If I destroy the DB and never join the TG, then side with the Imperials so that Blackbriar becomes Jarl ... can I still be made a Thane by her? I would think that she would kind of hate me at that point.

This game does not think that in-depth.

You should be able to, getting the title has nothing to do with faction affiliation. It has to do with whether or not you "befriend" the Jarl by completing certain quests, buying property in the city, and helping citizens of the hold.

As long as you fulfill those requirements, the only thing that should keep you from becoming Thane would be bugs and glitches. Speaking of which, there was something buggy about Riften where if you bought the house and actually went in it before you got the title, the dialogue options necessary to get the title would never come up when you went back to talk to the Jarl. I don't know if that was something that happened across the board, or was caused by something else going on in some players' games, but I know it was out there as a potential problem.

I've always made sure to get the title before entering Honeyside, just to be safe.

I think my current play through is bugged. I have not gotten dialog to buy the home and I've done what it usually took to get it Gonna do the civil war and see if the new Jarl will allow me to get it. Its my fav house.

I don't know if that'll help. If you were going to do the CW anyway then it doesn't matter, but doing the whole questline likely won't fix the problem. Are you sure you've helped enough people/done their favors and completed the skooma missions?

There have been several times when I've spaced and didn't do everything properly.

Usually doing the Skooma quest (On the PS3) unlocked the Thane of Riftin and the option to buy the house after doing X number of deeds.

I am now playing on the PC, did the Skooma quest. but no thane conversation comes up, no buying a house comes up, no "do X number of good deeds" comes up. I've even gone to the Steward several times taking on tasks for her and nothing happens.The jarl doesn't do anything either

Did you already do the good deeds? I usually just do them first because they're so easy. Then I do the skooma business. It's not until then that I get the dialogue about becoming Thane and buying the house.

well I just kept going back and cheching for dialog.... never got any "help 5 people in Riftin" quest but now I'm thane and own honeyside... Guess I did enough quests for people in Riftin. I don't remember working so hard for it on my PS3. But maybe things play a little different on the PC.

It should work.

I have never been able to encounter Thane quest in Riften and never had a chance to purchase a property in that city - it doesn't matter whos side I was in the civil war it just impossible to get that quests on both sides. I don't know why it is so for me, maybe there's somekind of trigger like there's in Solitude too.

One way to trigger the Skooma quests is to find an Argonian down by the fishery who needs your help with her Skooma addiction. She asks for a health potion and if you give her one she'll give you some small token, like a ring or something, in gratitude. Talking to her should trigger the first of two quests where you take care of the Skooma dealers in the Rift. Those are required to befriend the Jarl and you won't get anywhere with buying the house or becoming Thane until they're done.

Yup, it's the Skooma quest.

I've always gotten the skooma quest from the argonian gal.