
"I think he stole that guy's wallet!"
"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOC!"