» Mon Jun 18, 2012 9:01 am
So, oddly enough, I was just strolling my way into Skyrim, a few of these guys in blue-ish armor walking near me. Suddenly, out of [censored] nowhere, these Imperials pounce out and arrest us.
So, they take us to our execution, and I'm all on the block, waiting for the justice system to do me out, as is only right after I'm sentenced for whatever deed I performed. A giant [censored] dragon flies in, and blows the [censored] place up. Not sure why. Maybe he got dysentery from some bad mean or something.
So, I follow this Imperial guy, asking him to execute me. After all, that's what I was sentenced to receive as punishment. He doesn't listen, so I keep following him through the place, as he kills those guys in blue-ish armor. Now, I'm wondering why exactly in Oblivion's name the [censored] isn't giving me execution, but he is everybody else. I shrug it off, and decide I'll just go to the Imperial headquarters.
Alright, the Imperial guy I was following led me out of this cave filled with giant [censored] spiders, and then tells me to head to Solitude to join the Imperial Legion. I think "OH! That must be where I'm getting executed." So, I get to Solitude, and I see this guy get beheaded at the block. I start to get excited, knowing that I'll FINALLY receive my punishment. I ask around, and find where to go. I step in, and see some guy that looks important, and walk up to him.
I told him I was here for my execution, because I was at Helgen when the dragon started [censored] the place up. He says something like "You have immense skill for escaping that dragon." I tried to tell him I didn't do anything, I just followed that one Imperial guy, but I'm guessing he didn't hear me. He gives me some armor and a weapon, and tells me to go to some place. So, I do it, thinking I'll get executed there. I find an empty place, and I pick up random stuff that I think looks shiny, and head back to the Imperial guy to tell him there weren't any headsmen at the place. When I get back, he takes one of the things I grab, says I'm a soldier or something, and gives me more armor and another weapon. I'm wondering what in Oblivion is wrong with this guy, as a bunch of guys dressed up like me start marching someplace. I figure "Hey, we must be doing a parade." And so I followed them.
Now, I don't know what kind of [censored] parade this was, because we started walking through some nasty [censored] snow, and finally find a bunch of those guys in blue-ish armor. I get all excited, because they're probably marked for execution, and I'll FINALLY get my punishment. But, they start making me attack the guys, so I just stand there, wondering which end of my sword is the one that stabs people. Eventually, all the other guys clear the place, and find me standing over three guys that had stumbled down a flight of stairs and broken their necks. I was wondering if the guys were still alive, and I told them other guys that I think they were dead. They applauded my skill, which confused me. Did I shot [censored] mind-arrows at the guys to make them stumble down the stairs.
So, they lead me back to that one important-looking Imperial guy, and I guess the parade is finished. The guy gives me MORE armor, and another weapon, and says I'm something called an 'ophisser', or something. So, I get to follow a bunch more of those guys to this neat little town on a hill surrounded by a wall. One of the guys, dressed up in all this fancy clothing, told me to take an axe to some guy in a place called Windhelm. So, I carry the axe by the broad end, and cut two of my [censored] fingers off. I start to bleed, so I walk back to the guy that gave me the axe. Now, I don't know what kind of sadistic [censored] he is, but he takes the axe and tells me to prepare for war. I don't know what in Oblivion this guy is going on about, so I start to leave the city. I see a bunch of guys in yellow-ish armor, and more guys in armor like I used to have getting read to greet more guys in blue-ish armor, who are approaching the city. So, I think maybe we'll have another chain of public executions, so I stand around all happy.
I guess the headsman was sick, or something, because then the guys in yellow-ish armor and the Imperial guys start shooting the blue-ish armored guys, killing all of them. I jump in front of them, and they yell at me to get out of the way. Those rude bastards could have at least done the courtesy of execution me like everybody else.
So, then the Imperial guys and I head back to that one place with the important-looking Imperial guy. So, that guy tells me I'm a 'jenral', or something, and gives me more stuff. Now, I'm wondering when these pricks are going to execute me. I've been telling them to for the past few days, and they don't seem to be listening.
Alright, now, more of those guys lead me to another place, where it's all snowy as Oblivion. We come to a big stone city, that looks all old. More of those blue-ish guys come out to greet us. Suddenly, the [censored] Imperial guys start unloading on the blue-ish guys, killing all of them. We go into this big stone building, which I assume is a prison and I'll FINALLY be executed. No, there's some guy in fancy clothes sitting there like a humongous asswipe, insulting the Imperial guys as they run up and start whacking him with swords. So, he runs off, trips, and falls flat on his face at my feet, and I guess he took a nap to recover from the fall, because he didn't move all that much.
Suddenly, those Imperial guys run up, and start commending me for some [censored] about killing Old-[censored] Storm-choke, or something. I don't know what they're talking about, but they give me more [censored], say something about a civil war and some other stuff, and then tell me I'm a hero.
Well, that's about it, really...