Get off my lawn, gnomes!!!

But we are protecting it from weeds. It's a difficult job that requires vigilance and the very will to survive.
*flashback*
Oh, I remember the last house. It was a normal day on garden patrol and out of nowhere a weed sprouted up. Then another, and another. Within minutes they were EVERYWHERE, my platoon, which was current stationed at Home Depot, was nowhere to be seen. My shovel was the best the fleet could offer, one fashioned out of amethyst and stainless steel, but even Rocksplitter couldn't handle the onslaught. I shoveled until my little hands were bleeding, my cap pierced with weeds. Sensing that the weeds stopped with just ruining my hat, I noticed that the weeds were not even attacking anymore. My life was spared. But then I looked back, and not a single petunia in Mrs. Robinson's garden was left intact. That's why my name is Intact Garden Gnome, to remember that fateful day. Soon after I was stripped of my rank and Rocksplitter was given to my replacement. Then I was re-stationed here, on Lord Bafford's farm, patrolling the cornfields.
So it would be best to let me do my job, because I won't fail again. And they will be back. Oh, they will be back.