I don't know how many of you know, but I have always bragged about having a girlfriend for like 4+ years on the forums. Recently all my friends seemed to be getting engaged, and that's ok I guess for them. But the problem is I don't how on earth all of them are making enough money to be able to get engaged.

I want to be engaged. I have almost been with this girl for 5 years (come this February) and I know I love her enough to stay with her for the rest of my life, but how am I going to afford all the insurance for health, medical, car, apartment, apartment utilities, electricity and all the other freaking bills I have to pay once I am married.... Every time I go to buy a ring I start thinking of all the costs, and I literally get sick to my stomach. My biggest fear is living in poverty, and failing my family. Failing my family to me is living in poverty. I am only in my second year of college which is another factor I always put into it. I thought I wanted to wait until I was done with college, but it seems too far away and I don't want to wait that long.

Anyone got any advice at all?

Go to school > get job.

OR

Invent the next Facebook in your garage.

I think you are putting too much emphasis on money. I would worry about college first, not keeping up with the Jones'. You and your girl will handle the bills.

It's not unreasonable to get engaged but hold the wedding off until after graduation. I know quite a few people who have done just that.

Well, do you have a job? If you don't, that should help with the money issues a bit. You also don't need anything big or fancy or expensive. A marriage doesn't have to cost a lot of money, unless you want like the wedding of your dreams with a whole lot of expensive stuff (you can probably have a great wedding that doesn't cost a lot of money). You should also probably put college first, since finishing that will lead you into more money. A small apartment or whatever should be fine with you two until you get enough money, if you decide to get married.

Are you saying going to school is more important then getting a job? Or are you using that as an arrow instead of a greater then sign? As for the facebook thing.... haha...

That seems to be the responce I get from people (especially family members) when I ask them.

The thing is I have talked to her about that. She wants to get married like 6 months after we get engaged. And what the girl wants, the girl gets when it comes to the wedding.

I have three jobs that make a decent amount of money. But what you said makes sence. The reasoning is right.

As an arrow.

You could also join the military...sure you'll be gone for a tiny bit but great benefits.

Wouldn't most of these be less burdensome as you're pooling your resources? Am I misunderstanding something?

You might not care to consider it, but the least financially stressful option would be to dump your girlfriend altogether. At least know that it's an option.

Incorrect. Man up and realise you have a say. Talk to your girlfriend, tell her if you want to get engaged as a sign of commitment but want to hold off the wedding until after graduation. If she cannot see reason in this regard, then simply dont get engaged, and dont worry about what your friends are doing.

It's good you're thinking about those kinds of things. Too many young folks jump the gun before fully considering all of that and then once financial realities set in it can put a tremendous amount of stress on the marriage (and many marriages don't survive that stress). I'd say to at least wait until you are out of college and are on some kind of carreer path before getting married (you may get engaged a bit before that, but I'd wait until at least your last year of college for that as well). If your relationship is as strong as you think it is then it will have absolutely no trouble lasting those few extra years until you're in a good position to pop the question. And if for some reason your relationship is not quite that strong and ends up falling apart during those few years then by waiting you kept yourself from making a big mistake. Also, you don't have to keep these kinds of thoughts to yourself- it may actually be a good idea to talk to your girlfriend about your thought process on all this so that you're both on the same page.

Wow, Mr. Sensitive is in the house.

I don't think the bonuses of getting married outway the cons at this point.

Some people get engaged but don't get married for years to come.
I have these friends: Both were together for 3 years during secondary school until the girl's family decided to move to New Zealand, the two of them got engaged and have been for...nearly 2/3years.
There was also a couple not long back that are well into their 80's and have been engaged since they were 20 something.

Do you need to pay all of this for yourself, and when you are married effecively paying twice?
If you're working and your girlfriend are working then the burden should be lighter. You could get a cheap student apartment, use public transport and cut back on the luxury stuff to save on the money

What's going to change once you're married? You'll be committed to each other? You already are. You already have all the love and commitment and all the other good things that you have when you're married, that's why you're doing it in the first place. Sure, marriage is a celebration of that love and a symbol of commitment, but essentially it isn't going to change anything.

You might not want to wait that long, but by the sound of things you're also not in a good financial position to get married. Think about all the pros of getting married, and I mean all the extra bits that it adds to the relationship you already have. I'm really not trying to sound insensitive here, I am just suggesting that in a relationship, marriage is only cementing the relationship under God and/or the law. You don't need to jump into it because I'm sure what you have now is already wonderful.

Like I said, think about exactly how much getting married is going to improve your relationship. If, for your own reasons, you really must get married soon, then why not just have an extremely small, budget ceremony with only friends and family- just a small, nice, quiet ceremony- then when you are more financially stable in a few years you can renew your vows and have as much extravagance as you can afford.

Also, when you talk about all these extra costs, does that mean that you guys do not live together, and you are currently living with your parents? You sound as though you're living totally bill-free at the moment.

Heres a hint finish your education, if your going to get married dont have kids for a long long time, biggest money sinks there are, enjoy being married and make some money so your secure, take it from me, at 18 i was still in education, owned the clothes on my back and a whole $2.00, think before you do anythng it really svcks, trying to make your next dollar.

You're a bit young to be worrying about marriage. Finish your education, get a good job and then start to think about settling down and starting a family.

Also it sounds like you're expecting to pay for everything. A marriage is 50/50, she can get a job too, you know.

I'd say put off getting married until you're settled. Out of college, living together etc. I'm always surprised by couples (and I do know a few like this!) who drag themselves into debt just for the sake of a fancy day when there are so much more important things to set right first. I'm sure you both know you love each other deeply (as does God, if that's your bag); I'd focus on setting up a life together first and then worrying about a ceremony. The stress of three jobs plus college sounds like enough for right now.
I also agree with other posters that the financial responsibility shouldn't rest solely on your shoulders if your gf is able to work.
If you're truly planning on spending the rest of your lives together, putting off marriage for a few years (if that) is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

It isn't a race so don't every treat it as such. The reason your friends are all getting engaged is probably because they are not thinking about their future, and the cause and effect of the situation like you are.

All of this is good advice.

Wait til you're finished your education, get a job (both of you), move into tiny apartment, find money for bills.

It's how couples have been doing it for decades... You will probably find that with two incomes you'll have more money to spend on stuff but outgoings won't increase that much.

I have a friend who's done this. Got engaged a year or so ago, and they're getting married this summer. No harm in waiting for a while. Plus if you talk about making that commitment now, you'll have plenty of time to get used to the idea before actually getting married.


This is also sensible advice.

You should also be proud that you appear to have spent a lot of time thinking about the practicalities of this, when your friends might not have done. Don't just make the leap because they are.

Agreed to disagree.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pMcXSixdVQ&feature=related

Join the military.

Why would you brag about having a girlfriend?

Most ppl have girlfriends. Thats like bragging about eating at Mcdonalds.

Or bragging that you have children. Even ppl in jail have children.