What's up gamesas peeps. Haven't been in these parts in a while. I have a quick question for some of you experienced types in the relationship department.

Alright, well, as far as girls go, I'd say I'm pretty good at reading them. I haven't dated a crap load of girls, but I've dated a decent number (around 5, not sure what you guys think of that). Anyhow, I've got this strength and weakness, where the way my personality works causes me to become good "friends" with the girls, even though I don't get Friend-Zoned. It is more-so of a thing where I get really close and deep with the girl I am dating, even though I am not clingy and am a very unemotional person. So, the issue comes where I had known this girl for about 2 months before and talked to her during that period. I definitely have tried to talk to girls a lot in the past before going out with them (a lot of them push me to go out, actually), and there were a few cases where they began to act different after the relationship began. This instance was not one of those cases. Anyhow, I've been dating this chick about a month. A few weeks ago I actually found out she wasn't a virgin.

Now, wait a sec, the problem isn't her being a virgin. While I would prefer that she was (considering I am), I understand people make mistakes. And while that burned me up at the moment, the real issue was that she lied to me about being a virgin, rather than her just not being one. Now, considering she's slept with 2 guys, it could be a lot worse, even though it is over the general 1 number that most people go over in high school (we are in high school). But yeah, once she asked me if I was a virgin, and I told her that I was. She then told me that she was. Then I find out a few weeks later after one of her close friends and I are having a genuine conversation, that she isn't a virgin. I confronted her lightly about it later on, asking her why she had felt like she had to lie to me about it, and she said she felt like I might have not liked her anymore if she would have told me the truth, and she didn't want to take that risk.

So, why I'm asking you guys this isn't because I think the relationship is a big deal. Obviously, it is because it's my relationship, but it's only been around a month. We've pretty much worked out the whole thing, but what I'm wondering is if I should be more careful about her lying in the future. Not that I'm worried about it, but if she was willing to lie about that, what else is she willing to lie about? It's not a huge deal to me, but I've spoken to a few of my friends about it. Some of them think it's nothing, but I should be more careful later on. Some of them think I should be majorly concerned for the relationship's future.

What do you guys think?

Dump her.

Keep an eye on her, get to know her freinds, make sure that if she lies about anything else, you will find out

P.S don't read her text messages or E-mails or invade her personal life, that would just cause unwanted problems

Be careful. Some people will continue to lie in relationships in order to stay with a person. Give her a chance though, the worst thing that happens is you learn a valuable lesson you can use later in life.

Yeah man that's always a good way to look at things. I definitely won't be invading her personal life (I'm not a freak, for one).

Young women and women in general are socialised to be ashamed of their sixuality and sixual experiences, so they will often lie (as will most people) to be more in line with what is considered socially acceptable.

I understand why you might be perturbed by this apparent dishonesty, but I think this sort is generally prevalent in normal individuals. I'd advise you to be careful, but within reasonable limits. Do not act in a hostile and paranoid manner, as some are wont to do, because distrust and suspicion can kill a relationship.

Has she lied about anything else that you're aware of?

I do find it fairly ironic since it's normally the other way round with guys. They tend to overstate the experience they have and if a girl got upset at that she'd probably be laughed at.

I can sort of understand why this girl has been less than honest really - it depends how old she is? It sounds daft but it also depends what the situation has been with the guy/s in the past - were they in relationships or did she go out, get hammered and sleep with 2 guys in one night etc? PP is right in that girls at high school age are often made to feel as though they should be purer than they are and will often understate their experience.

From the way she explained it to me, they were both her friends and she felt pressured into doing it in the moment but didn't tell them no. One of them sounded more like that, and the other sounded more or less like that, but that also the guy made her feel special when he was just trying to use her. She's in the 15-16 age range. I'm in the 17-18 age range.

Considering you're only 18 yet have had 5 unsuccessful relationships so far it sounds like you dive into the deep end of the relationship pool instead of sticking your toes in the shallow end first. Or perhaps I'm just presuming that you didn't get to know her all that well before starting with her. Most of the stable relationships I currently know of were forged on months if not even years of friendship first.

Hopefully you two will work those things out between you.

I've given up on women myself. I normally meet them when they're damaged half psychotics with histories longer than the Old Testament...

Lots of girls don't like their (future) partner knowing that they've slept with other people - it can really change some peoples opinions. Whether she's a virgin or not isn't that big a deal, this ain't the medieval times where that kind of thing was important. I don't know what age you two are but haven been with 2 guys isn't that bad either, you're not likely to feel a difference when it's your turn.

Stick with her if you really like her, to be honest if you did you wouldn't be trying to trick yourself out of it by making issues of nothing her past is hers not yours. Stick with her.

It sounds like she might actually have some self esteem issues then hon. Ultimately she's probably too young to be quite so...'discerning'? when choosing someone (yourself excluded obviously lol). I think this is all the more reason to play it gently with her and don't invest too much to begin with - see how she is and let it grow rather than expecting things to happen quickly.

That seems a bit harsh actually. The OP is only in high school - isn't it fairly normal to date a few people when you're at that stage? Dating can sometimes only mean going out once or twice, sticking your toes in (as you said) then deciding the person isn't for you.

Perhaps, it does seem to be the cliché from movies but during my high school years that did not seem to be the case. I guess it can differ between cultures at which point I shouldn't be one to judge. Whichever the case is I guess OP and his GF will warm up to each other more with time and share more of themselves, there's always a small barrier that keeps people from revealing certain personal matters to anyone they haven't known for ages and perhaps the OP has something he feels like he wouldn't be able to share with his GF too, I know there are things about me I'd only share with a girl that already knew everything else about me inside and out.

She's cheating on you, I'd suggest making her put on the lotion or she'll get the hose again.

I know right? And blame what other men did them on you.

It should not matter what partner was before you. You shouldn't even be bringing them up as that in itself can cause a load of issues.

TL;DR JOAH? JAHO?

What are you getting at? It sounds like you just said something that I later said in the same post.

So who the hell cares? Everybody lies. Relationships are built on trust and held together with lies. "Do you think I'm fat?" Jesus Christ, if the answer to that is anything but a resounding "no", you lie your [censored] off. So she's slept with a couple of people? Big deal. So she lied about it to you? That shows she likes you and doesn't want to jeopardise any chance she has with you. Now if she was seeing someone behind your back and lied about it, that's a different story. What you need to realise is that there are lies and there are lies. Stop being so damned judgmental. Can you honestly say you've never told a lie save something you thought worth saving? Honestly, it's like nobody seems to have any common sense anymore. Women are berated for sleeping with many partners. Look at all the derogatory terms used to describe those that do. Can you not work out why she lied about it? Accept it and move on. If you like her, keep seeing her. If you don't, don't. But if this is the reason that you break up with her I will seriously question your judgement.

Yep, pretty much. I tend to meet them once they've formed ingrained "I hate ALL men. ALL men are ba****ds" attitudes; once they've started to look to get their own back on men, either physically, emotionally, materialistically, or all of the above. Ironically, the sorts of males that they used to always have relationships with, the ones that did all the damage, we're the sorts I've always been archenemies with!

I like this.

I just finished reading through your whole OP, OP and what bonalste says here seems to be the best answer. Who in the hell cares?

Besides, she could teach you a thing or two. It'll be fun.

I have lied a lot in similar situations, this shouldn't be the most important criteria where there is love (is there?).

I learned at an early age, think 7 maybe 8, to be weary of girls/women. They are devious creatures that can burn you hard if you trust them. Have no experience with relationships since me having a girlfriend is on the order of 1 to 12 googleplexes of happening, but I will say that with anything you just have to watch, wait, and see what happens. If you feel things are going south then ditch it.

We don't learn as much from success as we do from failure.

This, indeed, right here. Who cares what she did in the past. If you like her, overlook it and try to build a relationship from the now to the future.

I think what needs to be said has been said. Is the virgin thing the only thing she lied about? If so, many have already stated the likely reason for it. Girls who sleep with lots of dudes are obviously all loose ladies of the evening and guys who sleep with lots of girls are all Champions of Men. At least that is the perception. Clearly she hid it out of fear of unfair judgement.

Best thing to do is talk it out with her and tell her you won't judge her unfairly and will try to keep an open mind about any other things she felt she needed to hide. If she has any other things.

It might be awkward but before or rather if you guys decide to do it. Make sure you ask her if she has been checked for STDs or if she was practicing safe six the first couple times. I know that seems odd and a little paranoid but a lot of STDs are transferred to young girls from older guys and the young girls sometimes don't have a clue and are ignorant of being a carrier.

Just be careful if such stuff arises. I am damned lucky I didn't get any STDs in High School. Precautions are sometimes necessary. Now I just hope I didn't scare you away from six lol.