Hey everyone, I think the topic title is pretty self-descriptive, but would you do it? I just broke up with my gf last week, and it was the only time its ever ended well. She wanted to stay friends, but I just said no because I find it would be too painful. What do you guys/girls think?

For me it would depend how we broke up.

If she cheated on me then no. If we felt it wasn't what we wanted and was going nowhere then I could stay friends.

This has happened to me a couple of times. If it's a case of things just didn't work out (she didn't cheat on you) and there wasn't a lot of harsh words or cookware thrown around, it can be done.

Give it a bit of time, different for different people, and give it a chance. Just as long as you're not doing it with some sort of illusion that she's going to take you back, it's entirely possible to be friends with her. Hell, I've got 2 ex-gfs and an ex-fiance that I keep in regular touch with on fb. They send me pics of their kids and [censored], and can actually give some pretty good dating advice if I'm having girl trouble.

If YOU want to be friends with her that's fine. If you don't, that's also fine. Don't let a girl guilt trip you into it though. Some girls want to stay friends simply because they feel bad about how things went. By staying friends with you, they can feel good knowing that you're all fine and dandy with what happened.

Friendly with them, but I'm not good friends with them any more. Nowadays, I wouldn't consider going out with either of them any more though, so there's that too.

I'm friends with quite a few of my exes; however, I'm talking relationships where we were both young and no real intimate feelings were involved (namely, neither one of us ever thought we were in love or had found "the one"). It was easy going back to friends then because no one had been hurt - we tried something out and we both felt better off as friends. Although saying that, the last time this happened was this year with a guy who is 30. We're still great friends and we talk to each other about our newest dates and whatnot, because we never had anything big invested in our relationship.

But if we're talking about a relationship where either one of you felt it was more than just a trial run - or even if one of you thought it was "the real deal", then give it some time and space. Chances are if things ended sadly but amicably you may end up friends again, but if the breakup was ugly and/or involved nasty things like betrayal, then I'd reckon that the wounds are too deep. But even then, maybe in a few years or more you'd both see things differently and be able to make amends after moving on separately.

In your case, my advice would be to stay civil, but say to her exactly what you said here - that it would be too painful. That way when you move on you haven't burned any bridges friendship-wise and you're being honest without hurting yourself more by pretending it's ok now.

When I was writing this topic it was more of just to see what other people have done, but thanks for the advice! There isn't really a right answer, but it ended really smoothly, we were both pretty sad about it, but I just have jealousy issues so I think it would be better to just be casual friends. If I see her we'll talk and stuff, but I'm not going out of my way much.

I find it hard to remain friends with corpses'.

I dated one of my best friends, she dumped me, and she stayed one of my best friends. It was ok until she replaced me and now all I hear about from her is how great her new bf is...so it kind of svcks and I don't recommend it unless you were already really good friends and you don't want to throw that away.

I tried...

...until she called me a womanizing [censored] who gets girls drunk and sleeps with them.


Yeah, we weren't friends after that.


(Sidenote: I'm not)

I did for a while, til I got a new girl. No strings attached six was awesome.

Dated a girl/woman for 5 years, then we broke up. She was my first true love. We stayed friends, went to each others' weddings, but eventually lost touch through the years. About 3 years ago, we regained contact. Two years ago she died at the age of 39; her body just deteriorated.

I still think of her...

Only one girl, and not anymore. I find it's awkward more than anything.

EDIT - Now that I think about it, I don't even talk to one night stands after the morning. I'm a terrible friend with benefits. :sadvaultboy:

Depends on the circumstances surrounding the break-up.

Sorry to hear that rumbly.

I was about to make some sarcastic comment but your story made me too sad.

I did, It went well, friends with benefits is great when you don't want tied down :celebration:
Me and my ex broke up, stayed close friends for over a year and then when she started talking to another guy and hinted she was interested in him, I let her go.
I felt bad for break the relationship up, so did she, but staying friends for as long as we did helped. It was like slow rehab or something, instead of dropping all contact instantly, you let go day by day. Its easier that way IMO and gives a chance to salvage what was once.

Only had it happen once, a few I have happily dropped all contact instantly. No Facebook add for you!

Nothing against the idea, but I haven't done it. Most have ended smoothly but I don't have any contact with any of my exes. The closest thing would be the one who turned stalker-ish afterwards and, among other things, made a forum account in order to watch what I did here - but he gave up after a while.

I think as long as you don't burn any bridges with the other person, I don't see why not.

Not at first, but after a few years went past we got back to talking. We don't talk that much now but we pop each other the occasional text.

All depends on how it ended. If she was a POS who cheated, then I don't see a reason to stay. But if it was mutual, I don't see why you couldn't be friends.

No.
It's just like saying "The dog's dead, but can we keep its rotting corpse?".

I would, and I have. Granted neither relationship was particularly serious, and both started out with us as friends, but still.

It would utterly depend on what led to the break up. My Mum for example, is really good friends for her ex-husband. Personally however, I broke up with my old exes because I didn't like them anymore...

It's possible. I don't think there's a method to it though. I was friends with my ex-girlfriend before we started dating, so I guess it wasn't too hard for us to go back to that stage. Depends on the relationship though.

My first girlfriend: yes. I was only at 'liking' stage with her, and I was the one that ended it, but we still remained friends. Best friends even, for a while. We're just casual "talk every now and then" friends now.

Although with my last one... we tried it and it didn't work. For me at least, I couldn't handle it (she broke up with me [on good terms, not anything like an argument or cheating. She just never felt the same way any more and wasn't ready for a relationship]) and I'm still in love so it wasn't helping. We are currently taking a break from talking/etc. and I hope that we can be friends again after I'm over her, but right now there's nothing, and to be perfectly honest, it doesn't feel like there will be anything between us rather than a relationship. Time will tell.

Just depends on circumstances I guess.