Maybe so, I guess I'm freely floating. After 16 years of anxiety and constant worry about my father's mental health, I've learned to let go. If that means I'm less than human, so be it. It's [censored] freeing.

I guess what I'm trying to advocate is enlightened self interest. I couldn't help dad by being in chronic worry about his condition, in fact it could arguably have made him worse. I think worrying yourself needlessly is in effect another form of self pity.

Engaging emotions (genuinely felt no less) in a constructive and productive manner is good, and I retain that ability. At the same time, If I can't help or if through my ethical code someone is not going to accept it, or abuse it, then it's simply not worth the emotional drain.

I await your pithy response with mild anticipation.

The way I see it she could be bringing too much baggage to a relationship. If I were you, I would search for a down-to-earth girl with not too much drama, if at all. But if you're truly in love with this woman, well, hang in there.

Look, I'm a guy and one thing I've learn in the traffic of love is that if a woman REALLY loves a guy she will forgive/accept just about anything you throw at her and vice-verse. Let say you text her wishing her a good birthday and she doesn't answer back, FORGET about her. Little things like this talks volumes about a person.

Relieving from emotional burden does not make one inhuman.

So are you retracting what you said? I have emotional reactions to everything by default, but I can turn them on and off because I'm constantly thinking about how they're affecting me and those around me. In my opinion it is something to aspire to, It took me a long time to realise it, and the OP could benefit from it.

By your previous criteria, I'm still inhuman. I'm not offended, just interested to hear what it is to be human, in your opinion.

I've never known a person that benefited from, or claimed to benefit from, or didn't outright lament about texting a girl. This is why I don't text. Even the most mediocre guys can enchant women in person. Give them a cell phone, and they're just as powerful.

Too much anolysis, not enough action. If she's interested she's interested. If she's not (which seems to be the case) then her mother (arguably) trying to matchmake is unlikely to go well.

It's quite likely that if you had a routine where you'd be in each others company every week you'd come across to her as either reliable to have as a standby who'd listen to her unconditionally or simply as boring.

Loose the "Gentlemanly ways" show some character, some life, ask where you stand, engage her, challenge her. Be interesting. Prepare to get over one-itis.

This girl sounds like trouble.

Nice book you have there.

She's not interested.

it sounds like the girl doesn't really know what she wants just yet, or she's bi-polar

Seems like a confusing situation. So two things.

Women! *throws hands up in the air and stomps off*

And number 2, don't bother with this girl if this much "drama" has happened already. It's not a good sign really, neither is her moving in with that guy so quick. But if she is young, maybe she'll "grow up" if she's with you. But I don't think it'd be worth the trouble. Send that text on her birthday, give her the present if she wants it still and see what happens. But don't let her lead you astray or put you on a string like a puppet and don't let your feelings for her cloud your judgement. Feelings like to do that.

When I'm by myself (which is a lot, actually) my brain goes into a nearly pure anolytical mode, so yea, I do overthink things, that's just how I roll.
The 'gentlemanly ways' was just me trying to be eloquent, I do try to be a nice guy, but I can be as much of a [censored] as anyone, with sarcasm dripping off of my tongue.




That's part of the fun! Would you rather be around someone nice, but boring, or someone you can go [expletive] crazy with?
She is getting to be too much trouble though, which is why I'm staying away from her.




That's nothing, there's a lot of little details that I could have put in, but chose to leave out to conserve space.



I think that's already been established....


She knows what she wants; she wants everything, and she's still young enough that she thinks that she can have it all. Even though I think that she's sloooowly learning that she can't. Just not fast enough for me.


I had forgotten that line! It fits perfectly though.
I do believe that the rest is right.


Anyways, two things that I want to throw in-
First: I didn't think to mention, but her mom would actually prefer that she finishes uni, gets a job in her field (music education), and gets her life in order before 'settling down'. Her mom knows that there were 'feelings' between us, and that I'm not just after a little 'action', unlike some of the other guys that have been after her. Things are different this time...

Second: thank you for allowing my mental purging, I actually feel much better today than I did yesterday. Life changes, time goes on.

You're implying that there are only two kinds of girls in the world.

I'd put up with a girl that drives me [expletive] crazy if she were awesome in bed, you don't sound like you're getting too much in the way of that with her, so if I were you, I'd just do exactly what you're doing now. Let her rot.

My girlfriend was crazy and awesome in bed. I'm proud to say we completely worked out the craziness and now shes just awesome in bed .

Most of the time you will be in the friend zone if you don't make a move soon enough. It's happened to me.

I think that I worded that wrong. There are all types of girls in this world, what I was referring to is that I am withdrawn, quiet, and introverted, yet around this girl I sang, danced, and occasionally acted like a complete fool. It'd be hard for me to be like that around someone else, she did something to me that I don't understand.

As for the second bit, no, I never did sleep with her, and I know that some people would find that hard to believe, even without hearing some of our.. more colourful conversations. There was a few times that maybe it could have happened, but I'll never know.

I know what you mean about changing you. It's happened to me before. Though the opposite. I'm by nature, quite a carefree and happy go lucky type of person. Now that may sound nice, but what accompanied this was lack of initiative, goals and determination to do anything. I never took anything in my life seriously until this one girl came along and straightened me out. Gave me a reason to work, to take charge of my life, and just start living my life rather than watch it pass me by.

What I can tell you from experience however is that it can happen again. Trust me, you can feel this way more than once. I never thought anyone could change me again, or cause me to obsess over them for no reason the same way as that girl, but it happened. And I'm sure it'll happen again too. Both in my case, and yours.

Take this as a learning experience if nothing else. I know it might be too early to hear this, but this is a good thing.

You said your quite a bit older than her? How much older exactly?

I'm guessing 10 or so. He's in his mid thirties while she goes to uni, so must be in her early to mid 20s.

Oh okay.

Usually a good relationship isn't begotten from drama.

I think you should just move on and forget about her. If you continue to try to be her friend you will just constantly be anolyzing everything and it will drive you mad.

At some point, I swear, I should make a flow chart for these things, so I can just post a link to it in every one of these threads...

Anyway, she already turned you down, meaning she doesn't want you, which isn't an opinion her mother can override. So here's what you need to determine: is spending time with her fun, keeping in mind that she doesn't want to be with you? If the answer is yes, hang out with her, and keep your eyes open for other ladies [or dudes if your bisixual and not a straight man or a lisbian (I think Brock is a dude's name, but that's entirely based on Pokemon)]. If the answer is no, then don't hang out with her, and keep your eyes open. If she changes her mind... honestly, she's almost certainly not going to change her mind, but on the off chance she might, there's almost certainly nothing you can do to make her change her mind (unless her only issues with you were things you can change, like weight or education level), so don't bother considering / planning around that possibility.

Relationships are a pain, take up a lot of time and money, and if you're bad like me, hoping your current girlfriend gets her period soon?

Yeah. If that happens. Im going back to nothing but gaming... For a long while.


BUT:

If you think you can take it easy and stay away from the naughty places, it could be a good experience and be actually fun!

I think her mom is a bit too old fashioned. Graduating from uni doesn't mean your life is in order, not anymore in these days at least for me.

Yep, I agree. It's not an easy thing to do, but even though anolyzing and rationalizing can be useful from time to time, it sometimes leads to wrong conclusions.

In my opinion, you should ask yourself, where your interest in her derives from. Do you actually have feelings for her or does she just offer a good canvas for your dreams, wishes and fantasies? On page 1 you said that that is the "closest thing to a relationship you ever had". Have you ever considered the possibility that it is not her personality you're interested in but the possibility and the vision of a fullfilling relationship that you always wanted to have?

I know that sounds pretty... well, therapist-like, but it's something I realized after tons of horrible relationships. I didn't really feel love for the person itself, I fell in love with what I thought we could have. Ultimately, I have to agree with Hicks: If she doesn't return your feelings and acts like that, than you two definitely don't belong together.

Cheer up.

Latiro