Hey everyone, me again.
I began another book and was wondering if it is good. I am messing around with third person in this one, and am not sure if it is done correctly.
OK. Here it is- http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20111024230508AAPt5Cb

To see the last thing I wrote, go here- http://www.wattpad.com/2457797-the-final-wave-prologue

I'm 14. Sorry if this is getting annoying, but I want some feedback...

If you're 14, it's pretty good. Also, do you know what the plot is going to be? Themes? Other characters? If I were you, I'd go for writing a short story, not a book.

Plot is going to be aliens attack the world in waves, taking out communication first, and then somehow killing all advlts... I don't know, don't really have it figured out.
I don't have any themes, no idea of other characters except I have to have a girl that is close to Mason... because that's popular.
Basically a post apocalyptic/teen survival book, kinda like Gone by Michael Grant

Which would you say is better, the one on wattpad or the new one on yahoo answers?

nvm. I think I may just start over... I screwed it up

Well, the second link is only a couple of lines and is a bit cliché. I would definitely go for the post apocalyptic atmosphere. However, like I said before, I'd start with a short story, not a book.

Go to the bottom and hit "Chapter 1"

Ah, ok. Just noticed that. Reading now..

Eh, I can't really say much from what I've seen. It's hard to judge someone's writing from only a few paragraphs, really.

Some advice - you definitely need a hook, something to actually interest readers and convince them to read your book at the beginning. Throw them right in, and make them want answers as to what is going on. You're also doing to much telling, not enough showing - i.e, don't just tell us a bunch of random details about your protagonist, but show them in action. Don't tell us he is smart - show him solving world hunger, or whatever. You get the point. Also, plan your plot. You won't go anywhere if you don't have even a vague idea of where you intend to drive the plot towards.

To be quite blunt, I've seen better. An this isn't me comparing you to Shakespeare or anything - I'm only sixteen myself, so I can fairly say that you can do better, and I can definitely see potential from what I read. So just keep writing, and most importantly keep reading, as that is an excellent way to improve your own writing skills.

Yeah... I sat down and wrote that in an hour. I didn't really think it through too well...

Maybe you could start out with your character in this apocalypse and continually flashback to memories of what it was like before it happened.

alright, I'll work on it. And hopefully do better next time...

Yeah, just keep writing. And remember:

"When writing a novel a writer should create living people; people not characters. A character is a caricature." - Ernest Hemingway

I don't like your method of describing the character. It's like I'm reading a Wikipedia article on him. Why are you detailing these things in the first chapter? Don't tell people specific details in some sort of list - try to feed things you want people to know into the story, preferably piecemeal. I'd also advise you to have some sort of structure when writing a story, otherwise you can just start bleating on about things without there being any character or story development. At least have some idea of your destination. The book can then be the journey from where your characters are now and where they will be.


Oh, positive though: I really enjoyed your description of the alarm clock. Good work there.