oh [censored], my dried elven leaf is missing! whats that fellow towns-person? you say you saw a woman of this description suspiciously leaving and/or entering my house while I was at the mill? dear me, perhaps I should delve deeper into this possible lead of inquiry!

my dear shop keep, have you per-chance had anybody come through of this particular aesthetic selling a rather exquisite dried elven leaf? you have! why my friend would it be at all possible for me to take a perusory glance at said dried elven leaf to attempt and validate it's origin for it may indeed be the belonging of the fine gentleman before you. sold to a traveling khajiit merchant you say, I must venture forth outside the city walls then in order to find the closure that i so desperately desire!

oh dear, it appears the caravans have already moved on from my humble town! whats that my brave and noble guardian? they headed "that-a-way"? but that long and desolate trail leads to none other than the glorious solitude! I must venture forth, but not before securing my traveling gear that i have not donned since before i retired to the mill where i spend my days saving septims to spend on my wonderful collection of rare dried plantations from the forests of valenwood, a land so hard to harvest that even leaves must be covertly separated from their respective trunks. and so I set forth on my journey on which i encountered nothing of interest because I traveled by cart and as you may well know i quite enjoy the gentlest jostle of the cart and it sent me to sleep like a mere svckling.

as I approached the walls of this our fine capital I can't help but feel in awe. ah! fine trader of feline persuasion, i have tracked you from across the land in the hopes that i may feast my eyes upon the greatness of your wears! A-HA! it is as I suspected, this leaf is the very leaf that sat on my night-stand not two nights ago, I shall purchase it from you as you had no way of knowing of its origins before you yourself purchased it to sell to me. ah I am so happy, to have my dried elven leaf back, I could not bare the thought of time spent without it, and now i shall retire to the inn and perhaps drink some mead, at the establishment with the name that rather resembles that of a skeever that has learned the arts of the charm.

hello fine fellow whom I see is dressed in iron, would thou mind if i were to occupy the seat that is directly beside and abriast with yours? you would not? than I shall sit and start an idle conversation about the trivialities of my life after retirement, for you see I was once an adventurer like you, but then I suffered from the most dreadful injury that I can bear not the thought of! what is this, i see you wonder, that I grasp as tho it were my most valuable of valuables? it is my most prized of prized possessions, it is my dried leaf of elven origins, one which I myself plucked from a tree while I was out venturing, it is my only reminder of a time more happy and gallant than that of my current life. I have been on an epic journey to this very local in order to retrieve it after a great in-justice occurred in which it was stolen from my house by a woman of this description, I agree, it is the most foulest of acts and I would not wisheth it upon my most dastardly of opponents, but alas I am weak from journey and as I am no longer a stout young adventurer as yourself I fer that I shall not have the energy to carry out the justice that my hard work entitles, if only I had somebody with such skills and strength to carry out my justice for me.

Is my luck truly such! could it be that in my adventures I have stumbled into precisely the man who could help my in my dilemma? i have only a mere few septims left in my pack, but you can have it all if you would truly deal with this matter, I know you will do such a job of it that perhaps I may never be troubled by thieves again, why thank you friend for such a kind deed, I cannot wait to hear word of your success! and it was with that that I merrily mustered up the strength to practically prance out of the province and all the way home!

now I know what you are thinking, the man I hired didn't truly succeed, so when the word of failure reached my ears how did I feel? the answer is I felt nothing, for I died a happy man at the hands of a rabid wolf pack while clutching tightly to the dried elven leaf that had for so many years brought me nothing but joy. the moral to this story is that it may just be a leaf to you, but it may in fact be someones livelihood.

This post is hilarious. Zoridium should get some kind of award for this