I'm a Breton and I don't know how many times I've tried to conjur my wolf only to fart instead. Then suddenly he shows up right before I get killed...

I'm level 9 and have always put conjure familiar in my left hand. I've tried summoning him before a fight, I've tried summoning him when the enemy is approaching, I've tried summoning him during a fight. And for some reason he only shows up as I'm being killed and then howls over my dead body.

WHAT am I doing wrong???

looks like a bug

You can conjure wolves?

The same issue often occurs with a number of Summons. Not sure what's responsible, tbh. I've had it wit Atronachs. I've had it with Sanguine's Rose, too. Summoning Dremora. You get the effect, but the summoned creature doesn't appear. Then once you've had to wade in you realise they have appeared, too late to do anything.

Yep. Breton starting spell - 'Conjure Familiar'. Conjures a ghostly Wolf. It continuously HOWLS until you want to kill it yourself.

I don't know about that. I kinda like him warning all the other wolves to stay the %#@! away from me. He's been quite heroic in the past. I stumbled across a settlement where one guy came at me while another guy fired arrows at me from a rise. I summoned my wolf and he appeared (as usual) right as I finished the first guy, and then to my amazement he took off after the archer, ran up the steps and devoured him!

There is a bug with absorb magic absorbing summon spells. Maybe that's the cause, and just a guess, but maybe the script for the spell still runs in the background, and the spell takes effect from when you die and your absorption runs out.
Just a guess mind, and why isn't absorption spelled with two 'b's?

It's a bug caused by spell absorb effects.
Sometimes the effect is absorbed, effectively putting your summon on pause.
Do you use the Atronach Birthstone by chance?

I just started a conjurer today, and discovered a similar weirdness when using a summoning spell.

You hit the key, your mana goes down, you release the key, and nothing happens. Then your mana comes back up to the level it was when you cast the summons. Sometimes this happens 3-4 times in a row. Meanwhile, I'm running away from the enemy, trying to stay alive.