I hate asking for help online, but I'm sort of drowning in my problems and I don't know who to ask for help about this. If you don't want to read about another person's problems (I know I wouldn't), click on another thread...

Basically, I can't get a job, which I REALLY need right now. I'm 18, living with my mom and my stepdad. Only my stepdad works, and he's adamant about making sure that I don't get any money or possessions until I have a job. My hair is starting to grow out of control because I can't get a haircut. I sleep on the floor in my room, which is also where I spend all of my days since I don't really have any friends. I don't have a game system or a personal computer or anything, so any time that I'm not spending out looking for a job, I'm either just laying in the dark, or unsuccessfully trying to solve an old rubiks cube, or juggling potatoes. Or going on my mom's computer during the rare ocassion that she's not on. I also have to take involuntary piss tests against my will every week and pay $14, which my stepdad is really unhappy about having to pay, and wants me to pay him back on the rare ocassion that I recieve any money.

Now, I've been living like this for months now, totally miserable. Within the past few weeks, I've been looking for a job daily, trying really hard to get out of here. Every place that I apply at, they say "we're not currently hiring, but you can fill out an application," and I never get a call back. I was fortunate enough to have an interview a few days ago, which went very well. I put down my mom's number on the application (I don't have a phone, obviously), and I just found out that her bill hasn't been paid and it's been off for a week. So it seems as though there really isn't anything I can do to fix any of my problems, it's just getting worse every day.

What would you do in this sitution? I can't stand to live like this for much longer, but I don't see any way out...

Actually I have two friends in a similar situation although they both have jobs and are able to smoke synthetic pot and have game systems.The 1st task would be to find friends, put yourself out there all you can, a friend can cut your hair with clippers, a friend can share their game system or tv, and a friend can even help you get a job. Also, once you start earning money and spending less and less time at home you could consider moving into a temporary place either with a group of friends who have moved out or into a friend with a nice set of parents. Not sure if your in high school or have graduated but you could also consider heading to community college and taking out loans to pay for room and board if they have dorms. Get and on campus job and start paying off your debt, while earning a degree to get you a job.

I dunno, I think that getting a job comes before getting friends. I don't really have a place to meet people. I've tried Googling clubs and groups and [censored] in my area, no luck.

Well find a job that has coworkers then. Try not to get hired at a job where you spend a lot of time alone. I think you could make some good friends with coworkers.

Might be a longshot but I would recommend going to a place that you want to work at and tell them the exact same thing that you have posted here. Share with them your situation and they are more than likely to sympathize with you and if it is within their power they will hire you on the spot. Just be real with them...I'm not sure how good you are with communication and interpersonal skills considering you have had trouble making friends but you have to do something.

Both friends and jobs go hand in hand, if you find one you have a better chance of finding the other. That said, join the military.

College?

Have certainly considered that, but I'm a pacifist so no.

@Hunter: I feel that, on the rare ocassion that I'm able to get an interview, I should try to look as not pathetic as possible lol.

@NHsports: College starts in 7 days for me, but last semester it didn't really help. It's not a good environment to make friends, especially if I'm broke and don't have a phone, etc. Everyone there pretty much still hangs out with the same old groups and cliques as they did in high school... None of my HS friends made it to college haha.

Medic, sea bee, flight deck. I forget specifically but I think the ratio is something like 12 to 1 for people who are in the military v people that shoot other people in the military.

Still don't want to contribute to something that I don't believe in. Also, you have to be in for at least 2 years, right? I don't wanna get out and be a 21 year old virgin haha.

The military miiiiight be your thing.

That said, if it isn't your thing, you'll just wind up being more miserable. So think VERY carefully if that is something you want to pursue.

THAT being said, the military is a great opportunity. You get employment and training and a record which can help with further employment, not to mention friends and connections. And if it's really your thing, you can make a good career with it.

Only thing that might not work out is the fact that you said you had to take urine tests. Why is that? It's one thing if it's a medical issue, it's another if it's a past crimes issue. So just be careful about that.

If you're in college, look for volunteering/internships more than anything else. You're a student, so that should cast you in a more favorable light. Offer to work for free, just an intro job to get the ropes. That should get your foot in the door, and if they like what you can do, can turn into a paid job later on. At the very least, it gives you a reference and experience.

Hang out with people and go to school clubs and organizations. Get work, get noticed, get references. People are surprisingly understanding if you let them be. Tell them you're broke and don't have a phone or frequent computer access. Get a friend to let you know when things are going down! I don't have a facebook, so if a student organization sends a message through facebook, my friends just let me know via word of mouth and I'm fine.

You college should have some offices that have information on employment/volunteer/internship opportunities. Find those, and apply for every one that sounds interesting. Even if you don't think you can do them, sign up for them anyway, and then learn as you go. A lot of people don't know what they're doing the first time- they just go with it, and learn as they do stuff. If you don't show confidence and take a step forward, YOU might think it's knowing your limits, but society will think you don't have a backbone and won't look at you favorably. Stupid, I know, but you gotta roll with it.


Bottom line, have a positive attitude and be proactive. If you're bitter or resentful or doubtful, people are going to pick up on that and they aren't going to be as open to you, and they certainly won't want to be your friend. Don't go into everything thinking it's going to be doomed to fail.

Well I guess prison is an option then. You seem to really have an answer for every suggestion, its as if your avoiding any possible option that could change your current situation. ( Either that or your just looking for pity/sympathy). All of your life decisions have led to where you are now so the same actions that got you here will not be the same actions that get you out. Afterall, what was Einsteins definition of insanity? You have to be more open to personal change if you want your life to change...




Also.....your not in the right position to deny opportunities based on your personal beliefs

If you're in the military it dosen't mean you're a die hard patriot. You're young, lost, confused, and bored the military is perfect for you.

I already do have a year of volunteer experience, which I put on every application I fill out. I don't want to do more though... I really need money NOW, I have a lot of "wants" that can't be satisfied with me being broke. A source of recreation, a bed, haircut and clothes to not come off as a hobo to potential friends, phone to be able to get friends' (and maybe eventually a girl's) phone number, etc...

I wouldn't be able to stand living in my current super [censored] conditions, AND having to work lol.

[censored]. [censored] is always an option.

Soldiers get more tail than 80% of the population.
Would you rather contribute to something you don't believe in, our sit around pissing in a cup?
I really think the military might be the way to go for you. You get independence, money, friends, and a great talking point for future job interviews. It's truly a great system, there is a reason we have the largest volunteer military in the world.

Yeah, I'll talk to a recruiter.

I think it's quite honorable to hold to the idea that you shouldn't join the military. People are saying you get money but that's money that could be used to support more productive programs such as the healthcare system and even if you just join as a medic you're still supporting those that will go out and ruin the lives of others.

If I was in your position I'd just keep trying to get a job, act confident if possible yet humble at the same time. Show that you think you can handle working where you are applying at but show that you realize you have to try your best to do well and that you don't just automatically assume you'll be great.

Also even if you get shot down once you may get the job later. I was first told there was no work for me when I applied to my workplace but a friend of mine (they can matter) gave me the number of another boss who is a lot nicer and I got a job from that person. Some people will just wave you off because they think you look strange or they don't want to deal with you at that moment, so don't always take it as the truth if you're told that there is no work to be found for you.

Every man has his breaking point

If i were you i would go to the company that interviewed you, say that you have no means of communication with them and ask if they could send you a letter telling you if you are accepted or not.

Also one does not simply google a club, you go out and find or ask for them yourself.

So I have to ask a friend where to find a club, when I want to join a club to make friends? UNSOLVABLE PARADOX

Frodo you made me laugh, but good point.

Ellert: I've been considering joining the military for a while just to get out of my [censored] situation... I'd hate to do something that I don't believe in, but I may not have a choice.

I understand. My point of view may be influenced by the fact that my country does not have a military so it is far from being the social norm in my country to advocate what is largely considered here to be a barbaric profession. But in any case it may be the kind of mindset that allows many organizations to live but "just one more guy not joining won't make a dent in it anyway" so you may as well just comply to it to get your feet on the ground so you can get started with your early life. In anycase I hope you work out some solution that fits you

I'd say you need a bit of money first and there's plenty of things you can do to make some without having a job.

While your not looking for a real job, or at collage. Go door to door asking people see if they want the grass cutting or picking up leaves. Try your local shop and see if there's a paper job available, it's what I used to do when I was 17-18. Don't charge a lot for your service. Once you got a little cash buy your self a cheap phone, buy your self a cheap suit get a hair cut. Once you do that you could join some clubs that do activities your interested in and you will find that your phone book will start to fill up.

Like others have said friends can help you get a job, and jobs can help you find friends.

You should get some benefits flowing in, from the sounds of your situation your the kind of person the goverment should be trying to help with these benefit systems.

You should try and scrap together enough cash to buy your own phone, don't think it has to be a new flashy one, just get one that will recieve incoming calls - even just a sim card you can use inside your mums phone. This would be extremely useful is a job offer wastrying to contact you.

People were saying go for the sob story to get the job. Don't do that, if you take that approach the chances are the employer will just keep you around because he feels sorry for you and likely won't consider you for promotion, I dunno about you but I would hate someone hiring me out of pity.

Go to anymore interviews you get with your smartest attire: Clean shirt, tie, black trousers and shoes (not trainers). Remain polite and enthusiastic, as always plan your answers out before the interview and if you are asked something like "Can you name a time when you have gone out of your way to help someone?", even if you haven't just make up a time, and remember it's OK to be slightly nervous, its expected, and big headed in some answers - the latter shows you are confident in yourself and your abilities.
In short, look smart, give full answers, be polite and always greet the person with a firm hand shake (not a ganster one).

You should inform any company you are going to work for that you do not have a usable phoneline and that they should contact you by Emails or post instead - I assume you have email access if you are on the internet - Maybe even ask your mum if you can use hers if she is always on the computer she is more likely to see it come through? But really get your own and make it simple like for example papafern@theforums.com, don't go making some daft like uberPwN4g3HaxX0r2k12@lolwut.com because it could give the impression you are, irresponsible maybe?

I you are 18 now you will only come out a 20 year old virgin . Unless your birthday is really soon...

Sorry to say this. If all you describe is true, leave your family. Find a friend at least who would take you in. Your family is the main reason you cannot find a job. No boss would hire a guy he cannot contact with or with a bad haircut. It tells how lousy you are and how unable you are to manage your life. You have a problem family, your stepdad just wants you gone, your mom is a slave to him. I may sound harsh but they are the root of your trouble to be honest.